(Closed) Ate the bill

posted 2 weeks ago in The Lounge
Post # 61
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

jenniferlynn_xoxo :  this 1000%

DrAtkins :  yes!

rainbowduckie :  they chose an ultra expensive restaurant  then ordered extra drinks etc,  A $400 “misunderstanding”?! Yeah sure 🙄.. I would have 0 interest in preserving such a “friendship”….

Post # 62
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Yeah no one reserves the most expensive restaurant and expects the other couple to pay the bill, regardless whether this was the “thank you dinner” or not. Even *if* OP had asked the wife to choose a restaurant, a normal person wouldn’t have picked the most expensive one in the city!

The right thing to do for the colleague is for him to pay OP’s husband immediately after sending his text. So far he hasn’t, so it’s obvious he’s using OP and husband too, just like his wife. The colleague is just trying to save himself face and pretend he’s a considerate friend by sending that text, but knows fairly well that OP’s husband wouldn’t request the money back.

Post # 63
342 posts
Helper bee

mrstodd2bee :  you missed this part “husband definitely looked mortified. Apparently today at work (my husband just texted me this) the co-worker/husband told my husband he should have paid for their half.”

If OP wants a cheque she needs to just ask for it. Otherwise, for the sake of her husband who has to see this guy everyday, get over it. Some people are very unaware. Maybe she has some motive for getting this meal out of them. Maybe she was expecting payment for the box. Maybe she felt insulted that they weren’t invited to the wedding. Or maybe $400 meals are not a big deal to her, in which case it could be a misunderstanding. I have work colleagues who regularly go to high-end restaurants like it’s no big deal. Whatever the case may be, either ask for a cheque or move on. I personally would not want to have to face a guilty looking co-worker everyday. Awkward. I’d just play it off.

Post # 64
13796 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You told her in  person that you guys wanted to take them out to dinner to thank them for their gift. She suggested a restaurant.  You accepted.  I don’t think her expecting you to pick up the tab is a stretch in any sense.  

Post # 66
2028 posts
Buzzing bee


rainbowduckie :  maybe $400 meals are not a big deal to her, in which case it could be a misunderstanding. I have work colleagues who regularly go to high-end restaurants like it’s no big deal.

I was going to say this. Not that it excuses this couple.  It is not a misunderstanding, it’s not being considerate of other people.  I have an acquaintance like this – I am amazed that she thinks because she chooses to spend crazy amounts when she’s out that everyone else does too. I am quite vocal about separate checks or “my portion is $xx”. I’m certain she thinks I’m cheap and IDGAF.



Post # 67
12528 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Hm, the plot thickens a little. With your update, and even knowing you offered to pay, I’m not sure it was in such good taste to ask your husband’s good friend to spend time and labor building a box to be used at a wedding to which they were not invited. He was obviously not going to charge you and may have felt imposed upon. 

I, too, know people who think nothing of going out regularly to meals like this and agree it may be part of it. I also agree it doesn’t excuse them. It was rude, clueless, and inconsiderate. 

The thing I don’t understand is if the friend saw the pained and surprised look on your faces why he didn’t just insist on splitting the check then and there. Maybe they did start out feeling a bit used on their end, but that is still no justification. 

Post # 69
12528 posts
Honey Beekeeper

lakebee :  An intimate wedding does put a slightly different spin on it. Personally, I still would not have asked under the circumstances unless offered first. I realize you wanted to express thanks and agree you have more than paid for his time now.

Post # 70
4422 posts
Honey bee

You know, I would just close this thread if I were you. Some of the replies here have been really helpful but some are starting to stir you off towards a different direction. You obviously learned your lesson with this one and made your own decision how to handle it. That is what’s important. We ALL (and I mean ALL of us) make mistakes and that’s how we grow and evolve. Good luck.

lakebee :  

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