(Closed) Atheist Secular Ceremony + Deeply Religious Family

posted 7 years ago in Secular
Post # 31
19 posts
  • Wedding: May 2016

Is there anything you can do that would give some sort of nod to Christianity and how important it is to your family community & culture, while not actually incorporating the religious stuff into anything like the vows? (It’s one suggestion. I also agree with the person about taking a stand and allowing atheism to be visible, but it’s easy for me to say that without religious parents.)

(I’m trying to figure out how to do this with incorporating cultural Jewish elements without anything religious, but I don’t have the confounding issue of a religious family.)

Post # 32
228 posts
Helper bee

This is very tough and I don’t envy you.  All I can say is be yourself and true to your belief, your parents and family are and so should you.  Also walking in their shoes understand they will be devastated because they will look to themselves to see where they failed to instil their beliefs in you.  Best of luck.

Post # 33
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

alto82:  I’m sorry you’re in this position! I’m getting married next summer, and we’re both atheist, but we’re going to do the 2 Corinthians 13 reading for sure. You know, the “love is patient, love is kind” verse? It’s nonoffensive to my views, but I’m hoping it’ll throw the family off a bit. There will have been some bible! Maybe they won’t notice the lack of Jesus!

But I’m definitely worried about it. So sympathy and solidarity from me. 

Post # 34
33 posts
  • Wedding: October 2016

Sorry that you’re in this position – it’s never fun having to go through this kinda stuff. I would say that the best course of action is honesty. You could go with throwing in some religious stuff if that doesn’t bother you, but don’t feel like you have to conform to other people’s beliefs on your special day. It is all up to you in the end, and your family may be upset about it, but they will eventually get over it.

Post # 36
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

redstarburst:  Thanks for adding that, nice to see a happy ending there! It also sounds like the perfect compromise – allowing your parents to add their best wishes toward you as a couple without having to falsify your vows and all that good stuff. Nice!

Post # 37
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

In a similar situation myself. Fiance  is aethiest. I’m agnostic. Told my dad several months ago, and he disowned me. He has a severe problem with short term memory, though, so he forgot the conversation. I’m not about to remind him. We are having the ceremony in a church as a nod to my family’s faith with a somewhat sandwiched ceremony. The pastor will do the intention, sermon, and declaration, but a family member will do the vows and rings part with no mention of God. Mom is all bent out of shape about it, and Fiance  isn’t completely thrilled but this is the best compromise we got. The family can have their parts to wish us well via their faith but our actual vows to each other will be 100% what we believe. The ceremony battle makes you seriously consider eloping, though. Good luck!

Post # 38
4 posts

My fiance and I are both athiest, and whereas my family has been supportive overall, his family is PROFOUNDLY Christian. So I empathize. We’ve been getting a lot of passive aggressive “Oh but maybe if we found a pastor then……” or his mom trying to find one behind our back. The two best suggestions I have are finding tasks (ideally menial but time consuming tasks like writing out invitations) to get them to help out with so they feel involved OR (and my fiance unfortunately had to pull this card…) tell them that if this continues they will not be invited to the ceremony.

Post # 39
3985 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Alysa :  Hey Bee. Please refrain from bringing back dead threads. You are absolutely welcome to start a new thread to comiserate or get opinions though!! This OP is long gone though. Closing. 

The topic ‘Atheist Secular Ceremony + Deeply Religious Family’ is closed to new replies.

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