(Closed) Atheist or Agnostic Brides? Where are you?

posted 4 years ago in Secular
Post # 61
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

ABusyBride:  You mentioned your extended family, but not your immediate family. Maybe you should discuss it with your immediate family and see what they think?

Sorry I don’t have better advice to give, my family isn’t all that conservative and when I got engaged to a nice Jewish guy they didn’t expect a Christian ceremony anyways.

Post # 62
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Beaches Negril

teacherwedding:  I’m also agnostic but we have chosen to not use the word God and opted for neutral meaning quotes like the stars aligned to unite these two, etc. We also are having a non-denominational officiant.

Post # 63
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

teacherwedding:  We didn’t have any family anger about a non religious ceremony. Where we live it is very common for a friend to be the officiant and marry you (and not necessarily mention God or anything like that.) Who is marrying you? If you have a very good friend doing it, people might be less likely to question that. Religious guests should respect your style of wedding the same way you respect theirs when you attend a highly religious one. In my experience, as long as your ceremony is well written, emotional, and respectful, most people will be caught up in it and maybe not even notice or care about the lack of religion. I woudn’t put any wording in there that points out that you’re not relgious… you know what I mean? Most religions have some good stuff in their wedding vows… I definiltey borrowed when I was writing the ceremony script from the Catholics becuase I liked the formality and classic nature of their vows– I liked hearing those classic phrases “in sickness and in health, etc” and I just picked all the stuff I liked best from different vows and scripts, some religious, some not (and we exchanged our own personal written vows after we did the repeat after me ones). Maybe your family members are much more religious that we are, but for us it wasn’t an issue at all. Good luck! 

Post # 64
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

We had no family anger.  We have some religious family, however not overly so.

However, we also didn’t mention the details of our ceremony to anyone really.  Everyone knew our officiant was a good friend we grew up with, that the ceremony would be outside, and that was about it.  We didn’t have any religious messages, just passages my husband picked out.  

As far as I know, nobody was bothered.

I would say if you can get away with not even talking about the ceremony, that’s a good thing.  I would just mention you want to keep it private, and you and your Fiance are doing a ceremony that is meaningful to you (this goes for all brides that are opting out of religious ceremonies, not just OP).  

Post # 65
Member
5108 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m atheist, my family is technically Catholic, but non-practicing. Darling Husband is what I would call Deist, he believes in something like a god, but thinks that he/she/it does not interfere with our lives and does not need to be worshiped. DH’s family is extremely religious, like women don’t wear pants religious; they’re Pentecostal. The one thing about them though is that they keep their religion pretty private, they don’t try to force it on other people at all, which is nice. They know we’re not religious, and I’m sure they pray that we’ll find god, but they never get on us about it. 

We actually were married by their family Pastor, but we just did traditional vows without any mention of God. Nobody took issue with that.

Post # 66
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Atheist here as well as hubby. Hubby’s family is not really religious but my mother’s side of the family is. Mom knows we wanted a secular wedding and respected that. I had her pass along to the family that it would not be in a church and we were writing our own meaningful vows and requesting that anyone who made speeches would respect our lack of belief. Everyone was polite and respectful to it. Friends and family did write a few religious well wishes in thier cards which we thought were very sweet.

Whenever I go to a religious wedding I am always respectful of the ceremony and prayers and such and it was nice to see that everyone showed our secular ceremony the same level of respect.

Post # 67
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

I am agnostic, husband is atheist and fortunately we had no issues with our secular ceremony. We got married at a hotel in Vegas and the officiant offers religious and non religious ceremonies, so we naturally chose the non denominational one. We were married at one of their outdoor gardens which was very lovely and scenic. We actually got quite a few compliments on the ceremony and venue after. The ceremony was also only about five minutes long which was perfect for us.

Post # 69
Member
2038 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

No family anger at our wedding. We are both atheist/agnostic, as is my family. My DH’s family is very religious though, Catholic. They never said anything. It was a lovely, traditional wedding, just not at a church and no praying.

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