Post # 16
If the dresses are identical and your other BMs are slender- and had input in choosing a style that they could rock- then your Future Sister-In-Law may not only feel self-conscious about how she looks, but worries she’ll stick out like a sore thumb next to other BMs who ‘wore it better’.
Demoting her to cake-cutting duties will likely make her feel even worse, even if you meant well.
It truly sounds like she’s worried about feeling humiliated and unattractive in the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, not like she’s just being high maintenance and uncooperative. Let her pick a dress, same colour different style, that she won’t feel ashamed to wear. Yes, it’s your wedding, but showing compassion to your Future Sister-In-Law as she struggles with her weight issue is a lovely gesture for your future relationship with her.
Post # 17
TBH, I think you are the one being inconsiderate. Even in the US, brides are supposed consult with the BMs regarding style and budget. And if your SIL has a figure that is challenging to fit, you should have been especially sensitive to that and taken it into account.
BMs don’t have to match like a chorus line. In your place, I’d give her a color and let her pick her own dress. Demoting her would be a terrible and hurtful thing to do. I’d buy back the other two dresses and tell all three to wear whatever they want before I’d do that.
I agree with PPs that allowing the other two to choose the dresses without SIL’s input was unfair and thoughtless.
Post # 18
Weddingmaven for the win. I at stunned at the number of people who think it is ok to ditch her.
Post # 19
As a larger chested woman there are a ton of dresses I wouldn’t feel comfortable in. My SIL (married to my brother) took me when she went looking to make sure I would feel comfortable. My Future Sister-In-Law (FI’s sister) is on the larger side and I specifically passed on a dress I would have loved because I thought she would feel uncomfortable in it (I never told anyone, would never make her feel bad about that). In the end I am choosing a designer color and fabric and letting the 8 BMs choose any of the 20+ styles. It feels horrible to have someone pick a dress you are too big for, and I do not blame her in the least for not wanting to look / feel awful and uncomfortable.