(Closed) Atheist or Agnostic Brides? Where are you?

posted 5 years ago in Secular
Post # 46
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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SunflowerGarden:  That is exactly why we didn’t want to hire a man of the cloth to perform our ceremony.  I wouldn’t want to suppress their religious views any more than I would want them to impose them on me.  Instead, a family member got ordained online to marry us, and we wrote our ceremony from top to bottom.

We didn’t really have any pushback from our families.  My side are agnostic at best, and his are Catholic by superstition only.  They only go to church for weddings, funerals and baptisms.  But even our most spiritual guests probably didn’t miss the religion because our ceremony was very reverent of love, family, and spiritual partnership even without mentioning a god.

Post # 47
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2585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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Sweet Melissa:  He wasn’t a pastor. He was an officiant employed by our venue, because we had a destination wedding. I paid him and I was told it would be non-religious. He shouldn’t be employed at a Las Vegas wedding venue that hosts thousands of weddings for people with all kinds of backgrounds if he has such closely held religious beliefs that couldn’t be “surpressed” for 10 minutes. 

Post # 48
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My Fiance and I are both athiests. I think we are the only ones on both sides of our family, but our relatives run from just casually religious to very very conservative Christian. 

I have some Catholics on my side that I know will have some thoughts about my completely secular wedding, but I doubt any will say it to my face. I know they will still be happy for me even tho they might not agree.  

The only family members that I am wondering about are Fiance sister and her husband. They are very, VERY conservative with their beliefs. I picked up from conversations with them that they believe a marriage is only valid if blessed by god, which offends us a bit since our love and partnership should mean just as much as theirs, but again they can believe what they want, and we can just believe they are wrong, lol.

She decided to not let her three year old daughter be our flower girl, which hurt 🙁 She said she thought it would be too overwhelming for her, which I can respect, but there is still this lingering doubt that it is because she didn’t want her participating in a non-religious wedding. 🙁

Post # 49
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My mom’s side of the family is Italian and Roman Catholic for the most part, and I was raised in the church and went to catholic school for 13 years, but neither she or I are still religious. My Fiance was raised in a religious family too, but I don’t remember which denomination, and he doesn’t practice or follow anything either. Neither he nor I were really interested in a religious wedding, and don’t care about getting married in the church, but we’re still opting for a simple non-denominational ceremony mainly for family’s sake. My uncle (mom’s brother) is a bishop, and he’ll be performing the ceremony for us. 

As an aside, I do living history at a Quaker site, and being able to trace my ancestry back to early Quaker families in my area, I’m finding myself more and more drawn to Quakerism, especially since one can be agnostic or atheist and still be Quaker these days. I just haven’t had a chance to visit the local meetinghouse yet because of my schedule. 

Post # 50
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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teacherwedding:  When I (a non-religious mungiacake) married a Catholic off the boat roots Italian boy – I think we had our work cut out for us.

We didn’t get married in the family church – which was like a daggar to my in-laws. BUT – they accepted gracefully when we sat them down and explained. (My husband isn’t really religious, just his roots are). We found our own place and got married outside.

We didn’t consult anyone for our ceremony, we met with the officiant who we found off the internet and we liked, he was very down to earth and did all kinds of ceremonies, and we modified his ceremony to our liking. No mention of god whatsoever. Again, not his parent’s preference but they took it like champs.

Now we have a new challenge about baptizing our son and don’t even get me started on that…..

Post # 51
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband and I are both Atheist. We didn’t really have any troubles with our families not having a religious wedding, but our officiant (Who was a good friend of ours & a pastor. He was not unaware of our religious affiliations) hi-jacked our wedding and gave about a 45 minute mini-sermon. At our meetup the day before we specifically asked for a non-religious ceremony and gave him the majority of the script we wanted. We did have a religious prayer at the very beginning, because I thought it was a beautiful joining of our families. I was pissed off at the time but it’s become a joke in our following of friends, so it wasn’t too bad.

Post # 52
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Sand Key Park- Clearwater Beach Elopement

Both my fiance and I are atheists. It’s not really a problem for us. Neither of our parents or other close family members are generally very religious. My side is Methodist, but not active in the church, and his side is Catholic but his parents are atheist/agnostic as well. The only exception is my fiance’s grandma, who is Catholic, but she’s pretty laid back and knows we’re atheists and isn’t expecting a religious ceremony. I doubt anyone would be upset with us not having a religious ceremony. Thankfully. I don’t know how we’d handle it if a very close family member was upset about us having a secular ceremony.

