(Closed) Attended Bridal Shower But Wasn't Invited to Wedding?!

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

That is very tasteless. I am sorry this happened! I wish people would realize that getting married isn’t a fundraiser. It’s almost as tasteless that CASH gifts were requested. Wow.

Post # 4
Member
3283 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

This is a bit awkward. Is it possible that the bride didn’t know who all was going to be invited to the shower? Maybe there was some confusion over the invites between the bride and the person hosting the shower.

 

Or maybe they had sudden financial problems and had to cut the guest list?

 

I don’t know–if it’s a person you know and care about, who isn’t usually a greedy B, then my tendency would be to chalk it up to some kind of gaffe/error.

Post # 5
Member
3283 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Also, sorry this happened! I’m sure it hurt your feelings.

Post # 6
Member
6212 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

That was definitely done in poor taste, but the best thing you can do is move past it and not dwell on the issue. If the bride brings it up, you can express your disappointment in being invited to the shower but not to the wedding, but I think bringing it up yourself would only make the situation more awkward, unless this is so offensive to you that you don’t want to be friends with this woman anymore.

Post # 7
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry for you.  I agree that this was not done properly.  The bride would (or at least, should) have a good idea of who was coming to the bridal shower and who she intended to invite to the wedding.  I have been upfront with the ladies who were not being invited to the wedding before the shower.  I’ve done this to some of the ladies from work and they are all very understanding, I was feeling very arkward about it though and wondered if I should not invite them at all.  Maybe your friend was feeling arkward as well and though the email afterwards was an easy way to handle it.

 

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ugh, that’s awful! I kind of want to bookmark this thread and refer back to it when we get brides on here who are like, “Well my wedding is small, but I still want to celebrate with everyone, so I should invite them all to the shower!” And everyone tells them no, they shouldn’t, that it’s rude to invite people to come give you a gift and then not host them at the wedding, and they say that it’s not about the gift (as if – that’s the whole point of a shower!), and we say that’s not how their friends will see it, and they say we’re all wrong and their friends are just nicer than us and don’t care. Uh, yeah, or your friends are keeping their mouths shut because they don’t want to ruin your wedding happiness and there’s really no polite way to point out how freaking rude you’re being!

 

 

I hope that a PP who said that there was miscommunication between the bride and the host are right…but for some reason I kinda doubt it, seeing as how she decided to just send you all an e-mail thanking you with some one-liner thrown in about not being able to invite you all the the wedding. Hand written thank you cards and a big apology in person or over the phone to the people involved in the mix-up would have been more appropriate, but I don’t think she thinks it was a mix-up or a mistake. There’s not really anything you can do, but that sucks! I’m sorry!

 

Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

That is a huge etiquette no-no. Everything I have read says no one should be invited to a shower unless they will be invited to the wedding. The exception to this is a bridal shower thrown by co-workers. I wouldn’t invite anybody to my shower or bachelorette party that wasn’t invited to the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Vanielle:  TACKY! But before we run around blaming the bride… did she know about the shower in advance? Did she make the guestlist for this party? Maybe the host of the shower didn’t put enough thought & care into the guest list, or assumed that you & these other ladies would be invited. Maybe the bride was super embarrassed that you guys had been invited and shelled out cash when she didn’t plan on inviting you to the main event, hence the sending of that awkward attempt at politeness of an email. Is there any way you can investigate and find out.

Post # 12
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That is just awful.  I am sorry you were taken advantage of by these thoughtless and greedy women.  Forgive and move on, and decline when you are invited to the baby shower.  Smile

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