(Closed) Attachment parenting vs. Baby Wise?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with the mix and match approach.  If you start out with a plan and then adjust to what fits your family, you’ll create the right environment.  There just isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. 

I think I misrepresented my parenting when I said I don’t let them cry it out… ever.  When they’re infants, I didn’t.  But as they get older, like MightySapphire said, I’m comfortable with it. 

I’m not sure if it’s b/c my youngest might be the last baby, but I’ve babied him more than my other children, and he is having sleep issues at 2yrs.  If we have another child, I will go back to the routines I had with the other two.   I’m tuned-in to his cues, potty-training went well, and he’s very calm (how much is genetic is open for debate).  But I can tell you that not having a break (which is what AP sounds like) has big drawbacks.  I’m not sure, honestly, if it’s made us more in-tune than I was with his siblings.  (I don’t practice baby-wearing, so just my .02 from my various parenting experiences)

For AP if you work… would your caregiver take over wearing the baby?  I don’t know much about it…

Post # 18
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think people who get caught up in their parenting style are no worse than people who are caught up in their image-because a lot of it is based on image. If I’m “crunchy” then I have to do attachment parenting, or whatever. I’m sooo not crunchy but I BF, babywear… Some things work, some things don’t. I hate that there are now lables for how we raise our kids.

Post # 19
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I’m all for a mix and match approach too.  I didn’t read either baby wise or attachment parenting book.  I like hearing ideas but didn’t want to put dogma above what works for us.  I was kinda turned off to the AP label after reading some weird stuff on mothering.com and watching a friend struggle with trying to be super AP, but I think both of those things are people trying to give themselves over to a philosophy than treating themsevles and their child as individuals.

We baby wear sometimes, but she goes in a stroller for runs, has lots of floor/exersaucer/bouncer/swing time too.  She sleeps in our room but not in our bed (OK in the morning sometimes she sleeps in bed next to me).  Our schedule was more like wake nurse play nurse sleep but it varied soemtimes she didn’t want to nurse when she woke up and sometiems she would fall asleep without nursing.  I don’t mind baby fussing sometimes as she gets older but screaming seems to lead to a fussy baby and a fussy mommy with leaking milk at this age (4-1/2 months) so not really for us.  But as she gets older things may change too.  We’re flexible and try to work with baby not against her.  

Post # 20
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

but I think both of those things are people trying to give themselves over to a philosophy than treating themsevles and their child as individuals.

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@troubled you said what I wanted to say except better!

Post # 21
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@pinky44

I’m right there with you hoping and praying for an easy baby!

Post # 22
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I read all of the books: Babywise, Attachment Parenting, Baby Whisperer, Happiest Baby on the Block, and Supernanny.  We then did whatever worked.

Personally there are some good things to take from all of the philosophies.  For Attachment Parenting you don’t have to do it all.  The biggest issue I usually see with Attachment Parents is the part where they don’t get to last chapter.  They let thier children run all over them always.  Attachment parenting still ends up with discipline and schedules.  It is just that the child leads the schedule.  After our baby was a high needs baby (read never ever every slept and screamed not cried for 12 hours a day).  The only people that touched on that was Dr. Sears.

We like the Baby Whisperer because it is a good middle ground philosophy.  It is a parent directed routine if EASY – Eat, Activity, Sleep, You.  There is assisted CIO which means you are there while they cry you never leave them.

Happiest Baby on the Block works especially if your baby is high needs. 

We ultimately held our baby constently when he was little and just screamed.  Now, you has a hard time not being held which is not always a good thing.  He has very bad associations with sleep but he spent months being in pain.  Sleep wasn’t always a good thing.  He is almost on a schedule and things are working much better.  I always said I would never cosleep but when they wake up at midnight and you have to work at 6 the next morning you bring them in and sleep.  You do what  you have to do.  Just realize that some things will create habits that may or may not be what you want later.

Post # 23
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

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@MissDareDevil I think AP is totally doable for working parents.  It’s not an all or nothing thing.  You can do some babywearing while you are home or running errands and you can co-sleep or whatever, and certainly then go to work.  I work full time and I think our parenting style is still referred to as AP.

