Attending friend’s wedding versus family event

posted 2 months ago in Wedding Related
Post # 121
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

I’m not understanding all of these posters saying well maybe OP’s brother will say out loud to the OP that he doesn’t care if she comes to his graduation but deep down he really does. Isn’t that on him for not being able to be a grown man and speak his true feelings to his own sister that he is supposedly close to? I mean you can’t fault the OP for taking people at their words? Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Post # 122
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

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@littlebuzz:  I’m really sorry this thread got derailed.  This time, it wasn’t my fault.  I mentioned COVID because it was central to my response to the OP’s question, but it turned into a wide-ranging debate that went off the tracks.

Post # 123
Member
13926 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@quickhound1:  I’m not sure that that’s a fair question, though. In the brother’s place I would never impose upon or pressure OP and I wouldn’t resent her attending a friend’s wedding either, though OP admits they really aren’t as close anymore. Regardless, the motivation to prioritize the graduation would have to come from within. But at the same time I couldn’t help but be especially moved if she made the choice to be there.

If you have to ask… 

 

Post # 124
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

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@weddingmaven:  See that’s where we differ. To me family especially close immediate family are people you are supposed to be able to be the most honest with.

These siblings are clearly very close so in my mind if his own sister the OP flat out asks hey would you mind me attending my friend’s wedding instead of your graduation that’s up to him to be open and honest with his sister and say you know what actually I would be hurt if you chose a friend’s wedding over my graduation as I worked really hard on this accomplishment and I pictured my close family to be there celebrating with me.

Otherwise it becomes a game to me of let me hope my sister can read my mind but if she doesn’t do what I want her to do then I secretly become angry about her doing the very thing I told her was ok to do. Just be honest it’s really not that hard.

Post # 125
Member
4517 posts
Honey bee

My goodness this went off the tracks…

People on this thread keep talking about how boring graduations are as a reason to go to the wedding instead, but it’s not about your amusement. It’s about recognizing the hard work and dedication that went into someone’s education (during a pandemic no less!) I understand that some bees didn’t go to their own graduations (I was one of them,) but that’s not the case here because he IS going, so it must matter to him. Sure, a wedding would be more fun for OP, but what does that have to do with it? 

Post # 126
Member
13926 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@quickhound1:  Again, it may not be a question of the brother being angry or hurt at all. He wouldn’t necessarily be lying to say he’s fine with her going to the wedding. He might even only fully appreciate it himself when the time comes or looking back.

It’s a decision the OP IMO needs to make based on her own sentiments and values. In another five or ten years if things go in the same direction, the roommate and OP may not even be in touch any more or only rarely. Compare that to a close brother and for me it would be a no brainer. I totally agree with 

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@fanshell: and PPs who say this has nothing to do with what is more “fun” for OP.

My point is that for me it would be about wanting to be there for the brother, to help make the memories as a family, not having to be told or asked to be. 

Post # 127
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

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@weddingmaven:  I guess I don’t necessarily subscribe to the idea that the bond of close friendships can’t be as strong as familial bonds. I mean yes of course part of life is people stop being friends but just like you don’t treat a marriage like divorce is inevitable you don’t treat your friends like oh one day we could stop being friends. Trust me I have seen many family members stop speaking to each other as well.

 

Post # 128
Member
13926 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@quickhound1:  I said in my first post that this could be a tougher call if this was a truly close or intimate friend. OP said that they were at one time but they are not as close now. I agree with the PP who said that the bride in question will barely notice her absence. Her brother, not so much. 

Post # 129
Member
6645 posts
Bee Keeper

Any update? What did you end up going to? 

Post # 131
Member
6645 posts
Bee Keeper

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@bride2022:  Ah ok got it. I’m glad you were able to decide.  It sounded like a hard decision.  I hope you enjoy the family time! And congrats to your brother! 

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