(Closed) Attended Bridal Shower But Wasn't Invited to Wedding?!

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 35
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@Overjoyed:  +1

Or they claimed that etiquette was regional and that where THEY live, it’s perfectly acceptable to be greedy and invite anyone to as many showers as they want without inviting them to the wedding.

Post # 39
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Vanielle:  Agreed! That was poorly done. The very least they could’ve done was when they invited, made it clear that they can’t have everyone come to the wedding so they wanted to have a little party for the people they can’t accomodate because they still wanted a celebration with you. Or more words or less I guess. But for them to ask for a cash donation and then telling you afterwards that you weren’t invited was not very nice at all. I would feel snubbed too!

Post # 41
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here…

First Question that needs to be clarified is what type of Shower was this…

One thrown at work by a group of colleagues ?

One thrown by a group of her outside interests (ie Gals on the Baseball Team – Volunteers at the Food Bank – Church Choir – fellow Brownie Leaders ?)

One thrown by a group of folks who have known her thru other means… Neighbours, High School Teachers in the small hometown she grew up in, etc

Any of those scenarios, then yes it is possible that one is not invited to the Wedding.  These types of showers are thrown just to say “good on you… we are sooooo happy for you… cheering you on, wishing you all the best on your Big Day”

And are “home spun” in their roots… and are popular regionally… or culturally.  Even in big cities they can be seen…

BUT if it was a case of a Shower that was made up a variety of Guests… Bridesmaids, Family Members, Relatives, College Buddies, Friends, Work Colleagues etc.

THEN the implied message is that ONE AND ALL the Guests are close to the Bride… and that they would therefore be invited to both the Shower and the Wedding

Which is Proper Wedding Etiquette

Now to be truly honest, a Shower is NOT the responsibility of the Bride… she is merely the Guest of Honour.  It is an Event organized and thrown by others for her.

So it is possible that whomever did that wasn’t up on proper Etiquette (although if she was half-on-the-ball she would have gotten together a Guest List from the Bride… who should have been versed on proper Etiquette, and found a way to tell the Host, that what she had planned was RUDE)

All that said, the email you got is pretty astounding.  Guessing that the Bride has either

(a) Done this to show she’s recalculated and determined that she cannot afford to invite everyone as planned.

In which case yes… This could very much be considered a TACKY RUDE move now on her part (she should have had things better in hand when she was at the Having a Shower part of her timeline… in that Showers happen in the last remaining weeks before the Wedding itself… 2 or 3 months out)


(b) She didn’t have a hand in the Shower Planning and was appalled by the actions of the Host, and is in some way trying to cover for that faux pas by putting out some sort of apology statement.  Although this one most definitely I feel misses the mark.

If that was the case, I think she owed you the very least a personal phone call to apologize for the situation, and the offer to return your VERY GENEROUS gift (not a MASS EMAIL to one and all).  Lol, clearly this gal needs some further Etiquette advices… maybe someone will buy her such a Book as a Wedding Present.

Hope this helps,


Post # 43
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Grrr, that just seems so rude to me. And the fact that, not only were you invited to bring a gift, you were also explicitly asked to pay a share for HER honeymoon. I wouldn’t dream of asking for gifts from someone who wasn’t invited. I even hesitated on announcements because I don’t want my extended family to think I’m grabbing at gifts.

I suppose I can understand wanting to celebrate with friends who you may not be able to accomodate, but if you must do that, it should be communicated clearly that you aren’t able to invite them. And they certainly should NOT be expected to bring a gift– is it a celebration or a shake-down of your social network?

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