(Closed) At what point does your word stop having meaning? (Rant-Ish)

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You’re doing the right thing by setting a walk date. He doesn’t seem serious at all to me. Thanksgiving was what … 6 months ago? And he’s still “reeling” from it? Yeah right. You’re right this is your future too! You don’t have to sit around and wait on him. I never understood why women are expected to do that. Just stick to your guns. It really does seem like he’s making every excuse in the book. All it takes to get married is two willing people. You’re already living together on your own paying your bills – what does he think is gonna change? If anything your tax rate will probably go down. It’s not like it costs so much more to be married – it doesn’t. It’s sad you have to hide even looking at things from him or else it’ll set him off. That’s not normal.

Post # 3
Member
428 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry but this is going to sound blunt.  Relationships shouldn’t be this hard or make you so unhappy!

Its fairly clear to an outsider that this isn’t going to end in marriage.

From what you’ve said you clearly want marriage so you must accept that it is time to move on.

Only ever consider someone who really is excited to marry you – don’t waste your time on someone who feels you are forcing them – it is not a recipe for happiness.

Post # 4
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

He’s had 6 months since he was supposedly going to propose. He doesn’t sound serious to me.

Post # 5
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

1. He didn’t keep his promise.

2. He gets sad when you look online. I’m guessing at rings.

3. He gaslights you by saying about how the proposal must be more important than you.

> did he even have the ring ready or was he glad your mom received her proposal because it mean a lucky escape for him?

> 2.5 years is long enough to know whether you want to be engaged. 

Post # 6
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

he told you thanksgiving and then didn’t follow through.  and then had the audacity to be surprised that you were so upset.  he didn’t know it meant that much to you?

 

It unnerves me to no end when men act like it’s no big deal to throw around promises like that just to make you happy in the moment without any real intention of keeping them.  Like you won’t remember.  Like it’s not the number one thing you’re thinking about in every second leading up to that date.

 

That would be enough for me to walk.  I hope your walk date isn’t too far off because a guy like that is never going to “get it”.

Post # 8
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If he truly wanted to propose, but your mom’s engagement made him rethink the timing, he would have:

–Given you an updated timeline and/or willingly discussed plans with you 

–Been willing to look at rings with you

–Been supportive of your browsing rings online

–Apologized profusely and acknowledged how important engagement is to you/validated your feelings

Unfortunately, he has done none of those things–in fact, he’s done the opposite. It’s pretty clear that he’s not ready or willing to get married for whatever reason, but it’s good that you have a walk date. You’re wasting your time with him. Even if he did propose after a ton of pressure on your part, that would still suck. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who goes kicking and screaming the whole way to the altar. 

Post # 9
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I waited for 5 years to marry DH, but he didn’t fail to keep promises by saying “soon” or setting fake deadlines. Your man is doing this and it’s not okay. I’d tell him that this has affected your ability to trust him and relationships are built on trust. See how he responds to that. 

Stick to your guns and walk if he doesn’t propose by that date. Chances are he will play the victim but not fight to keep you. Sorry, Bee. 

Post # 10
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee

lol I would NEVER tie my life to such an emotionally unstable man. He’s “reeling” from being named godfather at a fucking baptism?!??

I would honestly have left 6 months ago when he broke his promise and then tried to gaslight you when you were rightfully upset. Not following through with stated intentions or promises is a huge red flag to me. 

Post # 11
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee

He’s reeling from being asked to be a Godfather? Girl, bail.

Post # 12
Member
8 posts
Newbee

View original reply
wishiwasawizard :  Reeling from someone else’s child’s baptism years ago? He’s right that HE needs to get his life together bc he doesn’t sound ready and he’s telling you so. It seems especially cruel to get you excited about a Thanksgiving proposal.  You shouldn’t have to drag him to look at rings, he should take the initiative and that is how you know he is ready to make the commitment for a life with you.  2.5 years does not sound so long but there may be other concerns 

Post # 13
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

Why does he take everything so hard? He’s still “reeling” from everything that comes along. He sounds like he can’t handle any stress or pressure at all. I don’t even know you but I feel like you deserve so much better. You need to sit this boy down ASAP and tell him he needs to grow up and get it together. 

Post # 14
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

He’s given you every excuse in the book at this point. He feels like you guys need to get your shit together, you care too much about the proposal, he doesn’t want to compete with your mom’s engagement, he’s reeling from the Baptism, you’re pressuring him by looking at rings and asking, and on and on and on. The excuses keep changing but the truth doesn’t, and the only consistency amid his words and actions is that he’s not ready to marry you Bee. I hope writing it all out like this has given you the perspective to confirm this. I wouldn’t even bother with another talk, he’s made it clear that his words hold no value and cannot be trusted. He’ll just make more excuses, string you along further, and/or shift the blame on you for wanting this too much. However, I understand the desire to try one last time; I would just urge you to not get your hopes up if he gives you another date and it comes and goes.

You’re still young and in the grand scheme of things, you haven’t been together THAT long. BUT, the concerning part here is his failure to stay true to his word and his unwillingness to even mutually decide on your future together. That would seal the deal for me.

 

Post # 15
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

Reeling from a baptism? I can’t even with this dude.

Also 100% what autumnmarvel  . She totally nailed it.

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