(Closed) attending a lax wedding

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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akshali2000 :  yes of course it’s a thing. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t get adequate notice. Maybe she isn’t planning on inviting anyone from here? That could explain why she isn’t inviting anyone.

Post # 3
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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akshali2000 : 

Is informal wedding planning a thing?” — Sure, why wouldn’t it be, or why shouldn’t it be? Not everyone buys into the craziness that reality shows and the wedding industry try to make normal. 

Would you be hurt if you didn’t get a proper invitation and adequate notice, especially if the wedding was abroad?” — No, not at all. If a BBF sent everyone except me an invitation, I would be hurt. But if she’s not sending anyone invitations, what is there to be hurt about? And if you know she’s planning to get married in 6 months, that seems like adequate notice to me. I don’t see anything at all to be upset about. If you’re not able to make it to the wedding, yes, that would be disappointing, but it’s not because your friend is doing anything wrong. 

Post # 4
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Is informal wedding planning a thing? Sure. It’s so much a thing the Wedding Industrial Complex is making almost as much money off chill/laidback/nontraditional brides as on the big white wedding crew. 

Would I be hurt if…? No. Might not be able to go, but I wouldn’t be hurt. My besties weddings are not about me. And I’d be glad to not get caught up in a lot of the drama that seems to surround the bees on here with friends with traditional weddings and outsize expectations for best friend involvement.

If you have the funds, the time, and the will to go, do it. If not, send a sweet note with a gift (this is your best friend after all) and call it a day.

Post # 5
Member
2629 posts
Sugar bee

Everyone else has already said it. Of course informal wedding planning is a thing – not everyone cares very much about the wedding itself, but are more focused on being married. Weddings are expensive and a ton of work so it’s just not a priority for a lot of people.

I don’t quite get why not recieving an invitation would be hurtful if no one else did either. And I’m sure if she didn’t give adequate notice and is not that fussed about the wedding HERSELF then she’s not going to pitch a fit if you’re not able to make it. 

Post # 6
Member
9127 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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akshali2000 :  I wouldn’t assume she won’t do invitations because she is skipping STDs, a website, and engagment photos. We had a formal black-tie wedding and didn’t do formal save the dates or engagement photos either. We only had the website because we had a lot of out-of-towners and wanted to have a central spot for information without stuffing the invite with a bunch of little info cards. 

Post # 7
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If you know all these things about it and you know you’re invited and she’d love for you to be there, I don’t know why a formal invitation is necessary or why you’d be hurt to not receive one.

Post # 8
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee

I can see why you’d be irritated about having to fly halfway around the world on relatively short notice, but since when does not having Save the Dates or engagement photos make a wedding “lax” or “informal”? Why do those secondary trappings matter if she, her fiance, and their families are happy?

Post # 9
Member
5466 posts
Bee Keeper

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akshali2000 :  I wouldn’t be hurt I would however be annoyed at the lack of notice though. If you know the general month you can price out tickets to see if it’s even feasible. If not then dont worry because you can’t make yourself afford it. 

Post # 10
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s sadly funny to think that what you are finding “lax” is exactly how many of us planned our weddings back in the Stone Age  before we had magazines and salons and planners and venues and “etiquette” experts to tell us what to do and how to do it.

 

Post # 11
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

It’s a thing!!

I went into a nice restaurant, asked them to take care of it all, Vista print invites and done! We are having a 6 month engagement with zero frills.

You should at least TRY to go, but if you can’t you can’t 😉

Post # 12
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica

6 months is not an extremely short engagement period. My brother in law proposed to his now wife in late February and just got married last Friday. That was short! Haha. They both managed to whip together a wedding in that time. Yes this is absolutely a thing. 

Post # 13
Member
4842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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akshali2000 :  I didn’t do engagement shoots, STDs or a wedding website doesn’t mean I had an informal wedding or was lax on planning…. If you want to go then do, if you don’t then make your apologies. Everyone has a wedding to their level and desires. No need to over think or be offended by their breach in your standards…

Post # 14
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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akshali2000 :  If 6 months is extremely short, I don’t know what you would call mine – we got engaged March 12 and married July 9!  And I don’t consider our wedding “lax” whatever the hell that means LOL.  We had a formal ceremony at a cathedral with pipe organ and carillon music, followed by a lavish brunch at a 5-star hotel in downtown Chicago.

We didn’t do save the dates because 1)  there wasn’t time and 2)  I think they’re silly

We invited mainly local guests, but my family and some friends came from 3-4 hours away, and H had a friend fly in from NYC.

We didn’t do engagement photos because neither of us likes getting our picture taken, and we weren’t even engaged 4 months.  We had *sort of* an engagement party because my friend really wanted to throw one but it was very low-key and local.  

I didn’t have a bachelorette because I didn’t want one.  I had a shower but it was a total suprise hosted and attended by just my 3 college besties.

Wedding website?  Ha!  Not interested.  Colors?  Don’t care.  Theme?  “Wedding.”  I didn’t care to treat my bridesmaids as photo props, so I just told them to wear whatever dress they wanted.  No one was confused as to who they were.

We did send out paper invitations and response cards.  I think the 80 people who came to our wedding had a great time!

Just because a wedding doesn’t have the 80 jillion things you read about on this site doesn’t make it “lax.”  

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