Post # 1
We are currently planning our engagement party and are having trouble with who to invite. Mainly looking for input from other Aussie bees, as I know what US etiquette dictates.
Initially I was under the impression that you only invite people who you KNOW will be invited to the wedding. However my mother is adamant that the engagement party is supposed to be celebrated with EVERYONE and that the wedding can be much smaller and more intimate. After talking with a few other people the general consensus seems to be that she is right… A couple of the people even mentioned that they’d be very upset/ offended if they weren’t invited to a friends engagement but they wouldn’t necesarily expect an invite to the wedding.
So the current plan is to have a pretty casual engagement party will all our friends/colleagues invited and a more formal and scaled down wedding with only family and our closest friends.
I guess I’m wondering if this is how it is in your circle? Is this an Australian thing, or just a thing in my circle?
And how did you navigate it… did you let people know from the start that you would only be having a small wedding?
Post # 2
I’m an Aussie. I know people do tend to invite more to their engagement party and possibly have a small wedding not inviting a lot of those attended the engagement party.
I heard from a colleague though that he regretted it because a lot of people who attended the engagement party and weren’t going to be invited to the wedding would often ask him when is the wedding. It was awkward trying to tell them they aren’t invited to the wedding lol..
I think that can work if you have a REALLY small wedding with just close family and a few friends, so people probably won’t feel offended not to be invited. If you still have a reasonably sized wedding, lines can be blurred.
But in short, it’s certainly not uncommon from what I’ve seen!
Post # 3
I have been invited to larger engagement parties and nit the wedding as the wedding was family only. Totally ok with it as we knew from the start.
Also happens when people have a longer engagement and so have no idea if wedding size when planning the engagement party.
if anyone asks about the wedding just let them know you haven’t confirmed anything yet.
Post # 4
I’m from New Zealand and people invite a huge amount to their engagement party. It doesn’t mean they’re coming to your wedding. Often when you’re planning your engagement party, you haven’t worked out a wedding guest list or even booked a venue!!!
Post # 5
littlemisspetite : The etiquette is the same as the US. Only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the engagement party. Whether people follow etiquette is a different thing.
Post # 6
missyjz : wedding2018 : missviolet92 : Thank you! I’m feeling much more confident with our plan. My main concern is that our ‘small/intimate’ wedding will still be 100-120 ppl …but our engagement party is currently at 200+ ppl so it will still be considerably smaller…
j_jaye : Thanks for your input. I’m no expert on etiquette (in the US or Australia), but I find the idea that etiquette is the same worldwide a bit absurd.
Post # 7
littlemisspetite : I don’t understand what is absurd about it? Etiquette is a set of societal rules around being nice, hospitable and gracious. Are you sure you are not confusing etiquette with tradition?
Post # 8
I feel like it’s kind of awkward to invite people to your engagement but not the wedding. We are in Aus and invited the same people to our engagement as to our wedding…. however our wedding was only 60 people in total so I get your numbers are different.
Post # 9
I’m from Melb – our engagement party was slightly bigger than our wedding and we invited more friends. It was 2 years before our wedding and my dh has a big family so i told my friends the wedding itself was going to be mostly family and they understood.
Post # 10
j_jaye : society differs greatly across the world, I don’t see how one set of societal rules could suit everywhere. What is polite and hospitable in one country is not necessarily so in another.
Post # 11
j_jaye : but we’ll agree to disagree. I’m not here for a debate 🙂 x
Post # 12
littlemisspetite : ok. So. We were grappling with this before our wedding. We’re Ocker so local knowledge here.
I invited everyone to our engagement party who were invited to our wedding – except we included the kids of family members (in our family, kids are invited to the engagement, but not the wedding for the most part, so no issue).
And we made the mistake of stupidly inviting 2 of my friends who just didn’t make the mark of getting wedding invites.
Got real awkward. I didn’t have the heart to tell them they weren’t invited. So just ran with it. Guess whose wedding guest list just added 2x + partners? Lol. Don’t mind though. They’re good people and long time friends. They should have been on the list to start with, but you know, trying to keep costs down and all.
Save yourself the pain. Only invite those to your engagement who you expect to see at your wedding. Take it from an Aussie bee who has been there!
Post # 13
Hmm no I wouldn’t do it, I invited two couples I wasn’t planning to invite to the wedding but they asked for details and said they would save the date, then subsequently asked about it at later events so I ended up inviting them, didn’t want to ruin any relationships. It’s awkward.