Attachment parenting?

posted 2 weeks ago in Babies
Post # 151
Member
5568 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

helixthecat :  bee… the “right” way is whatever way is going to work for you and baby, within reason of course, but you’re being safe and baby is feeling better.

The right way is different for every baby. Once you and baby get more sleep, you will start to think clearly again and you will feel MUCH less hopeless

Post # 152
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

littlebuzz :  And his pathetic excuse of needing 8+ uninterrupted hours of sleep for his “health”. Not only is Op’s health not a concern to him apparently, but neither is the health of his newborn child because if he can’t go to work tired or he will make a mistake how easy does it think it is to keep a baby ALIVE when you’re so tired you might as well be drunk? 

Post # 154
Member
2923 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

helixthecat :  Bee, at 6 weeks old, you gotta do what you gotta do!  As so many Bees have siad, it’s survival mode at that age.  My sister is a pediatrician and even though my daughter wasn’t as needy as yours is, I still thought I was doing everything wrong and ran everything by her.  My sister said unless you’re completely ignoring the baby, there’s nothing you can do that’s “wrong” at that age.

And I have to chime in that I can’t believe your husband.  My husband is an ER physician that works alternating days and shifts, including overnight shifts, and he still helped a ton.  For the first couple of months I slept in the spare bedroom with my daughter with both of us on the queen size bed.  I was desperate and did what I needed to do so I could somewhat function.  Even sleeping in the next room, there were nights my husband would come in and give me a break.

I’m glad you’re looking into hiring someone.  My mom helped a lot and I honestly would have cracked if not for the help.  My mother in law lives out of state and she came in for 2 weeks, stayed up every single night with the little one, as I had switched to formula by that time (yes, I know breastfeeding vs formula is highly debated on this site, but trust me, it saved me).  It was amazing how much better I felt just getting some sleep!  Formula is also thicker than breast milk and my daughter did so much better on it.

I’m sure you tried this, but at 6 weeks my daughter’s favority position was upright laying on my upper chest with her head resting on my left shoulder.  I think the pressure against her chest and tummy felt good.

Post # 156
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

It was kind of validating to see I’m not alone in finding her hard to cope with but also heartbreaking to know that she’s so unpleasant that her own grandparents are rejecting her. 

I dunno, I’m more getting the feeling that the men in your life are absolute douchbags.  Who the F tells someone they are going to help them out with the baby for an hour to give a new mom a break and leaves after 2 minutes because the baby cries?  How can you even give the baby a chance to calm down in two minutes?

OP, I’m going to be blunt, you’re having a terrible time but you need to stop blaming the baby as though she is cogitative and able to manipulate the situation.  You keep going on about how unpleasant she is, how when she’s older you’re going to tell her she ruined your life etc.  She is a baby, all she knows at this stage is to cry.  If anything is wrong the response will be a cry.  You need to focus on doing whatever you can to make her sleep so you can rest while you’re at home, but also out pressure on your doctor to help you figure out what is wrong with her.  

I’m glad things are starting to look up, baby books are utterly useless if they aren’t helping you and I’m glad you’ve decided to just do what is working for you.  This will get better! 

Post # 157
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

helixthecat :  I’m glad you’re feeling better. I just want to say that while I think investing in multiple IUDs and every other bc method known to man is absolutely the right call right now, it’s not going to solve the problem of having a selfish husband who could not seem less concerned with your wellbeing or that of your baby. It’s not going to solve the problem of you apparently thinking it’s your duty as a mother and a woman to take care of 100% of the baby’s needs (aside from giving an occasional bottle if the timing is convenient) on your own, and your husband happily going along with that.

Once you emerge from the fourth trimester and have some time to reflect on everything with a calmer (and hopefully better rested!) mind, I hope you’ll think seriously about what the bees have said regarding your “partner.” 

And by the way, unlike some of the bees in this thread, I don’t have a “perfect” husband by a long shot (and yes, I’m far from a perfect wife either). My husband was in the trenches with me doing his share of night feedings in the newborn era, but once we got out of that era, there were new challenges and I often felt like he could be doing a lot more to support me. To be completely vulnerable for a moment, having a baby has tested our marriage more than I thought it would. I’ve had days where I felt unhappy in my marriage, something I never could have anticipated before, as a direct result of me feeling like I don’t have enough support from him with the baby.

The ONLY way we’ve made it through is by me continually communicating to my husband how I feel and what I need from him. And by the way, those needs change constantly because BABIES change constantly. The idea that you and your husband had an “agreement” before you even got pregnant about how things would go, and that that agreement is apparently set in stone now, is just incomprehensible to me – it’s so wildly impractical to the reality of life with a baby.

I don’t know about you, but I am often tempted to martyr myself when it comes to baby care, just to prove a point, but every time I do that, without fail it just ends in more anger and resentment. Try not to fall into that trap yourself. I hope you can find a way to ask for more from your husband. I hope if he’s still unwilling to step up and be an actual partner to you, that you will think twice about whether he even deserves that title anymore.

Post # 158
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

helixthecat :  My dad called wanting to come visit, so I said that it would be great if he could come hold her for an hour so I could have a break. He lasted maybe 2 minutes before he took off because he just couldn’t handle it.

Two minutes? That says a lot more about your dad than it does about your baby. I had a pretty easy baby compared to yours, but there were many times she’d cry for an hour straight when she was a newborn. Welcome to babies?

Post # 159
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

helixthecat :  That is horrendous, inexcusable behavior for your dad to just take off like that!

Post # 160
Member
9821 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Two minutes means nothing bee. Babies who aren’t difficult cry for that long!

Post # 161
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

helixthecat :  your daughter isn’t unpleasant – your dad is an ass. My dad who is completely incompetent with babies and has ZERO idea what to do with one still managed to at least try and soothe his granddaughter if she started crying while he was holding her. He wasn’t usually successful but he got an A for effort. 

Post # 162
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I hope you’re starting to be able to get some sleep now OP. I don’t know if you said about telling your daughter that she bled you dry for her not having siblings if she asks was a joke or not, but I really hope you don’t tell her that in the future or tell her how awful she was as a baby if that’s how you feel about her cos that’s what my mom did my whole life and I struggle with it a lot. 

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I hope you hold the men in your life to higher standards in the future. I hope you begin to bond and enjoy your baby over the coming months. 

Post # 163
Member
2032 posts
Buzzing bee

Just commenting that most six week olds won’t sleep in the crib.  They need a smaller space to feel secure and comfortable.  I remember taking pictures around 5-6 months when my baby would sleep in the crib because it was so amazing to me.  Mine slept in a rock and play or my arms or the swing until 10 weeks and then a bassinet with one of those dockatot things.  

Post # 165
Member
9821 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Same. Our baby wouldn’t sleep in a crib until she was 9 or 10 weeks I think. Scarlett11 :  

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