At what point in your relationship did you have the timeline discussion?

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I’ve been with my fiance for over 7 years.  He asked me to move in with him after a little more than a year.  Before I did, I asked him what he wanted.  He said that he wanted to be with me for the foreseeable future and he loved me, but that he did not intend to get married again.  He had an awful divorce several years prior.  We were 35 and 40 when we met and neither of us wanted children.  I decided that if we never got married, I would be ok with it.  We had a great relationship and there was no reason that should be a deal breaker.  I think he changed his mind after his dad passed away and no one was more shocked than me when he proposed on Christmas Eve.  I am thankful we had that talk before I moved in with him and I did do some thinking on it but I knew what I was getting into and had reconciled it in my head and heart. I just think both of you need to discuss your expectations but don’t lose sight of whether the relationship is healthy and your overall happiness.  I guess what I am saying is don’t tie your happiness into whether he’s going to propose soon or not. if you’re both on the same page, that’s all that matters.  

Post # 17
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Australia

I think that if it feels natural to bring it up, go for it! Honestly, I told my fiance within the first two weeks of us dating that I’m only dating to meet the right person for the long-run. Within a month, I let him know that I’d like to wait at least a year before engagement, but couldn’t do a 4-5 year wait for engagement (the movie 5 Year Engagement was on the TV haha). We also discussed the importance of finances to me at that point. I’m really not materialistic or sentimental, so I wanted to ensure that he knew that I didn’t want him spending a lot of money on a ring. We also then had to talk about what different metals and gems were, because he had no idea haha.

By the time we were together 2 years, I let him know that I was ready to get married when he was, and that watching my younger brother move out, get married and have a baby was making me antsy to be his wife! By that, I meant that I’d want to get engaged soon after moving in together, but he actually surprised me with a proposal 2 months earlier. Turns out he was already on that train of thought.

So if it feels right to you, and it is meaningful to you, see what he feels about marriage timelines.

Post # 18
Member
461 posts
Helper bee

We talked about getting married after our first date. We moved in together after a month, and got engaged after two years. It would have been sooner, but he wanted to ask me when he had a ring and he needed to save for it first. We’ve been together for five years now, married for two. Our relationship moved pretty fast, but we both just knew what we wanted as soon as we first started talking to each other. My previous relationship was the total opposite – everything was a struggle, and I felt like I was the only one putting in any effort. We were not at all on the same page, but he never came out and said it, even though I asked him multiple times. I should have realised his total lack of enthusiasm and moved on much earlier than I did. But it worked out in the end, my husband is amazing laughing

Post # 19
Member
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

Never had a timeline discussion or felt the need to. Every big change in the ‘status’ of our relationship (moving back to our family homes to save, renting together, buying, getting engaged and everything in between) has just been the obvious/pragmatic thing to do. I guess we were always just unspokenly (I think I made that word up but whatever) on the same page.

Post # 20
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

We discussed timelines at around 1 month of dating. We agreed that we would date at least a year before an engagement, but we never made concrete plans and things went along according to what we felt was the right time for us. We dated for 9-10 months when my husband bought the ring.

Post # 21
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

We talked timelines around three months, I believe.

Not necessarily because of our own preferences, but because I was talking about a friend of mine and her timeline, wherein he asked me if I had one. Once I laid out an incredibly approximated and general timeline, he told me he’d like to be engaged within two years.

He and I had both talked about generally wanting marriage and children a few dates in, but never disucssed personally. Currently we are planning to move in together at the one and a half year mark!

Post # 22
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

foreverdreaming :  After my husband (then BF) and I had been dating for a year, we discussed getting married and if we both wanted that someday. Both of us agreed that it was an option and we’d be open to marrying each other someday. We had started informally living together at about 8 months into the relationship (he had drawers at my apartment, did his laundry with mine, was there around 5x nights /week) so we knew we were kind of headed in that direction since we cohabitated really well together. After the 1yr mark we decided we’d like to get engaged in the next year or two. We browsed for rings as well. Over that next year after our 1yr anniversary, we made the commitment of buying a home together and that really solidified our relational commitment and plans to get married indefinitely. After we’d reached the two year mark, he proposed shortly after 🙂 

Post # 23
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

We’ve been pretty open from the beginning but the time line in the beginning was more hypothetical and vague and over time things have gotten more concrete though our ideas do change over time. 

Post # 24
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

My SO and I went on dates for 6-months before making our relationship status “official” (we had fears of commitment that developed from previous relationships which is why we took our relationship at a slower pace), moved in together after a year and a half of officially dating and began seriously talking about timelines after 3.5 years of officially dating.

With all that said, life is not linear. What feels right for one couple may not feel right for another. What is important is how you two feel. 🙂

Post # 25
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

We never really discussed ‘timelines’. We moved in together early on because we both wanted to (and Darling Husband had moved countries to be with me). Then we’d occasionally mention that we’d probably want to get married at some point (but weren’t fussed about doing it yet) until one day it came up again and we decided that now the time felt right to start organising a wedding.

This is coming from someone who was never that fussed about getting married in the first place so I guess I also wasn’t that bothered about timings. 

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