(Closed) Attacked Over +1’s

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

You’re not being unreasonable. They are being rude. It’s up to them if they want to come or not, but they shouldn’t be attacking you for saying that they can’t bring a date.

Post # 4
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i understand how you feel im letting the wedding party bring guests even if they dont have boyfriends or girlsfriends

but other than that for regular friends and family on the guest list…. if you arent living with him/her, or been dating him for ages then too bad so sad

if i make an exception for one, i have to make it for all and im not doin that

Post # 5
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

It doesn’t matter HOW you came to your decision!!  You have told your guests that only certain people will be extended a +1.  Period.  Gospel.  They don’t have the right to argue with you about it.  If they are so offended, then they just shouldn’t come!  I seriously hate when people complain to a hostess about her party!

Post # 6
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That is totally the kind of thing I would have thought before I started actually planning. I am allowing plus 1s for all of my guests, but I’ve flat out told my FI’s friends that they are not allowed to bring any old skanky chick they want to my wedding (luckily I can get away with this because I’m the “cool one” of the SOs in his clique). Even at my 150 person wedding, I don’t want many people I don’t know. So, on a small island? No way. They just don’t know any better and they are WRONG.

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

we all go through this and it’s annoying! i’m having a small wedding, and i have a guest who didn’t even think she’d be invited because it’s so small. then she asked me if she could bring her bf of one month! she offered to pay for him. NO! it’s not all about money, it’s about the fact that i don’t want this guy that i’ve never met there when we don’t even have room for our own family to come.

it’s your wedding, invite who you want, stick to your rules, and they’ll get over it. don’t people know not to stress out the bride yet!

Post # 8
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

They are being rude. I say don’t make any exceptions or things will get really complicated! I think it’s hard for people to understand these issues when they are not the ones planning a wedding. If they ever get married they will suddenly understand that they can’t invite everyone and their brother. I think someday they will also understand just how much money a wedding costs!

I have learned (the hard way) that with a wedding guestlist you will never make everyone happy! There has been so much drama with my parents and Future In-Laws over ours so I understand how annoying it can be to hear criticism!

Post # 9
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Ugh, I hate how people can be so rude and judgmental. Wait until these ladies have weddings.. KARMA.

Post # 10
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

So rude.  Do I invite random people to your house when you have me for dinner?  No, because that’s rude. (someone did that during our engagement party…not impressed).  Why people think the rules are different when you get married, I don’t know.  And if it’s so much trouble for them to travel to see you get married that they need to be “paid back”, then they shouldn’t come at all.  Ugh. 

Post # 11
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

They shouldn’t get on your case about it.  That isn’t appropriate.  They probably were making some assumptions in their heads.  Personally, I like guests to bring +1s.  But if you can’t  swing it, you can’t swing it. 

They need to weigh how important it is to have a date, vs. celebrate your wedding without one.  I would just calmly let them know that you’re sorry, but it’s too expensive.  And that you really do hope they’ll still come, but will understand if they choose not to.

 

Post # 12
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

People only get +1’s if they are living together or engaged… that is my rule!  NO EXEPTIONS.  They are being RUDE… and they will never understand until they are in the same position.

Good Luck!

Post # 13
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It is your wedding, and you have every right to limit the +1s.  However, I can tell you that I would have declined the invitation (politely and without ever mentioning the reason to the bride) if I was in a relationship and not invited with a +1, especially if the wedding involves travel.

Post # 14
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You know…most times its people who have never planned a wedding or did not have to pay for their entire wedding that often make such dumb comments! The fact of the matter is–this is YOUR day and unless they are coming to the wedding not knowing ANYONE…why would it matter you can’t bring the latest beau…I think people forget who the day is REALLY about!

Post # 15
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

They are being a bit rude, but i see where they’re coming from.  I wouldnt be too thrilled to travel somewhere for the weekend alone, stay alone in a hotel, and attend a lovey-dovey event alone, sit alone, and go home alone.  Im an independant person, and travel for business alone all the time, but if this was the situation for a wedding i was attending, i would probably not go.

its tradition to bring someone to a wedding, its kind of a given, and everyone kinda knows it.  i understand the budget thing, trust me, but your friends arent looking at it that way.  youre asking them to spend a weekend traveling alone and to spend money on getting there, bringing a gift, probably a new outfit, etc. but htey have to do it alone.  i see where they’re coming from.

Post # 16
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I understand where they are coming from, I went to a lot of boring weddings and thank goodness I had someone there with me to talk to, but it’s your wedding….and if you can’t afford it, they should understand.  They just don’t have to attend, they don’t have to be rude about it.

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