Post # 1
Hi everyone, I’m new here and have quite a predicament. I feel awful and horribly guilty even writing about this but I’m not sure what to do. I live and am getting married in Austin TX and both mine and the groom’s family are flying in from other states to come to the wedding, since Austin is a nice halfway point for everyone. Anyway, I’m wondering how to approach the topic of my younger brother to my parents. He is autistic and can be easily set off by things, sometimes to the point of hitting and attacking people. Dogs (or other animals), coughing, the smell of cigarette smokes, etc..all of these things can set him off and when he is set off he can be very difficult to control. He is 19 now, and very big and tall. I am worried about having him at the ceremony and reception, because I know that he will be antsy and several of our friends are smokers, and in all probability at least someone will accidentally cough at some point during the evening and I wouldnt want anyone to get attacked.
I feel terrible asking my mother if we can find someone to watch him during the ceremony and reception, because he is my brother and they are flying in from out of town.
How should I approach this?
Post # 3
my nephews wifes brother is autistic and he did go off at the wedding – but it was outdoors and he was seen yahooing (he was excited) and running off into the garden/hills so the wedding continued – as a guest i just shrugged my shoulders and thought oh well sometimes these things happen and the last thing i would want to see is someone try to restrain him (as this would upset him more)
i do know he didnt come to the reception, the family decided before hand that he would go to a friends house where he was comfortable with the surroundings so not to stress him – i say be honest with your folks and put your brothers comfort first
Post # 4
You’re not out of line at all making that request. I know everyone in your family understands, but you still wouldn’t want to make him upset over anything if you can avoid it. My daughter was recently officially diagnosed with autism, but even before I knew I would still make an effort to avoid certain situations I knew would set her off. I’ve sometimes had to pick up and leave my parent’s house at 2am because noise from their water heater is triggering her. It’s perfectly ok to want your brother to be comfortable.
Post # 5
I think approaching it from the aspect of wanting your brother to be comfortable would be the best. Talk to your parents, and I’m sure you can all come up with something together that will work. I’m sure they’re just as concerned about taking him to a new environment full of triggers as you are.
Post # 6
My son has Asperger’s and we’ve had to leave large family gatherings on a regular basis. He doesn’t lose control but he starts pacing and asking to leave. He can manage about an hour and then it just gets to be too much.
Your brother probably wouldn’t enjoy himself anyway, because of too much stimulation. What about just having a very small party with only immediate family after the wedding? It’s a way to celebrate in a controlled environment and he would have a better time.
Post # 7
I think it is ok to ask that. OR, what about having a PCA or someone to sit with him who is not involved in your family or wedding? So that way, if they start to see him get uncomfortable, they can help calm him down or take him out of the room. I am an SLP so we are always trying to figure out ways to integrate services! ha!