(Closed) Attention Tough Girls/Strong Women

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

You just have to take the leap. Book the appointment and just go. Unfortunatly it isn’t easy but just take a deep breathe and say “GO!” lol πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

I would agree with the previous poster that sometimes you just have to book the appointment and go for it!  You can do it!  That being said, when buying a home from a (future) family member, I would make sure that you follow all of the usual procedures for buying a home.  Buying a home is complicated no matter what and it helps to follow the normal requirements.  As for a permanent thing like a tattoo, I can understand your hesitation and urge you to follow your heart for that decision.

Post # 5
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I had the same issue with an IUD. I just made the appointment when I had a split second of courage and made myself not cancel it.

Stuff like getting your car fixed, maybe just get yourself in an energetic mood so that when you go you’ve got energy up and it’s easier to assert yourself. I find music really helps me change my moods!

Post # 6
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I tend to flip flop on whether or not I’m strong, but I have a ton of female friends who are some of teh strongest people (male or female) that I’ve ever met. Doing even little things on my own helps boost me, as well as learning new things. I can change the oil on any car on my own (learned before I was 10 – thanks, dad!). I will say maybe I’m more independent than strong, which leads to its own set of issues.

I do agree with PP that sometimes you just gotta jump in – head first. So if that means just booking that appt, then do so.

[1] Change can be scary! Plus buying a house is a huge financial investment. When I bought my old house, it was invigorating plus terrifying. Really terrifying. Even the down payment was more money than I’d ever spent. Plus I was tying myself to it… for life. But I also thought of how much I was spending on rent, and had nothing to show for it. I will say don’t buy the house unless you are ready. Also, my mom and I were co-executors of my grandmother’s estate (noteworthy: my mom has two siblings), and inherited her local house. It needed a LOT of work. LOT. My mom opted to keep it instead of trying to sell it (she now rents it). She and her husband (a retired union carpenter) re-did that house. Instead of just fixing the problems, they really put their heart and souls into that house and re-did it all. Even though he’s retired it took a LOT of time and was not easy at all. For them, it made them closer and teh house means more to them b/c they did so much of the work themselves (I helped w/ portions and damn, that stuff is HARD). Make sure that you have the time and money to put into fixing the house. You may need to do portions at a time – if so, are you okay with that?

[2] I have a Mirena, and I had my first cavity a little over 2 years ago. However, I also have some health issues and honestly, I haev a really good pain threshold. I can deal with a fair amount of pain. I will say that a lot of my friends have IUDs and their level of pain with insertion varied wildly. I had no clue what amount of pain to expect. Take plenty of ibprofun ahead of time, and see if your doctor will not only be okay with prescribing medication to help dialate your cervix (can make insertion easier and potentially less painful – again, this can vary!) as well as numbing your cervix. I had neither and regret not asking. On the plus side, the pain is QUICK. The sounding (measuring of your uterus) was the worst part and… well, not the worst pain ever (that’d be kidney stones), but damn. It wasn’t bad enough that I would never get an IUD again. I would. It was quick (but sharp). My doctor was also very quick. In between sounding and insertion I needed a break (about a minute). I really pondered getting up and leaving (mostly b/c I was afraid insertion would be worst and take more time). But I did it. For me, I made my appt for only a few days after I called. I was afraid if I waited longer I wouldn’t go or I’d switch it. I did take the rest of the day off and had some major love for my heating pad. But, it was much better as the week went on.

 

[3] there’s nothng wrong with waiting! I say if you have any reservations, wait! See how the pain w/ the IUD goes, then think about it. My partner has three tattoos (you really wouldn’t guess from looking at him) and he said it’s all about WHERE they are and how good your artist is. 

Anyway, find things that empower you and make you feel more badass. That can vary from person to person. For me, recently flying into another state and driving my rental car from NYC to Jersey made me feel like a badass. That may be dumb to some people, but it made major sense to me and made me feel amazing and strong.

Post # 7
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

1….. is this the house YOU want? or is it just easy because it is your MILs??? I would suggest buying a house you both WANT… that way it is just exciting.. 

2. i did the same thing about the IUD. I even called to make and appointment. the day that i made the appointment we heard a story that my fiance asked me to cancel it…. so nuvaring it is!

3. make an appointment for your tattoo for the week after your wedding! just do it, if you want it, and make sure its in a place you wont have to worry or regret for work and issues that can prevent future decisions. 

 

Post # 8
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Stace126: I might not be a lot of help but here are my suggestions πŸ˜€

#1: Buying a house is super scary! We are n the process of buying our second home (second mortgage..renting out one) and it is super scary. The only thing that eases me is that Darling Husband is so cool and in control. He is smart and knows what we can afford, do, what is realistic, etc. Think of this…What is the worst thing that could happen? Darling Husband and I bought our first home and moved 300 miles away that same year! Yup, we didnt even live there a year. But, so far that has worked in our favor. We make money on the renters (a little) are able to pay our mortgage and have been so successful in our move that we know have enough money to put a large downpayment on a new home in our new location! So, look at the worst case scenerio and realistic it is. What are you scared of?

