Post # 1
I’m not sure what I want to get out of this post… maybe just to get it off my chest, because I can’t talk about it with anyone else.
Bottom line, like the title says, I think I’m attracted, and slightly crushing, on someone other than my DH. He also happens to be DH’s cousin (we’ll call him C), whom we spend a lot of time with and DH is quite close with (like brothers). C is also married and just brought their first baby home.
I think there’s always been an attraction, but its been a bit more prominent very lately. You know that little feeling you’d get when someone you’re crushing on is close to you, maybe accidently brushes up against you… yeah, I get that with C. It happened as lately as last night.
This REALLY sucks and I hate it. C and I are developing a closer friendship since they’ve moved closer to DH and I. We’ve chatted and hung out alone together a few times and I’m grateful to have this friendship with him since him and DH are so close.
The funny thing is, my marriage is great. We did go through a rocky stage, but DH and I are VERY happy, now. I would NEVER think of cheating on DH, starting an affair, leaving him, etc. BUT, our sex life has dwindled because of DH’s work. He gets home late and I leave early, and when we might have time to get it on in between, there’s usually somebody else around. I may be a little bit frustrated. Maybe that’s why the crush? I don’t know…
Post # 3
Be careful… I would talk to DH about the sexual issue and try to resolve that with him, and try to avoid spending time “alone” with the cousin.
Post # 4
I would definitely proceed with caution and not hang out with this cousin alone. Also, you need to discuss any issues you may have with your DH because until these are resolved you may continue to crush on this other guy,
Post # 6
Be cautious. It’s obvious the two of you have chemistry and most likely he’s noticed it as well. Leave it at that. It’s not unusual to be attracted to someone else, but keep it to yourself and keep your distance (physically) from him.
Post # 7
I think it’s normal to find other people attractive as long as you don’t act on it. But you should talk to your DH about the sexual issues between you two.
Post # 8
You guys need to make time for sex! I know when it has been a while since I “got some” I start noticing other guys too. Sex is a very important part of a relationship, and it shouldn’t get overlooked.
And like PPs said, I wouldn’t spend any more time alone with the cousin.
Post # 9
Nothing good can come of you two spending any time alone. I know its easy to get a crush on someone or think you are attracted to them. it happens but it should stop there.
Post # 10
While I think finding someone else attractive is completely normal, you’re making it easier for yourself to cheat. Remove yourself as much as possible from tempation. That means, as PP have mentioned, stop hanging out with C alone. Work on the issues still present in your marriage without introducing new problems to the situation.
Post # 11
I know the “alone time” would come up. Unfortunately, that time usually occurs with C coming into the house looking for DH, or to come say hi while DH is outside. The only time we’ve spent any time “alone together” for an amount of time was while C was helping out DH and DH wasn’t far away. …and we talked about our marriages and he was giving me advice on some of DH.
Post # 12
You need to schedule some romantic, special time for you and your DH. The two of you need some private alone time – can you take a weekend trip to a romantic location? Sex and intimacy are extremely important parts of a marriage.
Don’t put yourself into close proximity with the cousin. Don’t discuss your marriage with him and don’t discuss his marriage. There is no need for you to have him as your close friend in light of the fact you have a crush on him. Don’t be alone with him again.
That’s playing with fire. Put it out.
Post # 13
You’re going to be attracted to other people throughout your life, thats normal. Acting on it is a choice and only you can make that choice. Nothing anyone here says can influence you. You know what is right and wrong, what you do with this is up to you and you alone because you have to live with the consequences. If you’re worried about acting on this crush, take appropriate action and take some time out or dont be alone with C.
Post # 15
+1 — I totally agree with you. I couldn’t have said it better my self.
OP: Just hang in there and try to talk to your hubby your situation. This can get really toxic and it’s dangerous. I know you mentioned you would never cheat, hate the way you are feeling this way etc. Don’t put yourself in a compromising position with this guy. I hope you and your DH will talk this out. Hugs!
Post # 16
Nope don’t spend time alone with him. Not a good situation.
I would tell myself the same thing if I became friends with Leo DiCaprio