(Closed) Ate the bill

posted 2 weeks ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
3759 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Saying that you want to go out to eat to thank them for their gift does sort of imply you’ll be picking up the tab. I do find it rude that they suggested such an expensive restaurant. I couldn’t imagine expecting someone to pick up my $200 bill. I think this was just poor communication all around.

Post # 3
538 posts
Busy bee

If someone was taking me to dinner I would never pick such an expensive restaurant. Sounds inconsiderate of the wife, did the husband try to pitch in or just stand there looking mortified. Maybe cultural differences? I would chalk it up to miscommunication 

Post # 4
7094 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I can definitely see the miscommunication. You specifically told them you’ve been wanting to hang out and thank them, did you mention dinner? You did earlier in this post, but its unclear if you mentioned it to her specifically. In the grand scheme of things $200 as a thank you for their box and wedding gifts isn’t that crazy, and it would be weird to say anything now.

Post # 5
4422 posts
Honey bee

My thoughts:

  • Yes, that was ballsy and inconsiderate of her to pick a super expensive restaurant.
  • Im sure her husband has mentioned to her that your husband had asked him a few times if you guys can take them out for dinner as a thank you. I probably would have assumed the same too if I was her.
  • If the above is true, and that they assumed this going out is the “thank you dinner”, she should have picked a moderately priced restaurant. I’m thinking like Outback or Cheesecake Factory level. lakebee :  

ETA: I re-read your post and you said that right after your honeymoon, you told your husband to invite them for dinner. Then when you finally met her in December,  you “joked” about wanting to take them out. So which one is it? Perhaps next time don’t joke around something you did not mean to do. Some people will take you seriously and take you up on your offer.

Post # 7
345 posts
Helper bee

lakebee :  miscommunication aside, I’m cringing into my wallet for you. I’d’ve turned green! 🤢

Post # 8
125 posts
Blushing bee

To be fair, based on your account of things, I also would have been shocked that this was a thank you dinner and you were expected to pick up the tab. If it was intended as you thanking them, the invite would have come from you and not the other way around.

And then even on top of that, why would she suggest such a fancy restaurant if she was expecting you to pay? I’d be annoyed too. $200 for a box and some cards? No thanks. 

Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s anything you can do at this point. I’d just chalk it up to rude people and avoid future social outings with these folks. 

Post # 9
3114 posts
Sugar bee


I can see where the communication problem happened, but who in the hell chooses the most expensive place and makes the reservation for a dinner that is supposed to be a thank you gift?!?!

What a dick.

Post # 10
1318 posts
Bumble bee

That was ballsy of her. BALL-SY.

Post # 11
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Given that you’d invited them to dinner previously I guess I can see how she assumed you were buying, but agree that it was super tacky and ill mannered of her to suggest the most expensive restaurant in town when it was on your dime.

Post # 12
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Total miscommunication

Post # 13
3775 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

lakebee :  That was very tacky of her to choose an expensive restaurant with the expectation of you both paying. I don’t think that you wanting to treat them to dinner gave her carte blanche to do that. So sorry that you were put on the spot like that!

Post # 14
12528 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The box was apparently a wedding gift, or part of one. Only a thank you note was necessary in return. Any specific offer of hospitality, regardless of intent, should have come from you. The wife was unpardonably presumptuous, rude, and tone deaf to assume you’d be paying for a very expensive meal of her choosing. Inviting you to join them then sticking you with the bill was NOT any sort of miscommunication. 

Post # 15
2568 posts
Sugar bee

I agree that it’s strange and extremely presumptuous to choose the most expensive place in town and make the reservations themselves. But I can also see how this was a miscommunication.

lakebee :  You told her that, “We been trying to get her husband to let us say thank you to them for the box and cards. We ended up exchanging numbers. Later that same night she texted me and asked if we wanted to go to a certain restaurant that is very high-end and famous in our town.” 

You then say that, “Later during the text messages ‘a thank you dinner’ was never talked about.” Yet you had specifically mentioned dinner as a thank you (by inviting them for dinner several times) and then after you reminded her and exchanged numbers, she texted you that same night to follow up and, it seems, take you up on the offer. It sounds like she figured you felt like you’d been having difficulty getting them to accept your offer and so she decided to take you up on it and suggest someplace that they actually wanted to go. 

Now, I’m not saying she handled this well. But I can see how it was assumed that you’d be paying for the meal after you reminded her you guys wanted to treat them to something as a thank you, and exchanged numbers presumably for that reason, and then she followed up almost immediately to suggest a restaurant. 

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