- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I’m a frequent visitor to the boards and have gotten so many wonderful ideas from all of you, but this is my first post. Of course, I never thought I would be writing something like this, but I really need an outsiders point of view.
My fiance is a great guy on paper – he is Catholic (I am baptist, but this really doesn’t bother us), he has a good job, is very close with his family, works hard, very clean, and does lots of community service.
On the not so great side – he does seem to have depression issues, he never wants to talk about anything especially when there is a problem and everytime we finally do talk about a problem, he always says very not nice things to me. He has said things along the lines of no normal person would ever marry me, that I’m a total bitch (which I can be, but I honestly am never like that towards him), that I have my opinions, but no one else in the world agrees with them, that I’m useless, that apparently my parents didn’t raise me well, etc. Keep in my mind these times are very infrequent, but it still resonates with me.
When we are having one of those arguments, I can say things too that I don’t necessarily mean but not usually to the extent that he does.
Here is a little background: We met at college, became good friends, then started dating. Dated for a year and a half, then got engaged, and have been engaged for over a year and a half and getting married in two months. It seemed like once we got engaged, he changed a lot. Never had fun anymore, always cleaning or doing something around the house when there is absolutely nothing to be done. He gets mad b/c I’m not always cleaning.
We got pregnant about 2 months after we got engaged and have a beautiful baby boy now – he was ready for kids; I wasn’t sure, but now I wouldn’t trade our son for the world. We pretty much never fight about the baby and he is so well behaved so I don’t think that is the issue. We also have date night every week and our family watches our son so I don’t think that is an issue either.
Now, I’m in a position where he is pretty much constantly saying negative things about me and how if we split up, he would get the baby b/c he had things about me that were negatives, etc. Why would he even bring this up before we are married?
A little background on me since he seems to be bashing me – I’m 24 and a CPA at local public accounting firm, I’m involved in many organizations throughout the community, come from a wonderful family of teachers and a small town, and I’m always trying to help people out. I always try to talk through things and try to stay calm and always listen.
Basically, I’ve gotten to a point where when I think of marrying him, I don’t get excited anymore – I get scared. I just feel like I”m going to have a miserable life b/c he never happy with anything I do and constantly making me feel like a failure. At the same time, I love my son and don’t want him to miss out on having the normal family life or miss out on time with his Dad. Even if we have joint custody I will miss out on some major holidays with my child. I just never saw myself in this poosition. So do I put my happiness on the backburner?
I guess I should also mention that we have already recieved half of our RSVP’s and people have already booked hotels. I don’t know how we would explain or how I would ever get over the embarrasment especially since all my co-workers are coming. I’m just very confused and looking for some advice.
If you made it to the end of this, I certainly appreciate it and I sure it at least sort of made sense.