#2: I would actually NOT doing something like this. However, if you have all the knowledge needed to make this type of decision and the benefits outway the risks than you shoudl just “woman up” and do it. Just schedule the apt and go. Take a meditation or gentle yoga class before you go and a few days leading up to it. Meditation is amazing!

#3: I think this fear is rational. I honestly dont think you should do it. Why do you want a tattoo? I made a few awful tattoo mistakes and am now going through tremendous pain and spending a lot of $$$ to get them removed. I highly discourage tattoo’s unless you are 100% sure and than I would wait another year and see if yo uare still 100% sure. 

 

Good luck to you!! πŸ˜€

Post # 9
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I can’t really help out much with the first two things you mentioned but I have 2 tattoos and I was terified to get BOTH of them. I have never liked needles but my Darling Husband managed to get us both a tattoo from a friend and we watched him tattoo his wife before actually getting one done so we could see his work. I just jumped in and got one and my Darling Husband followed. To be compleatly honest, it tickled. The first few seconds hurt but once it numbed from the vibration it just tickled me. THe guy had to keep telling me to stop laughing so he wouldn’t mess up. The second one I was a little scared for too but I told myself there was nothing to worry about and got it.

Here is a pic of my first one

Here is my DH’s

The only thing you have to think about is where you get it. Mine is on my shoulder/back and his is on his spine. Mine tickled and he cried. I would suggest not getting one on a bone because it hurts more where as on muscle it numbs pretty fast.

ETA: Here is a pic of mine to show how big it really is

Post # 10
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It sounds like you suffer from panic attacks, so I think that’s something you need to deal with more than these individual problems. Buying a house, getting a medical procedure, getting a tattoo; these are all normal things to be nervous about. But hyperventilation, panic and trying to physically ‘run’ from these things is not typical.

You may want to seek treatment for anxiety, but in the meantime here’s some advice from a fellow panic junkie: try to work on your breathing. When you start to feel the panic rise, you probably feel some tightness in your chest and your breath begins to get shorter. This is the beginning of your panic spiral that ends up with you crying and trying to escape from the ‘threat’ through sleep/locking out the world in your room. So when you feel that just beginning, drop your line of thought and just focus on your breath. Keep your mind blank and inhale and exhale deeply and slowly until your breath returns to normal naturally. (Yoga is great for learning how to stop thinking and just breathe if you need help with the ‘mind blank’ part.) 

Sometimes it helps me to think, once my breath is returning to normal, “what was it that frightened me so badly?” Think this without judgment of yourself and without ‘reopening’ the subject and beginning the panic spiral again. Try to isolate something like ‘the idea that I have no choices for my birth control except this IUD’ or whatever the source of your fear is. Once you acknowledge that you can develop some self soothing techniques revolving around that fear – maybe saying to yourself ‘we’re doing just fine with our current birth control, and i don’t need to swtich right now’ or whatever applies to your situation. After a while I have found this becomes a bit more instinctive and the subject begins to lose its power over you. That doesn’t mean you never worry about it, but it becomes less of a pressing/all-consuming horror and panic that drives you to a panic attack, allowing you to think over your options and even take some action without bringing on an attack. 

Post # 11
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s perfectly natural to fear the unknown, I actually don’t blame you a bit! 

I can’t help you with the buying of the house bit, Danny and I live in an apt ourselves, so I don’t have any experience in that aspect…

As for the BC, if it’s non-hormonal I’m assuming you’re talking about Paragard? I’m unable to take hormonal birth control due to a serious migraine disorder I have and Paragard was what was suggested to me. I made the appt, and I did actually go and have my uterus measured (at the point I was measured I was unsure whether my insurance would cover the IUD and if I was forced to pay for it they didn’t want to order one in not knowing if it’d even fit me) it was nasty, but not too bad. Like a big huge cramp. It hurt for a few minutes afterwards, again, like menstrual cramps, but it wasn’t anything too serious. However, after doing my OWN research and hearing what other people had to say about it I decided it wasn’t for me. I have nasty NASTY periods and Paragard tends to worsen these. I couldn’t imagine my periods being any worse, so I opted out of it. But really, these ladies are right, if you’re certain you want it, just make an appt and stick to it! Maybe bring your Fiance for support (at least he can support you in the waiting room! Lol!) also, if you can, get it placed when you have your period. This is when many gynos normally place these because your cervix is widened and the pain is less severe. 

