(Closed) Atheist bridesmaid? Anyone experienced this?

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I was going to say, who the heck (I edited for you!!) cares what her beliefs are…it’s not like she’s going to preach them at your wedding.  But then you mentioned her post on Facebook.  I think it would be hard for me to have someone standing with me at my wedding who VOCALIZED her opposition to something I strongly believed in.  For example, if one of my bridesmaids were adamantly anti-gay, I would not want her there.  

It’s up to you.  If you think she would be scoffing at your choices, then don’t have her there.

Post # 4
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

If you’re already doubting asking her to be a bm, I wouldn’t ask her. I see way too many girls on here complaining 6 months later that they should have followed their instincts.

ETA: I say this outside of any of her atheist beliefs or your desire for believers by your side. If your relationship has been growing distant for several years you may just be growing apart. Regardless of the reason you shouldn’t ask someone just because you used to be close.

Post # 5
Member
1630 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsWilko:  Your friend is taking part in your ceremony as a symbol and act of love for YOU not for “God”. Whatever God she may or may not believe in. I think you’re being unfair. She’s also 100% entitled to her opinions on any public social media source she wants to post them on.

A lot of believers of God attack non-believers too.

Post # 6
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  I agree that people are entitled to their opinions.  However, though I do not agree with posts on Facebook that are like, God this, God that, I would never post something about them where my friends who post such things could see it.  If I want to discuss religion with people, I will attempt to do so respectfully.  So, I see this as an issue of respect.  Her friend is not respecting HER beliefs.

Post # 8
Member
1630 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@peachacid:  IF her beliefs is that God sucks. She is entitled to that also. I think a lot of my friends have very stupid beliefs but it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends…

Post # 9
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsWilko:  I am like your friend — I do not believe in God, and honestly (because I am being honest, not trying to be mean) I think the whole relying totally on God thing is ridiculous.  Do I publically state that on Facebook, which would only serve to offend my friends who ARE religious?  Absolutely not.  Do I respect your beliefs?  Absolutely.  I don’t agree, but I’m not going to call you out for it.  

I think she is not being a good friend by not respecting your beliefs.  

Post # 10
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsWilko:  So talk to her.  Say, I’m bummed by your recent post, considering my beliefs towards marriage.  Open up a conversation (where you do NOT ask her to be a bridesmaid and see where it goes before you decide.

Post # 12
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  It sounds like her friend posted something on facebook that basically ridiculed people who post about God a lot.  She was basically complaining…in a very public way.  That’s immature, first of all, and I don’t think it’s the forum for such complaining.  I am absolutely a “to each her own” kind of person, but making fun of other’s choices in that way is unacceptable.  

 

Post # 14
Member
7750 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m a Christian and I sort of agree with her. Facebook is not the place for preaching, about God or anything else. (That said, ranting about others on Facebook is also inappropriate). Just because she doesn’t like people ranting on Facebook, it doesn’t follow that she won’t continue to be your friend.

We only had a bridal party of 4 (2 BMs, 2 GMs), and two of them were atheists or pretty close to it. They were supportive and did all the right things at our Christian wedding, it was not a problem.

Post # 15
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Do you think she was actually aiming the post toward you or is it possible it was another friend or a combination of other friends who she got tired of seeing posts about God all the time? If it was aimed at you, I think you should definitely consider that when you are choosing BMs, if it wasn’t, I don’t know if it’s pertinent info. BUT, it sounds like you don’t need to make her your Bridesmaid or Best Man. Too much drama to start off with and wedding stress just adds to the drama as I’m sure you’ve seen other bees complain about. I’d just nip it in the bud and ask her to be a guest.

Post # 16
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I fail to see what the issue is.  You haven’t asked her yet, so it’s not like you asked her and changed your mind.  If you have reservations about asking her, don’t ask her at all.  You’ll regret it later.

If it really bothers you all that much that she was critical of religious posts on FB, bring that up with her in private (e-mail or phone call or lunch out) separately.

Atheist people are just as happy for their friends when they get married as Christians or Muslims.  She may not agree with your religious choices, but if she is a genuine friend she will most likely be 100% supportive of your wedding and marriage.

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