Post # 24
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Is there an age when baby-wearing stops?  Obviously, there has to be… lol… but what is recommended?  I’m starting to think I lean more towards that parenting style without having known much about it.  For those who practice it, how does continuing co-sleeping affect your child’s ability to self-soothe?  My 2 yr old is waking-up every night and won’t go back to sleep w/o a cup of milk.  So I’m up with him and then brushing his teeth… I feel like I’m in the newborn stage again.

Post # 25
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

To be honest, I think sometimes we parents give ourselves a little too much credit for the way our children turn out.  🙂  What I mean by that, there is a natural balance of nuture AND nature that influences a child’s eventual temperment, personality, and behavior.  We parents often think that we’ve done a good job or chosen the proper parenting technique only if our children are smart, coordinated, fun, well-behaved, evenly tempered, etc…  The fact is that your child is being influenced by biology, too, and sometimes parenting can’t compensate for nature’s design.  I think this is where parents mess up; putting too much pressure on ourselves to force ourselves or our children into a certain parenting model completely ignores biology in the equation, and I think, it often creates frustrated, unhappy families, rather than happy, content parents and children.

I used to consider myself more AP, but now I feel like I fall into a no man’s land in terms of parenting.  We co-slept and babywear, but I didn’t breastfeed.  We never used any sleep training, but I have no issues with calling EC “infant toilet training” because that’s what it is, to me.  We use positive discipline, but we’ve had to alter those techniques to our child’s individual personality.  Overall, we just try to recognize our daughter’s unique capabilities and traits and parent for the long-term, instead of the short-term.  Sometimes, this attitude matches up exactly with AP, sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s the style that works best for us and our family. 

Post # 27
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@MissDareDevil  To add to your reading list, then, I really liked the Happiest Baby on the Block book (it gives you techniques on how to calm crying babies, especially when they are crying for seemingly no reason), and Positive Disipline for 0-3 Years Old (which is kind of an AP style book but a little more about encouraging healthy independence from a young age). 

ETA:  You’ll figure out what to do when your baby is crying.  🙂 Remember, parents have been doing this for hundreds of thousands of years.  You’ll probably feel a little lost or not confident at the beginning, but as you get to know your baby, you’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t.

Post # 28
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

If you want to know what your baby’s cries mean from 0-3 months, check out @jjmomma.  Crying at that age is a reflex, and so certain impulses will result in the same reflexive crying in ALL babies, not matter what culture, race, or language.  An example is “neh” which means hungry.  And once you see it you’ll be like OMG, I know what that means!  I felt like super mom after going through the five cries and knowing exactly what my DD needed. 

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@jjmomma We have an Ergo carrier that will work until the baby is 2 years.  The Baby Bjorn carrier only worked until 12 months and was uncomfortable most of the time.  Slings can vary, some slings can last longer than others.  Slings with stretch going in both directions of the fabric last less time than those with stretch in only one direction.  Slings with no stretch in the fabric last longer than either of the above.  I think it’s a good idea to let your baby walk on their own once they are able, but if I need to run a bunch of errands I don’t have time to let her walk, so I use the carrier.  I also found that carriers were just more convenient for me than strollers while shopping and the baby tolerates baby wearing better than sitting in a cart or stroller.

Post # 30
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

Since our parents don’t live nearby, I needed to learn a lot on my own as a first time mother.  I liked learning from Baby Wise as well as a variety of sources that gave me tools/ideas to equip me for my unique baby before delivery. I felt BW gave me a clear sense of how to watch baby, then make the best decision with wisdom, adapting to baby. Though I definitely don’t do things by the book,  I do enjoy having a routine schedule determined by studying baby’s patterns.  I breast feed because we can. I  EC/infant potty train because baby likes it and gets it.   I read baby’s cues to make decisions based on what I see is working.  I stroller or wear baby depends on what kind of mood she is in.

And yes,  parenting decisions look a lot different then what we expected. For example, Hubby has often bounced baby on ball to sleep while surfing the web. We sometimes turn on videos when she’s around.  I would have gone with crib-sleeping if she would sleep more at night but she sleeps better with us so we are co-sleepers. I’m pretty sure Cry It Out works with older babies, but I didn’t realize I would have such a hard time with it (maybe even more than the baby).

Post # 31
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

This thread is so interesting!

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