Post # 1
So this is the first time I’ve dated a guy who plays sports. My bf plays football and asked if I’d go to his practice last week that it would “mean a lot to him”. I am NOT into sports what-so-ever, I’d rather watch paint dry lol. Anyway I went, and he was super happy I was there and thanked me a bunch of times.
Last night was their first game and he asked me if I would go. I really didn’t want to but I said yes anyway. In fact I left work earlier (something I NEVER do) to get there on time. Sat there in the freezing cold….not fun!
Anyway, I just kind of felt like I was just some pretty ornament sitting there. When he wasn’t playing he’d come over but he only talked to his friends, barely said a word to me. In fact his friend talked to me more than he did. And they’re all French so I can’t understand a word they’re saying so when he was over he was only speaking in French so I’m sitting there awkwardly.
After the game they all came over to grab their stuff where I was sitting, all speaking French, not a clue what anyone was saying. It was so awkward. He didn’t even talk to me until we were walking off the field.
Am I missing something? Is this how it normally goes? You’re just supposed to sit there the entire time like some decoration? Why do they even want us to go????
Someone please explain, cause clearly I’m not getting it. Doesn’t make me want to go to another, that’s for sure.
Post # 2
I don’t really understand why you feel like a decoration. Football is obviously important to him and he wants to share that with you. If you don’t enjoy watching, just tell him you’ll only be able to go to one or two games to support him. Not sure why you think he should be talking to you when he’s playing a game?
My ex played in a competitive men’s softball league and I went to most games to support him. I brought a book with me for downtime and he just liked having me there; didn’t care if I was super paying attention all the time. It was nice to see him do something he loved. I think you need to reframe your expectations.
Post # 3
No I get that. But when he’s on the side, one foot from me and not even saying a word to me that’s a little weird isn’t it? While his friends were on the side waiting to play again they talked to me. Just felt invisible. I literally don’t understand why it’s so important to him if I’m there or not.
Post # 4
pinkglitter2017 : But when he’s on the side, one foot from me and not even saying a word to me that’s a little weird isn’t it?
Was this during the game that he didn’t talk to you? Football sounds really important to him and if it was mid game he was probably just ‘in the zone’
Post # 5
Yes, during the game. Yeah maybe you’re right. Like I said I know nothing about sports and never dated anyone who played so this is new turf (ha).
Post # 6
Uuuuggh, I hate team sports. Of all varieties. My ex-H played softball every summer. And I never missed a game. Because, to me, it’s not about how much you enjoy it, it’s about supporting your partner in something they love. Same reason he attended all the lectures about paleontology and geology I loved so much, it’s just what you do for your partner.
I don’t think he wanted you there as decoration, I think your simple presence is important to him and makes him feel loved and supported.
Post # 7
I agree with PP, if it was during the game, then he is in the zone. Maybe his friends are just not so focused. To be honest, I would be bored as shit too and wouldn’t be making the habit of going, but once in a while would be ok if it meant that much to him, which it clearly did.
Post # 8
Ok great, thank you for the replies 🙂 I don’t play sports so there’s nothing he can come watch for me so I guess that’s another reason why I don’t totally get it. But yes, it was VERY boring and I had no clue what was going on lmao. Once in awhile, that’s probably doable. And a book is a good idea….. thanks guys 🙂 I feel better.
Post # 9
I go to a zillion hockey games a year for my SO and he never talks to me lol. They just want you to see them in action and be proud and whatever else. It’s about supporting them. And believe me when it’s -40 in a crappy hockey rink with no heat, I’d rather be anywhere else, but you do it for your SO because you love them and it makes them happy to be able to glance up at you, in the stands, cheering them on.
Post # 10
I think your expectations were off. Even if he’s on the side-line the game is still happening and he should be focused on his team, not you.
I grew up going to my brother’s baseball games. I’m not a baseball fan at all. But you go to show your support and that you are care about something that’s important to them. It’s not about social time together. I’d usually take a book and eventually got pretty close to the other people who showed up to all the games (even invited them to my wedding!) and looked forward to getting to see them.
Post # 11
I doubt you are just there as a decoration, he just wants you to be with him while he does something he loves.
Why don’t you ask if you could only attend games instead of games and practice if you hate it that much? At least it wouldn’t be so often.
Post # 12
I’ve always played sports until I tore up my knee, and my DH plays football. I go to every. single. game., even though I personally have never played football on a team. I find that the more I learn about it, the more enjoyable those things are to me. I happen to love football, but there’s other things he is into that I’m not super excited about (UFC fights, for one)— but I know my DH appreciates it so much when I go to his games or we have “fight night” at our house and the guys come over.
Conversely, I ride horses and DH comes and watches me, helps me in the barn, indulges my need to go to horse shows, etc
It is all about compromise and supporting each other even when it’s not your “thing”.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2017 - Vineyard on Long Island
you could also try learning about his sport and being able to participate in discussion. if he’s in the zone about football and you comment on a play or somethign in english, it could steer the conversation into an english-speaking discussion about his play.
Post # 14
My husband comes to about one soccer game per season for me, and I do appreciate it. Even though he’s on his phone for 100% of it – as long as he looks up sometimes! Haha. But I would never ask him to attend a practice – those are boring as hell. I’d definitely draw a line there, if I were you!
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
Please do not take this the wrong way, but I’m a little confused as to why someone would need to go to every single game. Maybe it’s just because I’m in a long distance relationship so that automatically creates a more autonomous relationship, but idk to me, logically, going to every single game is a waste of evereyone’s time, no? To me, going to one or two a season is a nice way to support someone and a pleasant surprise. But my boyfriend would never go to every single evening public meeting I speak at, nor would I go to every Saturday lecture on robotics that he’s interested in. One of us could use that time to catch up on errands, do our own personal thing, or cook dinner.
But again, that’s just me.