With the tattoo thing…I can tell you, 8 years ago (holy s***, really?!) when I got my first tattoo I was SCARED OUT OF MY MIND. But, as you can probably tell from my profile pic, it ended up not being a big deal. It hurts, but it’s not the end of the world. Have you ever had sunburn and then scratched it? It’s kind of like that. I do want to say, however, that if you’re someone who doesn’t want to commit to the “lifestyle” of being a “tattooed lady” and your job has certain restrictions on them or you’re planning on pursuing a job that does, etc, PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR PLACEMENT WISELY. And also…BE SURE YOU’RE GETTING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO GET. If you’re flip flopping and you’re not sure what you want, don’t get anything at all. Don’t get one just to get one, get one that you really want. At this point it doesn’t seem like you’re exactly sure of what you want yet, so I would wait…and it’s ok if you NEVER get one, they’re not for everybody. ^_^ 

I hope that helped at least a little. <3 

Post # 12
Member
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I can’t speak to the home-buying or birth control questions, but I know about being afraid of getting a tattoo even if you want one. I wanted a tattoo for yearrrrsss and I told myself I was gonna do it like 293 times since the day I turned 18. I finally got one when I was 20, and ended up going back three months later to get another one! And I was just researching ideas for my next tattoo! What worked for me to finally have the courage to do it? I went with my best friend. She was getting her second, and she asked me to go with her, so I did, and she made me an appointment right along with hers. I think going with a friend makes it soooo much easier. I was way more at ease with her there. I also started small. Don’t go gigantic for your first tattoo. I don’t think that’s ever a good idea. My first tattoo is a ~1 square inch star on my hand that took about five minutes to complete. I was SO SCARED watching the artist prep and get the inks ready, clean up, wipe my skin down, but seriously that part was worse than the actual tattoo. The anticipation was agony, but the pain of the actual tattoo wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. The first thing I said when he started was “Oh, that’s not so bad.” Yes, it hurts, it’s a needle piercing your skin over and over…there’s no way that’s not going to hurt, but it doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think. At least that was my experience. And going back a few months later for my second tattoo was a breeze compared to the severe anxiety I felt over getting the first one. And the second one was right on my shin bone!

So yeah, sorry for the mega long response, but I know just how you feel. I hope that was somehow helpful! πŸ™‚

Here’s my first tattoo:

Here’s my second:

 Edit: Oh yes, about being scared of getting an infection: visit different shops! They should look spotless and smell clean as soon as you walk in the door. And ask questions of the artists before you commit to anything. If you go to a good shop, they’ll be more than happy to answer your questions and ease your fears. If you have even a smidge of a doubt, don’t get a tattoo there. I’m NOT someone who looks like they’d fit in at a tattoo shop, but the place I’ve gone for both of my tattoos (and plan on returning to) is amazing. I’ve never felt like I’m not in the tattooed cool kids club or whatever. Everyone there is super duper nice and treats you like a friend, not just a client. If you go to a tattoo shop and you feel like there’s some kind of exclusive club that you’re not a part of, leave. I was soooo scared that it would be like that, but it doesn’t have to be. Also, when the tattoo process starts, the artist will (or should) explain to you all the steps they are taking to sterlize and clean EVERYTHING that will touch you. They should show you that the needles are sterile, single-use, that they’re using single-use wells for the inks, etc. That definitely makes you feel better. Shop around! πŸ™‚ You’ll be glad you did.

Post # 13
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Stace126: I completely understand where you’re coming from! lol.

1.] Have faith that you and your Fiance can do it. Pray to God that he will send you the answer. If it happens then it happens and it was God’s will. (sorry if this is a lil churchy for ya. lol. not tryin to offend, just my opinon.)

2.] I could never do the IUD thing.. nope. not happening. I was on Yaz and I loved it. But if the pill thing isn’t for you try the patch or shot even. Can’t be that bad. (: I have horrible teeth, due to genes. I know what it’s like to have a cavity, multiple cavities and I couldn’t bear the thought of getting the IUD. Just saying. lol.

3.] I also want a tattoo, but scared of needles so I can’t really help you there. But I know that your risk of getting an ifection is low if you go to a clean place. Most places generally sterlize everything once they’re done and right before they start… at least the places i’ve been to.

Hope this helps! By The Way, just ‘going for it’ isn’t always the answer. Sometimes you need a higher power’s thoughts. ;]]

Post # 14
Member
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@imageeksowhat: Just looking at your avatar, I’d LOVE to see larger pictures of your tattoos!

Post # 15
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Ok op…. Take a deep breath. Now another other.   Tell your so your fears and issues…. Then when you start to have doubts have himfocus on the positives of what ever it is. sit down and make a list of all  the things that scare you. All if them even if you think they are silly. Then write down why you want thisstring.  Start makingsmall all chnges. Like I m terrified of spiders… But when I see one I mke my self look at it for 10 – so seconds before I frek out… It helps ll

 

 

 

Sorydig there is Ny misspellings or odd words… I am commenting from my iphone

Post # 16
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My point of view would be to look at both sides of the fence what are the pro’s and con’s for jumping the gun and doing something or not doing it. For me I tend to think what I will gain from my decision. I guess I am what you would consider tough. I have a backbone and I have no qualms about going after anything I want, as long as it makes sense to do so. The most important thing is to think logically and not to do something just because you can. For example I have thought about getting a tattoo before but I see no benefit in it for me so I decided not to get one. On the other hand I decided to go skydiving and it was one of the most amazing moments of my life. It’s not fear that holds me back from things it depends on if it is a logical decision depending what I will gain from it.

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