Attachment parenting?

posted 1 month ago in Babies
Post # 198
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Bee, have you seen a doctor yet? For you, not for the baby? To talk about the amount of stress / sleep deprivation you are experiencing and any potential solutions? Or hired any help? It really seems like you need some extra support for YOU right now. Biologically speaking, your baby can’t really have an intense person personality this young, or be clingy. She’s too young to have the cognitive ability to experience separation anxiety and her needs and behavior are really physical, not emotional. 

Post # 199
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

helixthecat :  she’s seen three pediatricians and they don’t think she has reflux but they put her on medication for it anyway? What the heck?

ETA I feel a bit like a crazy person talking to myself but I am baffled by the medication your baby is on if they aren’t sure it’s helping (certainly doesn’t sound like it is) when it has a list of side effects the length of my hand. Not trying to drive you nuts. Just… baffled at your docs.

Post # 201
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Oh I completely agree it could be sensory, that’s different than emotional. And rushing water as soothing makes a lot of sense. It’s a calming white noise that mimics noises doctors think babies can hear in the womb (your blood rushing around /your digestive system gurgling away,).

Post # 203
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

helixthecat :  So much progress 🙂 happy to hear this! 

Post # 205
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Do you take her outside at all? Some babies suffer from a lack of stimulation so you could try getting her out in the fresh air and nature a bit. Fresh air can also really calm an upset baby and it’s good for you, too.

Post # 206
Member
2978 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe try a white noise app with waterfall sounds if she likes the bathtub sounds. Or shit, run a bath for you and leave her in her swing to listen to it. You can soak while it fills up… 

Post # 207
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

So happy to hear that you’re getting more sleep and that your husband is stepping up!

White noise is a great idea. Back in the day my parents used to take me on the subway when I was fussy and apparently it put me right out every time. Totally worth the tokens, lol. If running water works for her, you could make a recording of it on your phone so you’d have it handy if she starts up. If turning lights on or off or switching environments distracts her, that does seem like she might be in need of more sensory input. It’s counter-intuitive, since after we learn to talk and process sounds we tend to relax most when it’s quiet, but newborns are weird like that. 

 

Post # 208
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I know you might be just done with all the comments and suggestions but if you haven’t already, looking into high needs babies might help. We had the same with our son being a delight for the first two weeks after birth and then it went downhill real fast. Apparently though, this is an “adjustment” period where the baby starts getting aquainted with life outside the womb so my GP would never use the good weeks as a standard to compare against the bad that followed. Even after we combatted a milk protein allergy, my son’s crying was close to the same. On a late night search for what was wrong with him, I stumbled accross the term high needs. Not everyone believes in this theory but when the standard parenting advice didn’t work, the advice for the high needs baby did. I used Dr. Sears (for high needs, not attachment) and The Fussy Baby Site for most of my resources. The Fussy Baby Site runs a Facebook support group which was amazing to join (especially if everyone around you has the sack of potatoes style baby) – seeing posts from parents on a regular basis dealing with the same issues that I was made me feel not so alone. As other posters have mentioned, it’s not easy dealing with a baby that doesn’t sleep and wants to be held all the time – you’re doing a good job. Also FWIW, my mom and friends and I share the same philosophy as you about crying and my son is a hot mess and hers is a sack of potatoes – I feel like your child’s personality is going to be what it’s going to be – attachment or not, so just do what gives you sanity – which it sounds like you are! 

Post # 209
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

I follow an attachment parenting style and also had a VERY fussy baby until about four months old. I was being driven mad by the lack of sleep, but I loved babywearing. We practiced over and over and over methods by TakingCaraBabies, and he eventually slept on his own in his crib. A bedtime routine is essential! We have done bath, song, bottle, bedtime since he was two months old. He’s now 9 months and is secure and happy as a clam! I still wear him and if he’s having a hard night I safely co sleep, but those nights are rare. He naps in his crib and goes down easily. 

Push theough, Momma! Those first few months are freaking  hard. I swore I’d never have another child during that time but soon after found myself pregnant. I miscarried but if I hadn’t I would have been happy having another. My husband an I are actually going to try again soon. It gets better!! Get some help, give yourself a break, and understand your baby will be okay crying while you go pee or pour yourself a cup of coffee. There is a difference between crying it out and crying, and that took me a while to learn. If the baby is crying while you make a bottle, sing to them so they know you’re there. You got this!!

Post # 210
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so happy you have made progress! This is definitely a good update and steps in the right direction! 

I know you already said you know this, but maybe you still need to hear it, but just because your husband doesn’t do parenting the same way doesn’t make it wrong. If he is trying to step up, you must let him. Otherwise he will feel discouraged and stop trying. You understand what it’s like to feel like a failure as a mom, so don’t pass that to him as well. I’m no fan of his, but I’m happy he stepped up, so continue to learn together and give each other patience, grace, and understanding. You will need it. 

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