Post # 1
This is my first topic thread! I’ve been stalking these forums for years and have gotten to the point in my relationship to talk about marriage. (I’m so happy!) I’m not even engaged, yet, but I think it’ll be coming sometime…we’re talking about saving up and he did mention “let’s do it” when it came to having a wedding.
Anyways, now to the meat of the topic. I have a horrible extended family. My dad’s side is pretty cool, but the only problem is that I have 8 aunts/uncles and each married relative (all but one) has had at least 3 children. If I had a reception at home, it’d be a huge hooplah and that’s not something we want. We barely talk to these folks (lost in Vietnamese translation) and we did attend my cousin’s wedding…to which even my cousin forgot who I was. Yet, for family honor and all, I know it’d be a huge slap in the face to my dad’s side if I don’t invite them to my wedding. I am my father’s eldest daughter and I don’t want my dad to have problems with his family (he’s
really close to them).
On my mom’s side, I’ve relatives who had the audacity to stick gum on my graduation cap and act as if I had deserved it. Then they turn around and tell me what they want for their birthday. Every 3-6 months I get a nasty message from my cousin saying that I’m a loser in the most offensive way possible. They aren’t rugrats, but grown men and women. I don’t know why they do this to me but my Boyfriend or Best Friend says it’s because they are jealous (I grew up on welfare and I am going to be the first woman in the family graduating from grad school…only three of us have a BA/BS). I’ve endured this kind of treatment for years because I’m a pacifist, they are my family, and despite that I know that an eye-for-an-eye won’t make me a better person.
So if I’m already dreading the possibility of having these folks burn my dress or cause drama on my big day, should I even bother inviting them? I want to honor my family but avoid them at the same time. My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I believe that a destination wedding will do just that, but would it be right to invite them or simply send out wedding announcements?
Post # 3
That’s terrible! I’m so sorry you have to worry about this!
If it were me, I’d elope and send out wedding announcements. Worrying about your dress being burned at your wedding is something that no one should ever have to think about. Is there any way you could start bringing up the idea of Destination Wedding to your Dad now? Since it’s so far in advance, it could give him some time to adjust. As for your Mom’s side, I wouldn’t worry about those people at all. They sound horrible.
Post # 4
I agree, definitely save yourself the worry and elope, then send out wedding announcements.
One of my coworkers said he chose to elope because his family is just awful (both he and his wife had divorces on both sides, etc) and he said that none of them could stand to be in the same room together, so eloping was the right decision for them.
Post # 5
We went that way for similar reasons (and many other reasons too). Our families aren’t as terrible as you describe, but still, we wanted an intimate celebration and barely know these people, plus they don’t really get along.
I invited my family, knowing that they would decline the invite (some because they don’t have the money to travel, and others because of lack on interest – they would have made it if it was at home, only because they had to, but wouldn’t spend to come to a DW). My family would have been insulted not to be invited so they received one.
My husband didn’t invite people on his side at all. They don’t get along together, and he openly said he didn’t want to have to manage that, or choose which ones to invite. We explained that it would just be us and our parents and very close friends. Nobody made it a big deal.
Since we got back, we’ve had small celebrations with each parts of the family, and really everything went well. Plus, we got the wedding that we really wanted, and have NO regrets AT ALL. I’d rather have the stress of not inviting someone and dealing with it and love my wedding to each details, than inviting people and having the stress of them ruining it for us. Just something to think about…
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna
Send out wedding announcements!! We are only inviting people who support us and leaving out a couple people who are just plain RUDE.