Post # 77
@ItWasntMe: After we were done cleaning out her belongings, I gathered some of my grandma’s most “notorious” sweatshirts (she had certain clothes she would wear to family gatherings or holidays), some tubes of lipstick, scarves, jewelry box, costume jewelry, eye glasses and some other items. I took those items to the wake and offered them to my cousins and other family members. Most items were taken except for a few sweatshirts, lipstick and eyeglasses which I gladly took, but only after I gave everyone else first rights. It was a few days after that that my mom gave me the ring.
I can’t remember the specific items my aunt took, but I know she took several items from my grandmother’s curio cabinet.
Post # 78
@alyssaC: +1 Exactly what I was trying to say, only you said it better.
Post # 79
@anonabee14: keep the ring, you let your cousins and other members get items at the wake. just keep the ring and remember your grandma.
my parents are now starting to tell each kid what its theres when they pass., its upsetting but each of us will get things and will cherish the items.
Post # 80
@anonabee14: That’s why I’m saying that maybe it wasn’t thought out since they did it so quickly. My Mom died 8 years ago, and we just divided it all up this past summer while cleaning out my parent’s house. My Dad is now in Assisted Living, so we had to sell his house. No one took anything until a few months ago, and even then i t was so hard to go through all her things without crying. A few days after she passed would have been impossible for us, so who knows what would have been decided or done? If you haven’t lost a parent yet, you have no idea how difficult it is, especially if you have always been close and had a great relationship.
You’re in a difficult spot and I don’t envy you one bit. Hope you get it resolved and everyone is OK with it.
Post # 81
@ItWasntMe: Thank you. I wish we could’ve waited to go through her things, but my grandpa was adamant on getting her things out as quickly as possible. He’s never one to show emotion (my mom said she’s seen him cry once in her entire life when my mom’s 7 year old sister passed away) and I think having her things around made him sad. My heart hurts every time I picture him sitting at the kitchen table as we were moving her things 🙁
Post # 82
Keep it. She gave it to your mother who then has the right to do whatever she wants with it. You cherish it. Her and her daughter have gone 6 months without mentioning it until now. Your mom told you to keep it so therefore any talk to you from your aunt about it needs to be squashed and she can talk to your mom. Simply tell her you love it and cherish it and your mother gave it to you and she said your mom could have them, that was her decision, there are no take backs, especially after 6 months!
Post # 83
The ring has a home and it’s next to your heart.
Post # 84
@j_jaye: From your responses it sounds like you would rather the OP possibly destroy her family unity over a ring. Do you really think that would be what the grandmother would want to see?
If her aunt is really going to destroy the family over this, SHE is the one doing that, not the OP. But I would hope it wouldn’t come to that, it would be quite sad. And I highly doubt that the OP’s grandmother would approve of the aunt, who already chose several items to keep, taking away something from the granddaughter that she cherishes and the aunt intially said she didn’t want.
OP, I just saw your last update and you mentioned your grandfather, I didn’t realize before that he was still living. So, as far as people pointing out things legally and who trumps who, really your grandfather trumps everyone. Maybe your mother can explain the situation to him and ask what he thinks your grandmother would have wanted. But I don’t know how he’s doing at this point, it might not be a good idea to have him aware there’s any sort of problem with it since he is going through a lot, but if your aunt keeps pushing the issue it’s something to consider.
Post # 85
You know, I should add that my family had this scenario, but without the angst.
My aunt took my grandmother’s engagement ring (don’t know what happened to her wedding band). Then after my brother proposed to his now-wife (sans ring), my mom asked my aunt if she would give it to my brother, so he could give it to his fiance for an engagement ring. She did, my brother had it reset in a 3-stone ring (discovering in the process the original setting made it look much smaller than it really was) and no one was upset. Yes, it was generous of my aunt to pass it on – she could have given it to her daughter for when she got engaged (and then it’d definitely stay in the family no matter if anyone divorced), but she didn’t. On the other hand, my mom recognized that she wasn’t entitled to the ring 5 years after she let my aunt take it, so she just asked and didn’t demand.
Post # 86
I agree with the other posters. The ring is yours. I lost my grandmother a year ago and was given her engagement ring. My cousin (who is 10 years younger than me, I’m 28) was very jealous of the fact that I got the ring. Personally, I wish I had my grandmother… couldn’t care less about the material possessions. With that being said, I planned to take the diamond out of the setting and have it mounted into a pendant that can be worn for my wedding. I know by wearing that necklace, my grandmother will be with me. So, back to the story with my cousin… while the family was together after my grandmother passed, I had to get the ring sized and saudered back together (It had to be cut off her hand), my cousin had the nerve, infront of my grandfather, to say “well if your taking the diamond, i want the setting. This did not go over well with anyone in the family. In the end, I had the diamond taken out and made into a halo pendant (I’ts gorgeous!) and then I had the ring rhodium plated (It was yellow gold and I only wear silver/white gold) and then had an amethyst put into the ring, which is my birthstone.
So, in conclusion, the ring should be yours. Your aunt gave it to your mom to give to you and thats where it should stay. No Indian giving!
Post # 87
@kay01: It sounds like you have a wonderful family! That was so nice of your aunt to give it to your brother.
Post # 88
Here is an idea that may not even apply to this situation but maybe it will. My grandmother passed away when my mother and her 4 siblings were very young. They took her wedding ring diamonds and made three beautiful diamond rings out of it and gave one to each of her girls. My mother passed it down to me and I feel I have a wonderful women I wasn’t lucky enough to meet.
I know this means taking a beautiful ring apart. It could also mean that both you and your cousin would have a meaningful ring to remember your cherished grandmother. Good luck!
Post # 89
I have a ring from my grandmother too. I would never part with it. The ring is rightfully yours. She has no claim to it.
Post # 90
@anonabee14: I would keep it. She could have taken it if she wanted.
I was in a similar situation with an emerald and diamond ring that my grandmother repeatedly told me she wanted me to have when she was gone. It is my birthstone and I always played with it when I was a kid. Many family members heard her tell me that and knew her wishes. When it came time to get the ring, no one could find it. Turns out my aunt, her daughter, took it and will not give it to me. My dad, her oldest son, told my aunt that my grandmother wanted me to have it, as my aunt had heard on many occasions too. She pretended that it was lost, but I saw her wearing it last Thanksgiving. It still breaks my heart that my aunt would refuse to give me the ring, especially since she got my grandmothers wedding band and engagement ring an everything. I loved my grandmother so much, we were very close, and it makes me cry to think I have nothing of hers that she wanted me to have.
Post # 91
Keep the ring. If it was purely sentimental, she should have just accepted the wedding band when your mom offered that. I inherited a few pieces of jewelery from my grandmother, and even though almost all of them had no value at all, I treasured them just because they were hers. I was happy to get a few of my grandma’s sweaters, which I love to cuddle up in & remind me of her. From my experience, when someone wants an item for sentimental reasons, they really just want an item of that persons, and usually aren’t trying to choose only one item.. if that makes sense.