Post # 1
Darling Husband and I are invited to a wedding and for various reasons would only be able to make it to the reception. It is a friday wedding and the ceremony location and reception location are 2 hours apart. The ceremony is 2 hours from where we live, then it would be another 2 hours to get to the reception from the ceremony. If we only went to the reception, it would be 1.5 hours from us but it would be later and so would not interfere with work. He cannot get off that day, so taking off is not an option.
My question is if it is acceptable to just RSVP yes for the reception. We are not the only couple who is having this problem and I am fairly sure (though I have not spoken to her about it) that the bride is aware that many people will not make it to the ceremony. I am just not sure that I feel comfortable just going to the reception. Should I care? Part of me feels as if they have to know that some guests will not be able to make it to both.
What would you do in our situation?
Post # 3
As a bride, even if I knew that it was possible my guests couldn’t come to my ceremony, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be disappointed if they didn’t. Or miffed that they did manage to make it to the open bar. I think that if it’s absolutely impossible for you to find a way to go to both, you shouldn’t go at all. We all know that even though people mainly focus on the reception, the whole (and only) real point of a wedding is the ceremony. Even if I completely understood your situation, part of me would still be pissed that you only came for the food.
Post # 4
Doesn’t seem a problem to me, as in the UK it is common place (and by this I mean standard for every wedding) to have evening only invitations. They are for people you are less close to or associates/ work collegues rather than close friends and family. I gather it’s not something done in America, but your reasons are genuine so I don’t see the problem. If you’re wanted as their guests surely they’ll be happy to see you in the evening rather than not at all?
Post # 5
* thought I should clarify that these evening invitations are for the evening party only and not the reception dinner. Is it the dinner you’ll make it to or the part after? Either way my answer is probably still the same. Guess it’s a different perspective over here as things are done a bit differently anyway.
Post # 6
Its a friday wedding with some distance involved, so I am sure the bride would understand. I would just Rsvp to the event then give her a personal call and explain to her, or vice versa. I am sure she is aware of the logistics of a friday wedding, so I would thonk there would be some understanding of work situations.
Post # 7
I don’t know- I would talk to the bride. See what she says/ how she feels. Good luck.
Post # 8
We’ve had to miss the ceremony for both Friday weddings we’ve gone to recently. We just don’t have the type of jobs that make taking off of work on a Friday possible. As well, to me, a wedding is more about the celebration of two people coming together, the dancing, dining, talking, toasting and revelry that comes from the reception. Being a non-religious person, I usually find the ceremony aspect to be (DON”T BEAT ME UP BEES) boring! Sorry!!! I’m super happy everyone is getting married and everything but I don’t really need to hear about the religious readings and stuff to be happy about it. The vows can be nice but often you can’t even hear them or they are just you know, standard. (sorry – don’t be offended anyone please, just my own opinion and preference).
Of course the actual marriage is what we’re celebrating but I don’t think not being able to see that part at all means you shouldn’t go be a part of the couple’s happiness and celebrate with them. So go.
Plus, when you book a Friday wedding, which comes with the awesome perk of less expensive, you MUST know that there are going to be many people you are inviting that cannot make it to the ceremony, so it’s a give and take.
Post # 9
I too think that when you book a friday wedding you know you are giving up some things. Especially a friday wedding with some distance. I would place a personal call and explain the situation, I think the bride will understand.
Post # 10
As a friday bride, I knew that choosing a friday especially an afternoon ceremony start time, would mean that some people wouldn’t be able to make it. I was thrilled to see them at any part of my wedding, whether it was the ceremony or the reception.
Post # 11
the reception is a 2hr drive away from the ceremony? wow
Post # 12
@eloping: YES! The reception is two hours drive from the ceremony.
I feel like if you are going to do that – and the couple has personal reasons for doing it that I completely understand – you are going to have to accept the fact that not all your guests are going to be willing or able to attend both. While a PP may think it is rude for us to show up “for the open bar” (which is rude of you to assume but whatever… I will not go there), I think it is something that the couple should be expecting given the fact that it is a huge inconvenience to hold your reception 2 hours from your ceremony on a friday. Sorry, but it is.
Post # 13
I went to a Friday wedding and there were probably 50 people at the ceremony. There were like, 200 at the reception! it seemed fairly common that folks cannot attend an early afternoon friday wedding.
Post # 14
I just recently attended a Friday wedding that was also like @ejs4y8 (~50 at the 3pm ceremony; 200-300 at the 7pm reception). so I guess it’s not uncommon.
Post # 15
I’m a Friday bride too, and I don’t expect to see anyone at my reception who wasn’t at the ceremony. To be fair, that’s partly because my ceremony is late and being held in the same venue right before the reception, but that’s besides the point. I expect a lot of no-shows, but that’s not because it’s a Friday wedding, it’s because half my guest list is out-of-town. Everyone else who wants to be there will, I’m sure, make the effort to be there – for all of it. A good friend of mine had a Friday lunch wedding a couple years ago, and I don’t believe that anyone showed up after missing the ceremony.
Also, I asked my fiance this question last night for additional input on your poll and his response was “Hell no”.
@busterbluth: That was me, and no it’s not rude, and no it’s not an assumption. If I planned a baptism or a funeral or graduation, and a bunch of people missed the ceremony (i.e. the reason for the party to exist in the first place) and then still wanted a free dinner, I’d be pissed. I’m a Friday bride too, if you’ll notice, and I am answering honestly that I would be really annoyed by this. Yes, I invitied them because I want them there – for the ceremony. If they can’t change their plans or balance their priorities to accommodate that, then okay that sucks for me, but I’m not going to be like “Well sure, why don’t I just spend $100 on your plate anyway”. No chance. If they care enough about my wedding to come at all and support it, they’d surely have enough respect for it to be there for the whole thing. If they can’t be there for the whole thing for whatever reason, I’d expect them to have the decency to tell me so and bow out gracefully.
Post # 16
@busterbluth: several points:
1) love your name AND photo.
2) 2 hours away from ceremony on a friday? really? REALLY?
3) as a good faith gesture, i would explain sitch to bride, but really, can’t imagine she’s gonna have a prob with this