Post # 53
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My fiance and I are both agnostics, maybe even atheists, neither of us really put a lot of thought into our non-believing to give it a title haha. His mom is vaguely Catholic, but not really, his dad isn’t religious. My parents aren’t religious either. It’s pretty much fine with everyone. We have a strict “no praying” policy for our wedding and I will be very offended if someone suggests offering a blessing or prayer or grace or whatever. We keep joking that “Jesus isn’t invited” to the wedding. There’s only really one couple on the guest list (as far as I know) that is religious, but they’re close friends and I’m pretty sure they understand our stance on the whole thing. There are a few “Christians” on our list, but they never do any religious stuff besides saying grace at holiday meals, so I’m hoping that stays away from our wedding.

Post # 54
Member
416 posts
Helper bee

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Xu:  This.

I wouldn’t do anything beyond what I do on any given day to justify my beliefs, which is a big nothing. 

Our families are Catholic (very religious grandmothers) and it was made clear early on that neither of us were going to have a magical awakening because we decided to get married. That said, nonrelig weddings can be every bit as emotional and heartfelt as religious weddings and we made sure to find an officiant who had experience with secular weddings. Although I’m not religious, I don’t have an issue with ritual if I agree with the underlying purpose. So a ring blessing is cool with me, if it’s my nearest and dearest blessing us. If my grandmother throws in a silent prayer, I still appreciate her intent. All that matters is that the ceremony reflect you as individuals and as a couple.

Post # 55
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

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thelibrarylady:  what a good idea, my Fiance and I are both agnostic as well and despise when people try to push their beliefs on us. I’d be really upset if someone tried to pray over us because it’s meaningless to us. Just wish us well and go about your life..

Post # 56
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t understand having a problem with people praying for you. It’s positive energy and makes them happy.

DH’s parents are Reformed Jewish but agnostic, and my parents are Greek Orthodox Christian. We’re agnostic I suppose though I don’t feel like there’s a perfect word for it.

Honestly it was a relief that I didn’t even have to try to explain that I didn’t want a Greek Orthodox wedding (DH would have needed to convert & be baptized first and luckily no one in my family expected that of him). Everyone said our ceremony was lovely, and arguably it had some religious touches: We had a chuppah, broke a glass, and incorporated stefana (wreaths/crowns tied together with a ribbon), and there was a moment for the audience to send silent prayers, wishes, and good vibes. It reflected our heritage and was perfect for us.

Our hippie-type officiant, who is technically a Reverend but I thought he was Buddhist or something, and did a great job, surprised me a little bit by telling us “God Bless You” after the ceremony. But whatever, thanks for the good vibes!

Post # 57
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

 

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unicornphish:  well for me, almost all of the religious folks I know are Christian, and I don’t feel that Christianity has all that many good vibes. I want people to be clear that they are offering their own positive energy, not channelling it from their God. 

Post # 58
Member
258 posts
Helper bee

I had my brother officiate our wedding. Both hubby and I are completely non-religious. Instead of focusing on prayers, we focused on our vows, what love meant to us and our story, and wanted to thank the people who were there today. That being said, our ceremony was 15 minutes.

Post # 59
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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thelibrarylady:  I’m not the biggest fan of Christianity myself, but I was just googling my officiant and found the nondenominational church he’s affiliated with. It seemed to be all about good vibes, and used the phrase “God of my heart,” and “God energy,” and “the kingdom of God is within you.” So by that logic, I’d say their own positive energy and their God’s is the same.

There is a lot of good in the bible, and the Christians I know tend to ignore all the bad, which I don’t quite get the logic of, but their hearts are in the right place and faith can really help people find hope when they otherwise might despair. Religion does do good.

I’m also biased because I briefly dated an atheist who went to atheist meetings and events and I tagged along to a couple, and they were more negative and judgmental than any Church service or event I’ve ever been to.

Post # 60
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Has anyone struggled with whether to tell their families ahead of time that the ceremony would be non-religious? My extended family is SUPER conservative Christian. I moved away for college and have lived far away since then. When I visit home, I respectfully go to church (slip my kindle into a bible and just read through the fire-n-brimstone bits). 

These are people that I’m close to, but because of the distance I’ve just been able to not mention, for example, that my fiance and I live together. I suspect they assume I still go to church or at least have some belief.

But I don’t. We’re planning on having a fairly non-traditional ceremony. There will be no scripture, no god, fiance and I will walk down the aisle together, etc. I’m sortof afraid of having my wedding be my “coming out” as non-religious.

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