(Closed) Aunt upset at kid-free wedding.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 17
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Stick to your guns and if you feel like you should reply then reply “oh, I’m sorry that you won’t be able to make it because the kids can’t come! We are so excited to see you guys in Ireland though and I can’t wait to give their kiddos some trinkets from (wherever you’re from)!” exactly like you said to your uncle who replied a normal response to your wedding invite. For some reason she thinks being this mean to you is normal so reply as you normally would (not as your angry self). I don’t think you should ignore her because it seems like she won’t let up! You just send the same reply worded differently but the same nice way every time. I had this happen I had a flower girl (2) and ring bearer (2)  and my 9,12 year old siblings who were part of the wedding party and everyone else was 18+! It was totally worth it and the couple of people who did say something I said the same thing over and over and they came and didn’t bring their kids. 

Totally worth the battle and totally worth being able to say “hmmm I was so NICE to them when they were so evil!” Later on lol 

Post # 18
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

flowerofeden: I wouldn’t respond. You don’t want to start something just because she couldn’t keep her opinons to herself and respect your wishes.

You’re the bride, what you say goes 🙂

Post # 19
12323 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

flowerofeden: Off topic again, but I want to expand on my post. I  support your decision to have a childfree wedding, and don’t dispute that it may be easier and simpler for you to invite no children at all. That said, having some children and not others is not the least bit “unfair” unless all the children have the same connection to you.

Children can very appropriately be invited according to categories, just the same as adults. You can invite all cousins or none, all children of cousins or none, all children of friends or none, etc. You can also limit by age, or say you want no children at all. Where you can run into actual unfairness is within categories. For example, IMO it’s quite wrong to invite a flower girl but not her brother or her cousin or one close friend’s child but not another.  

But just because someone is a child, doesn’t mean they are the same to you as every other child. It would be just as senseless to say it’s unfair not  to invite every adult you know, so you have to invite no one. You are entitled to invite all those adults or none of them, but most people choose to draw the line somewhere.

You drew it at kids, which is fine, but that doesn’t  make another way of doing it the least bit unfair.

Post # 20
594 posts
Busy bee

She’s being rude and intrusive. I’d do my best to ignore her.

Post # 21
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

flowerofeden:  I would just say “I’m sorry you feel that way but your email was hurtful and unnecessary. We were clear with everyone from the beginning about not having children at the wedding due to budget, space constraints, and not choosing between which children were more important than others. Your presence will be missed but it is understood, and we hope that we will see you at some other time during our visit.”

I don’t suggest not answering her because silence usually makes people crazier, and also, you should acknowledge the fact that she is being rude and nasty to you. I wouldn’t ever let anyone get away with that kind of disrespect, but you don’t have to go down to her level and be nasty back. I would certainly answer her so she knows that her behavior didn’t go unnoticed and it was not appreciated.

After you press send, forget her and enjoy your wedding with the people that will be there and that WANT to be there for YOUR day 🙂


  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  MissJulianna.
Post # 22
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

karinagarcia:  This: “Third, if you guys don’t want children of your own someday, why are you getting married??” is ignorant. I don’t want children, but I still want to marry my Fiance. You know why? Because the desire to have children is not the prerequisite to marriage. I am worth more than my ability to procreate. 

OP–I second what other people are telling you, although I’m the biggest fan of the MAILERDAEMON response. 


Post # 23
594 posts
Busy bee

karinagarcia:  Uhh, my husband and I don’t want children (I’ve got a consultation for a tubal ligation scheduled at the end of the month!), and we got married. What the hell does reproducing have to do with getting married? Get out of the 14th century.

Post # 26
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

haha I like the MAILERDEAMON comment.  If I was to write anything back I would just say that you understand how she feels but wanted to extend the invitation to her regardless.  But honestly not responding is probably the best to avoid a blow out. 

On a side note, I can not for the life of me understand people who feel that their kids should be invited to everything.  What happened to parents going out and having a good time on their own.  I am pregnant and have weddings coming up and will not be bringing my child even if they are invited. 

Post # 27
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

karinagarcia: Why should she have to spend money she doesn’t have just so she doesn’t upset other people? I know I’m not going to put myself in debt so my friends kids can have a fun night at my party. I love the kids in my family and my friends kids and I would want them to have a good time! But if I didn’t have the money to pay for them they wouldn’t be invited. The only think I agree with her is “not to worry about it”. Because OP you shouldn’t. This is your day not your aunts!

ohnatto:  I am laughing so hard. OP please do this.

flowerofeden:  Stand your ground! This is your day! I would just send her an email back and say you are sorry she feels that way. The reasons for this decision were X,Y, and Z. You would really like for her to be there but 100% understand if she can’t make it. And that you are looking forward to seeing her in Ireland. Kill her with kindness and don’t let her ruin your day! If she responds anything nasty or anything at all besides setting up a time to see you when you are in Ireland, I would just ignore it.

Post # 28
7077 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

karinagarcia:  Really? Was that kind of reply necessary? It’s the OP’s choice who she wants to invite to her wedding, and if she doesn’t want to invite kids so be it. I am SO SICK of hearing “weddings are family events and so kids should be included”. I’m sorry, did I miss the memo where on person gets to decide WHAT a family is? That’s like saying my Darling Husband and I, who have no kids, are not a “family” or are somehow less important than those who have kids. Family is whatever you decide it is for yourself.

Post # 29
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

flowerofeden:  your aunt is a nut job. What’s funny is we are inviting tons of kids but no one wants to bring them! We were so excited about having 50+ kids under five and imagined them all dancing together and stuff. Nope. All my cousins are leaving their kids with their in-laws and having a date night! 

I would probadly just reply saying “I’m sorry you feel that way. Hopefully we can see you when we are in Ireland.” But honestly I don’t think I’d want to see her! 

Post # 30
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

karinagarcia:  what a bunch of crock. so are you saying people that CANNOT have children should also not get married because….whats the point? Your response is disgusting!

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