(Closed) At what point in your planning did your bridesmaids actually take interest?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 62
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MrsWinTraining2014:  Sorry but maybe you should go back and read your own post because I can also see a facebook chat group with posts on it, emaila and phone calls.

The fatc is you gave them until the 1st of March. If you wanted it done earlier than you should have picked an earlier date. I really don’t get people who get upset over deadlines that have not yet even passed or try and lay blame with other people when they themselves made the choice.

And I find your comment to the poster about her negativity rather rude. Maybe this is part of your problem, everyone else is to blame. She was just expressing an opposing view and trying to get you to see what the BM’s might be feeling as opposed to you the bride. Your wedding is your #1 priority, your BM’s have their own #1, 2, 3 & 4 priorities well ahead of your wedding.

To me you are the one being negative, bitching about people publically on the internet when they have not yet done anything wrong since you gave them until the 1st of March to pick a dress.

Post # 63
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe they don’t want to be in the wedding but they don’t know how to tell you, so that’s why they’re ignoring it. 

Post # 64
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m going to just say this even though you are probably not going to like what I’m going to say:  you probably don’t realize it but your attitude about your bridesmaids sucks.  I’ve noticed it in other posts and when I was reading this one and saw that it was the same poster again bitching about her bridesmaids, I thought, well maybe it’s not the bridesmaids.  Is it possible that the attitude you have here on this board is also translating to real life and you don’t realize it?  Perhaps your bridesmaids have picked up on it.  Your attitude about the shoes is horrendous (girls are begging to wear flats and you are forcing them to wear heels), you told your Maid/Matron of Honor you exptected a shower and then later complained that she works too much, and even in your posts about their gifts you seem to not even like the girls or care about them or even want to make an effort to thank them in a meaningful way.  You seemed upset about their lack of “helping” in another thread and it just seems like overall you are dissatisfied with them and I’m wondering if they know it and that’s causing the strain here.  Just a suggestion to maybe take a step back and remember that these are the people you care about most in your life and maybe treat them as such! 

 

Post # 66
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yikes.  I cringed at “when they havent done a damn thing for this wedding at all.” This attitude is really unappealing and I am not surprised your bridesmaids seem to not like you very much…you seem very unlikable.  Maybe it’s just how you come across here but I am concerned you are this negative in real life.  You seem defensive, demanding, and a little unreasonable in most of your posts here.  I’m just suggesting that you check your attitude because I feel like you may lose these friends if you continue to treat them the way it seems you are treating them from the way you post here. 

I didn’t say it was a crime to demand your bridesmaid’s wear shoes they have repeatedly said they don’t want to wear, but it certainly is rude and unreasonable.  Why are you demanding these specific shoes?  What is so important about them?  As for 5 other brides being equally unreasonable, well, I don’t know that we are addressing them in this thread but if we are:  to the 5 other brides demanding your bridesmaids wear shoes they don’t want to wear, you are rude and unreasonable too.

I also didn’t say you needed to buy “expensive” or “fancy” gifts.  I suggest thoughtful, meaningful gifts that show your appreciation.  But then, if you feel that they “haven’t done a damn thing” then I guess get them mouthwash and call it a day. 

This should be a really exciting and happy time in your life and you seem miserable.  I am just trying to get you to put it in perspective so you don’t look back later and regret how you treated people.

Post # 69
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsWinTraining2014:  I can imagine it would be frustrating if your emails and messages are not even being answered. Even a quick reply saying “dont worry, I have plans to buy the dress soon” would ease your mind. I think it’s pretty rude of them to not respond in any way to your messages. I think you need to consider taking matters into your own hands. Find a few dress options that work and that are in their price range, send them to your girls along with a deadline. However; you do still have plenty of time. My girls just ordered their dresses, and I’m 3 months out. Unless you are ordering from DB or another bridal store (which I would not recommend if you are trying to be price conscious), they should arrive in plenty of time. 

Post # 70
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsWinTraining2014:  As far as the gift issue is concerned, I am choosing to view the gifts more as a “thank you for being a great friend and for supporting our marriage” rather than a “thank you for helping with the wedding”. My girls are all in different cities, so I knew from the get-go that they wouldn’t be able to help much. The most important thing to me as that they are there supporting me on the wedding day. 

Post # 71
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@justpeachy123:  +1

 

View original reply
@MrsWinTraining2014:  I feel like you can’t really be that mad that they haven’t done ‘a single damn thing for the wedding.’ I’ve been in a few different weddings and for almost all of them the brides laid out in a group email or text, etc. what they wanted or might need help with soon or what they were planning on doing/working on certain weekends. They put it out there for the bridal party and the bridesmaids (who may or may not have their own lives) to decide if/when they wanted to help. If we didn’t want to help, no problem, but at least we all knew that the bride was incorporating us into other aspects of the wedding rather than just standing next to her at the wedding.

I don’t think a bride should wait around for her bridal party to offer their help and then get mad when they don’t. Nobody ever really knows what the bride actually wants help and opinions on, or what she wants to handle herself. You can’t be mad about them not helping you if you don’t ask, people can’t read minds.

As far as the dresses go, I do think it’s a little rude that they haven’t responded to your messages or helped you choose anything yet. It sounds like you’ve asked them a few different times and they are dragging their feet. I’m not sure if you are all local to each other, but maybe plan a day for all of you to meet up and have coffee or drinks to catch up and talk about the wedding, or even all of you just go to DB to try on a bunch of dresses in a group with no pressure to buy that day but to physically involve them and maybe they’ll be more willing to engage in wedding things with you!

Post # 73
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@MrsWinTraining2014:  you said

 Its not a crime to want your girls to wear a certain pair of shoes, i can show at least five brides on here who did the same, and the shoes they picked are much higher and most likely more expensive than mine, and i even did them the favor of buying them so that they didnt have to spend money on a pair of shoes they didnt want.


What a silly reponse. Making your friends wear heels that hurt their feet? That is ridiculous. Look, many young women love heels but your friends aren’t in that category, and that is ok. I’m sorry that you can’t accept that, it is such an unimportant thing to foist on them.

Post # 75
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@MrsWinTraining2014:  I can see that the heels are important to you, I just wonder if your bridemaids understood that when the agreed to take on the “job.” And it is doubly interesting that bridesmaids in the wedding a priority for you, but that may explain your focus today, I can kind of get that.

I always say about BMs in general: given the expectations that come out on the WB Bridesmaids board, it seem to me that brides need to forget about those ridiculous “bridesmaid boxes” and issue a clearly written contract for services that spells out the scope of work they require from bridesmaids.

Clearly communicated expectations in this way would likely result in no bridesmaids agreeing to serve, however. haha. Something to consider.

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