(Closed) Aunt and Uncle Won't Come to My Wedding Because My Cousin is Gay

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@julies1949:  Well said. 

I wouldn’t want them there, after that. I’d even *tell* them how disappointed I am in them, and I’m incredibly anti-confrontational. I’m sorry for your cousin that she has to have bigoted parents. All you can do is be there for your cousin and the love of her life and cut out the people who deserve to be cut out. 

Post # 33
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@julies1949:  I think the donation is an amazing idea!

I really don’t know what to say to help, but maybe ask your cousin how she feels? Would want feel comfortable having them at your wedding? If not, then don’t push the matter. I do think it needs to be discussed though and I think it’s a disappointing situation. I hope it doesn’t make your day any less happy. 

Post # 34
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m so sorry that they’ve turned what should be the biggest day of your life and made it about bigotry, hurt, and control.  

 

I have no real advice, other than to say that I hope they come around and realize that first and foremost, their daughter is their daughter and love is love.  I hope they can come to terms with all of this for the sake of their child.  

 

Post # 35
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

If you haven’t already spoken to your cousin, please consider letting her know that you support her and are on her side. She must feel so awful that her parents have reacted this way and I think your support would mean a lot to her.

Post # 36
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly I wish my homophobic aunt would stay home. Her son is gay and she pulled this kind of thing years ago, people went along for while, but once events like weddings, gradations, ectr starting happen for all my cousins and I we refused to shun her son and now she threatens but ends up coming and giving my Cousin and his partner of many years the evil eye. I don’t think she spoken to him in years, my uncle goes behind her back to visit their son, because he had a heart attack years ago and came to his senses.

Anyways you cannot control what your aunt and uncle do. I think you need to come to terms of this, and really put it into perspective this way, can you imagine how your cousin is feeling to have such a big moment in her life and not have her parents there? I mean it’s your aunt and uncle, but her parents so it must hurt that much more, and given what you said it sounds like there is some level of estrangement if they can’t even bear to be in the same  room as her.

I have several gay friends, and volunteer with teens some who happen to be gay, and even those who had their parents treat them horribly, abandon them as teens, through them out on the street, refuse to speak to them, still have tremendous hurt and still love and miss them regardless. When you think about it from your cousins perspective, perhaps not having them there won’t feel as bad. Good luck and enjoy your day regardless if they come or not.

Post # 37
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you should contact your cousin…she probably already feels horrible enough that her partner is being completely rejected from her family for no reason other than her gender, but now she also probably feels like $hit because it’s her “fault” your aunt and uncle aren’t coming.

If they want to take time to “mourn”, then that is their prerogative, but they certainly don’t have the right to pull you into it. That is very manipulative and childish on their part.

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