Attachment parenting?

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 76
Member
813 posts
Busy bee

Bee, you sound exhausted. Your husband needs to step up. There is no reason you should be going on 30 minutes of sleep a night in a two parent household. Oh he can’t hold HIS screaming child for at few hours a night so you can sleep?! Too damn bad. You sound at your limit and anyone would be in your position.

I agree with a PP. Give your husband HIS child and go to a hotel for a night. 

Post # 79
Member
5587 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I know this isn’t exactly helpful, but your “husband” makes me want to vomit

Post # 80
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

helixthecat :  Please DO NOT worry about creating bad sleep habits at 6 weeks old. Whatever you need to do to get baby asleep (and you some rest), do it. Bad habits can be broken later, when she’s less demanding and you’re out of newborn hell. 

Drowsy but awake is not something you should even worry about now. For the record, while my baby wasnt as high needs as yours, she wasnt easy either. She would need to be dead asleep before I put her down (achieved by any number of things including vigorous rocking). By 5-6 months, I could put her down drowsy and pat her bum to sleep. By 10 months she could put herself to sleep. It may or may not happen this way for you, but she will sleep eventually. Have you looked into reflux or any sort of intolerance to something being passed through breastmilk?

Weeks 5-9 are notoriously difficult. 6 weeks is called peak fussiness, which is apparently when they cry the most purple crying that they ever will. This held true for my baby. I used to also worry I was doing permanent damage by not being able to stop her but as long as you’re there with her, the crying is fine. And if you need to put her somewhere safe and have a break, that’s fine too. 

Post # 82
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

helixthecat :  That is so hard! I know you’ve probably been through all this but I’m just trying to come up with any ideas possible for you- are you sure shes getting milk when she feeds? What if you try just a bottle so you know how much shes getting? Like I said, this was probably the first thing you thought of. I’m sorry the doctors you’ve spoken with have been so unhelpful. 

Post # 83
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

helixthecat : well heck, not sure but a search on google a few other women found prevacid was causing their babies insomnia and stomach pain. Maybe check the possible side effects list for the drug sheet you have or check in again w the doc?

Post # 84
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

My first baby was like this screamed bloody murder all night.  The doctor said she had never seen anything like it.  We took her to one of the best children’s hospitals in the country FOUR times and they said she was fine.  

We went to a gastro specialist and finally put her on Similac Alimentum and it was like a different child.  I now have a six week old second child and she is nothing like my first.  I hope they can find a solution for you.  I had to keep going to different doctors before they finally found the solution.  This is not normal.  

Post # 86
Member
956 posts
Busy bee

Bee, my first child cried all the time. Turned out he was tongue tied and couldn’t nurse properly, but we didn’t figure that out until he was 6 weeks old. Even after correcting the tongue tie and getting help with nursing, he was the worst napper. Wouldn’t sleep unless we were in car or he was being held/worn/carried. He’s now 12 and making straight As in an IB program. None of the crying ruined his brain development, and all the carrying didn’t spoil him or affect his ability to sleep by himself when older. I coslept with both kids when needed so that I could also get sleep. It all turned out ok. Don’t be so hard on yourself. There is no one right way to parent. 

Get some help. We are not meant to do this alone. Your husband needs to help out way more. 

Post # 87
Member
956 posts
Busy bee

Oh, and how much you pump does not equal how much a baby gets when nursing. Go see a lactation consultant if you haven’t already and see about what’s going on with your LO’s tummy. Vomiting like that isn’t normal. You may not change p your latch/nursing home and/or the formula and bottle nipple. helixthecat :  

Post # 88
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Will your baby perhaps suck on your little finger if she won’t take a paci? Do you think she wants to suck as a form of pain relief but the sheer volume of milk is causing her more pain? I’d definitely push to get some better answers from your care team because that sounds like more than just colic or reflux.

You deserve better answers and to enjoy this newborn stage!

Post # 89
Member
2528 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Massive hugs to you. My eldest was a high needs baby, constantly feeding, always tense, never really happy, only satisfied when being held by me…she was hard work. I don’t think it helped that I had anxiety with her which I think also set her off too. 

She had an undiagnosed tongue tie, revised at 8 weeks which helped us. 

We discovered she had a dairy intolerance at 9 months which also helped  I gave it up at 18 months to see if it helped because I was breastfeeding and it improved her even more  

 

but the biggest game changer was going to a cranial osteopath at 10 months. They only use really light touches but my daughter’s reaction was as though she were being stabbed. Lots of babies can suffer from undiagnosed birth trauma which is invisible due to the pressure they can be under from giving birth. We took her to three sessions where her neck and stomach were “released” and she was like a different child. Even her nursery teachers noticed a difference instantly. 

 

Yes my daughter was/is/always will be a high needs/highly sensitive child but the steps we took above made a massive difference to our lives and they may help you too. 

 

Definitely at this age survival is key. Do what you can to keep safe and to get sleep. Throw out those books which aren’t helping and just making you anxious  about the little things. Fact: babies are going to cry. Some do it so much you fear they may take your sanity. At the end of the day it’s not about stopping their tears but about how you respond to them. 

 

Really massive hugs to you. I pray that your husband steps up and realises he’s a parent to this child too. 

Post # 90
Member
28 posts
Newbee

A. You’re doing a great job mama. I agree with the others—fight the fire that’s in front of you. Don’t even think about what may or may not happen years from now. Get through the next few months, however you and baby safely can.

B. What does the SLP say is the problem? We only typically deal with feeding to the esophagus, maybe it’s worthwhile to have a GI take a look at how the rest of the system is working.

C. Do you have anyone else around you trust? Parents? Friends? Hired help? PPs had good recommendations of PP doulas, nurses, etc. I saw you mentioned you are having some difficulties getting your partner on board and supportive….perhaps try again but have a backup plan to get support if he does not come around quickly. 

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