Post # 1
I have a question about bridal showers in Australia because I’ve personally never known anyone to have one.
My mum has been invited to my cousin’s bridal shower. She is having a seperate hen’s night that we assume mum won’t be asked to attend (not an issue just thought it might be important info). My mum is expected to pay for her meal at the shower. I told her she shouldn’t then also give a gift. Is this correct? Should she give a bridal shower gift as well as pay for her food and drinks?
ETA: My mum doesn’t want to appear rude and I want to make sure I give correct information.
Post # 2
I would say a gift is probably expected? but not required.
Also an Aussie Bee who has never had or heard of a bridal shower here.
Maybe some US bees can shed some light? I didn’t think that paying your way at a bridal shower was the norm? It’s a gift giving event, so I guess it would be rude to show without a gift, but then they are rude asking you to pay your way. So? i’m no help.
Post # 3
The only person I’ve ever known to do a bridal shower was my Future Sister-In-Law, and that was only because she definitely didn’t have any friends or family who would want to attend or plan a fun hens party for her (she’s a massive, massive pain in the ass bitch with a capital C).
They’re just not done in Australia
But as far as etiquette goes – yes I think she should still buy a gift. It’s a bit shit that it wasn’t properly catered, but that doesn’t mean the etiquette stops being true. Did the bride specifically say no gifts? Otherwise yes, she should show with one.
Post # 4
Uniquebee77 : is it a bridal shower or kitchen tea? Is there a difference? (I honestly have no idea)
Aussie bee here and everyone in Sydney basically has a kitchen tea. You are certainly not expected to pay for anything and are definitely expected to turn up with a gift.
Is there a registry? Does the invitation reference gifts at all?
Id say it’s pretty rude to be invited and be expected to pay, in saying that I would probably take a very small gift just so not to seem rude myself, however, the premise of the whole event is already rude because she’s being asked to pay for her food and drinks.
If you can’t afford an event, don’t have one I say!
Post # 5
Going off US etiquette here…. a gift would still be expected but I’d get a very small one on a count of the rude “hosting”
Post # 6
Another Aussie bee here, most of my friends have had bridal showers and it’s slowly becoming the norm. However I’ve never been to one where I’ve had to pay for my meal so that’s still a bit tricky…
I would take a gift but I wouldn’t get anything expensive. In my expirience with the showers I’ve been to the gifts have been inexpensive anyway – candles, hand lotions, small decor. I think my cousin got some nice tea towels? The mosst expensive item I’ve seen someone receive was a wall clock.
Buy a card and something inexpensive to go with it.
Post # 7
Aussie here but from what I understand bridal shower are hosted and guests don’t pay to attend. What they are expected to do is bring a gift for the bride.
Your cousin is being rude and essentially adopting a tradition from somewhere else and then basically doing whatever she wants which isn’t typical to the event. Your mum should not have to pay for her own meal and be expected to bring a gift. I don’t understand why your cousin didn’t just do a low key typical Australian ‘kitchen tea’ at someone’s house for a few hours with a few savoury plates of food, some prosecco and then some tea/coffee and cake. Why have a bridal shower out at a restaurant when your budget is more kmart than kardashian? That’s just rude to pass on the cost to guests for an unnecessary pre wedding party.
Tell your mum to go to Thingz and buy the cheapest and ugliest 10 buck plate/platter they have and gift that to your cousin. Your mum should not be expected to pay to attend and bring a gift. Your cousin is being extremely rude and a $1 card and an ugly plate from Thingz seems appropriate.
Post # 8
cmsgirl : HAHA I can just picture the kind of ugly ass crockery you get from Thingz. Half their trade must be from embittered party guests.
Post # 9
I live in New Zealand and bridal showers aren’t a thing here. Something called a kitchen tea can be. You have an afternoon or morning tea then show up with something small for their kitchen. Im talking tea towels, a mixing bowl etc
Post # 10
Uniquebee77 : Oh no no no, are these seriously going to become a thing here?
I always assumed we didn’t do the bridal shower thing because we do the engagement party thing which is ordinarily a gift giving event.
I have been to “high teas” in the past which we paid our own way for, but a gift was not expected. It was basically an alternative to, or a part of a hens night.
I think it’s completely out of line to expect your mum to have to pay for her own meal AND have to bring a gift.
I second PP, give her some small ugly platter or something.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone. I am a bit miffed about the whole thing! I realise the word ‘shower’ is used to to insinuate ‘shower in gifts’ but it seems rude mum has to pay to go as well.
rosadiaz : Not sure if it’s going to become a thing. I’m in my late 30s and cousin is early 20s so maybe it is an up and coming thing here amongst that generation.
sydneybee4 : Well this is where it seems even ruder to me. My mum was literally messaged a screenshot from Facebook. The event was called ‘Names bridal shower’. From there mum was told she had to pay to attend – share plates/high tea style food.
Post # 12
Im also in New Zealand, and the only time Ive ever heard the phrase “bridal shower” here was when someone referred to my hens night as one, basically using it interchangeably with hens night and absolutely not with the idea of it being a gift giving event. Baby showers on the other hand are a thing we do here, and I assume in Australia too from what Ive seen from friends and family living there – however I dont think people are generally that fussed about actual gift giving. They’re more about spending time together and celebrating the impending arrival. People generally do give gifts, but I’ve certainly never felt like it was an obligation. So my advice is to assume its like a hens night high tea type thing which is far more common in our cultures.
Post # 13
- Wedding: December 1969 - Montsalvat, Victoria
Aussie bee here – I’m not having a bridal shower but I have had friends have one. Usually the food is supplied and there’s a gift registry I can go off for small/kitchen type things (e.g. mixing bowl, set of measuring cups etc). First time i’ve heard of a bridal shower that isn’t catered so I’d go with a small $20-$30 gift if you’re also paying your way re: food/drinks.
Post # 14
Ugh, this is not a trend we need. Can she not just say no? If I’d received an invite via a screenshotted facebook post (or whatever it was) I think I’d find something else I was already busy doing that day…
Post # 15
cmsgirl : Hahahaha your comment made me literally laugh out loud. That was pretty my reaction when Mum was telling me about it considering our whole extended family are the furthest thing from Kardashians!