(Closed) Aunt and Uncle Won't Come to My Wedding Because My Cousin is Gay

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46609 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@misslala:  I think their boycotting your wedding is ridiculous. Besides  needing to step into the 21st century as far as gay relationships and marriage are concerned,  missing your wedding is not going to make their daughter straight.

Given that you’ve known of their decision for a few months, I think it’s a bit late to express your disappointment to them.

I might be tempted to tell them that you have donated the value of their meals to PFLAG (Parents , Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).

Post # 4
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I think they sound like awful narrow minded people honestly. That is their DAUGHTER their flesh and blood, they should love her for who she is and not wish for her to be something else.

I understand you are upset they aren’t going to your wedding but that’s their fault. Imagine if you were your cousin and these were your parents, totally unsupportive and wishing you were someone else. It could be a lot worse for you if you were her. I feel very sorry for your cousin, I hope she has wonderful friends and other family that is supportive because her parents are obvioulsy narrowminded and just selfish all around for not supporting her or you.

Post # 5
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@misslala:  Umm, that is completely ridiculous! I doubt there is anything you can really do about it, if they don’t want to be there, then you can’t make them. I really think this is unfair to you and your Fiance. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! You definitely don’t deserve it. 

Post # 6
Member
2934 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@misslala:  I think the way they are handling this is HORRIBLE, but I think you should focus your attention on how much worse this situation is for your cousin, who has done nothing wrong and whose parents are “disappointed” in her because of her sexual orientation. Try to set aside your sadness that your aunt and uncle won’t be attending your wedding (even though you are certainly not being unreasonable to feel sad about it.) I feel terrible for your cousin. What a shame that her parents are so narrow minded and judgemental.

Post # 7
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

sorry that is really unfortunate but enjoy your special day even if they wont come

Post # 9
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

How horrible for your cousin! And unfortunate for you. I certainly hope you are inviting your cousin to the wedding!

My nephew is gay and his own Mother said she will not attend his wedding. I told him I would gladly attend even though it will be a considerable distance. Life is short and whatever makes one happy should be celebrated.

Post # 10
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

You know, I’d cut them some slack.  They are dealing with something they obviously weren’t expecting and are probably “Mourning” the loss of the vision they always had for their daughter’s life.  I’m betting that is kinda common in parents of LGBT people. They need time to process this and time to let it sink in that their daughter is the same wonderful person she always has been.  Hopefully they will welcome their daughter’s wife into the family one day.  If they don’t I can imagine they will lose their daughter.

This isn’t about your wedding at all, it is just bad timing and your wedding is the sacrifice in all of this.  Do I think it is right?  Not really.  Do any of us TRULY understand their journey right now?  I’m doubting that.

Be supportive of your cousin and do not let your relationship with your aunt and uncle suffer.  If they have always been there for you (Like flying in for your graduation) I think it is time for YOU to be there for THEM.  They are in uncharted territory and don’t know how to deal with it.  They need some love here too.  Your wedding is one day and they have been supportive of you their whole life.  Time to return the favor.

Post # 11
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@misslala:  I’m not sure I’d be too worried about being rude to these bigots. It sounds like most of the rudeness here is going the other way. OTOH I’m not sure I’d want people like this at my wedding in the first place, so maybe in the long run they did you a favour by showing their true colours.

Post # 12
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@misslala:  that’s pretty awful and ridiculous that they aren’t coming to your wedding. How’s your poor cousin doing?  She must be devastated that her parents can’t accept her for who she is. 

Post # 13
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Honestly, just cut your losses. Your aunt and uncle are going to behave however they want to behave without any permission from anybody in a more sensible head space. It’s unfortunate that your wedding cake budget will have to go up, but they’re making it clear they have intention to screw around and have unreasonable behaviour. You’re better off knowing now how it’s going to be, and you get to avoid having to rely on them for something on an important day for your and your Fiance.

 

Maybe think of a role in the wedding for your cousin to participate to help show your support. 

Post # 14
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

That is so awful. How can people be so ignorant and narrow minded?!!!

Post # 15
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Your wedding has nothing to do with your cousin’s sexual orientation.  Shame on them for making your day about someone else.

Post # 16
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@misslala:  May I ask WHY they are disappointed that their daughter is gay? Do they have some sort of (mistaken) belief that it is a disorder which they might have caused themselves, through bad parenting? Are they mourning the loss of future grandchildren (notwithstanding that your cousin might have children in a variety of ways)?

If you understand WHY they are upset then maybe you can help smooth the rift between parents and daughter, which is probably the biggest problem here.

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