(Closed) Aunt and Uncle Won't Come to My Wedding Because My Cousin is Gay

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
9089 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If it were me, I wouldn’t want bigots at my wedding.

Post # 18
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn

@misslala:  I think that your aunt and uncle are going through the type of grieving that sometimes happen when a child comes out. The parents grieve the “loss” of the dreams they once had for their child, often failing to realize that many of those dreams (marrying, having children, growing old with a partner) are still possible, just not in the way they once envisioned. A few years down the road, I think that they will really regret the decision they have made regarding your wedding. Unfortunately, I don’t think that they can see that now.

If they bring it up again, I would mention that you really wish they could be there for you and that they are still welcome to come. I might also think about talking to your cousin about their behavior. Clearly a conversation needs to be had between her and her parents, and maybe if she knows about what they’re doing she will try to speed up this talk.

Post # 19
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hermom:  yes, yes, this!

OP, it’s completely possible that they just need a little time to adjust and get used to this news. Not everyone processes everything at the same rate, especaially when challenging beliefs they may have held for 50 years.  I’d give them some support, if they don’t come around, then you can cut your losses later. 

They may also be trying to prepare for the worst. Perhaps they see all the happy people at your wedding and realize not everyone will be happy for their own daughter? That would be sad, and difficult to come to terms with, but here’s hoping they do.

Post # 20
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am sorry, but your aunt and uncle are being absolutely absurd. That is their own daughter, her own life, her own decision, her lifestyle-which has nothing to do with your wedding. So choosing not to come to YOUR wedding because their daughter is going to be there is mind boggling to me. If it were me, I would absolutely cut all ties with them, and not only because I would be pissed and disappointed in them not supporting their own daughter, but mainly because they choose to sort their personal problems during my wedding. Your wedding is about you, not them and their daughter. 

Post # 21
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I am SO sorry to hear your relatives are narrow-minded. Like others have clearly stated, it’s the 21st century. If their daughter has found happiness in another woman, they should be nothing but happy for her. But all we can do is pray for them and that they will one day see the error of their ways. As for you and your wedding, I am sorry to say but they don’t deserve to be there anyway. You should indeed tell them you are hurt they will miss your special day, but continue on with your plans as normal. Maybe the will come around.

Post # 22
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If I knew how they felt and their reactions to their own daughter, I wouldn’t want them there – plain and simple.

Post # 23
23 posts
  • Wedding: February 2014

Sounds pretty selfish to me. I’m sorry that must be frustrating. 

Post # 24
8482 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

@misslala:  I wouldnt want them to come to my wedding anyways.

Post # 25
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@allyfally:  I agree. If they aren’t willing to support their daughter, I wouldn’t want their support myself. They made promises to you (cake, attendance etc.) Now they are aboandoning those promises. REgardless to why they are refusing to come to your wedding (and I think the reason is horrible and awful and sad!), they are letting you down and I would be pissed.

Post # 27
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Sounds like you’re better off without them.

Post # 28
1877 posts
Buzzing bee

@misslala:  My heart goes out to you.  This sounds hurtful and awkward.  You seem wise though and will do the right thing if you trust your heart and instincts.  Good luck!

Post # 29
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@misslala:  I think YOU should be disappointed in THEM. Firstly, she’s their daughter and they will love her, even if they say they won’t. They need to accept her exactly as she is (my opinion is that we should all support our loved ones, no matter what their orientation, not all others agree, that’s cool). 

Secondly, boycotting your wedding is childish behaviour that is akin to a toddler having a tantrum to get their own way. They could easily come to your wedding without having to speak to their daughter (even though I think that’s ridculous). 

Maybe explain to them how important they are to you, and asthis they would please reconsider. 

Post # 31
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Ennie:  You said it perfectly. 

The topic ‘Aunt and Uncle Won't Come to My Wedding Because My Cousin is Gay’ is closed to new replies.

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