- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
My mom doesn’t want me to invite one of her sisters–I’ll call her TBS (the blacksheep). Apparently, there was some falling out 15 years ago between three of the siblings and us cousins have never really understood exactly what happened. My mom thinks it’ll be too stressful for her and that her other siblings wouldn’t come if they knew TBS was invited. Or, worse, there would be a fight. I uneasily agreed with my mom to not invite TBS, so I could avoid fighting with my mom over something I know little about.
However, I’m friends with my cousin, the daughter of TBS, and by the time mom asked this, I’d already asked my cousin’s son to be my ring bearer
So now my cousin is heart-broken (and TBS will be as soon as she finds out), and is ready to fight it out with my mom, saying she’ll take her son out of the wedding if her mom isn’t invited.
(While I was being a teeny, tiny advocate in telling my cousin in advance that TBS wasn’t invited, I didn’t have the heart to tell the cousin that pulling her son was a futile argument; mom is expecting this and has another child in mind. As in, it’s a cheap price to pay to get TBS out of the picture.)
The worst part is that I feel guilty because I’m utterly passive about all of this. Either way, there is going to be a fight–before the wedding or at the wedding… and I am not close enough with the aunts and uncles to pick a side. I’m feeling like the whole thing is their fight and not mine. The siblings are there to make my mom happy, not me. And if my cousin pulls her son, I’d understand.
So, the question is: can I easily say this isn’t my fight? Even though it is my wedding, I personally can’t see that there is a right answer. I want my mom to be happy. I want my cousin and aunt to be part of the family. But I really can’t see why the wedding has to be the place to fix all of this–or blast it all apart.