Post # 1
What do I do?
I have been attending a church with my Fiance for over a year now. When Fiance and I got engaged, I sent a wedding inquiry to the church and in the box that said, “Do you have a specific pastor you’d like to work with?” I checked “No.”
I got “paired” up with an assistant pastor who is fine… so I emailed him, we talked a few times, and we set up our initial pre-marital couseling session.
However, after a few weeks… I started to think. And I feel like it would feel more “right” to have the main pastor marry us. I feel that he is so incredibly wise, his sermons are inspiring, he just has a comforting presence. I feel closer to him than the assistant pastor, and… I think… I’d rather have him marry us.
I feel really guilty though, and feel really badly about possibly telling the assistant pastor that I’d like the main pastor to marry us. We haven’t met for the counseling yet- the first meeting was yesterday but I asked him to reschedule and I told him we would email him.
Should I get over it and just ask the main pastor, and not feel badly? Or, should I just go with the assistant pastor because it’s just a quick ceremony, and not risk hurting his feelings? Would he even care? Am I just blowing this out of proportion?
Post # 3
I would call the office and ask them. Those office ladies…they know everything. They’ll know if it’s a big deal to change, or they’ll know if the assistant will be offended, and they’ll certainly know if the main pastor won’t really *want* too do it, like if he feels overworked or something.
Post # 4
I’m a huge fan of getting what you want, so before you go out on the ledge, see if the main pastor is even available for your ceremony. Chances are you’d go through all the drama and then he’s not free for one reason or another and that would suck! Find that out and then politely tell the AP that you would like the MP to do the ceremony and explain using the same reasons you’ve said here — you’re closer to him, you feel more spiritually guided by him, etc. I’m sure it won’t be too big of a deal.
Post # 5
@red_rose: i second this 100%. deal with the office ladies instead if at all possible. they may be able to switch your appointment or something with minimal trouble. and you wont burn any bridges with the assistant pastor if you ask them and they tell you that you can’t for whatever reason (like if the main pastor is busy)
Post # 6
If you think that the main pastor is a better fit for you, then it never hurts to ask. See if you can set up a meeting with him or at least get him on the phone and see what he says about it. I think you should be comfortable with who is marrying you!!
Post # 7
Have u heard the assistant pastor give sermons before? I understand all pastors have different styles in how they give sermons or officiate weddings. I would suggest praying about this before going through the motion of requesting a different pastor. I don’t think that you were paired up with this Pastor by chance. THink about whether this pastor will be able to effectively and tenderly officiate your wedding after having spent some time getting to know you guys. Many head pastors’ schedules are simply too busy to officiate everyone’s wedding and I’m sure there was a reason why your church paired you with an assistant pastor. I know that at my church, our lead pastor’s suggested honorarium fee is a bit higher and he is super busy, but there is another pastor who many of my friends have requested because of the style he presides over weddings. Personally, we are requesting that yet another pastor officiate our wedding because I have a close relationship with him. SOme of my friends don’t like the way he preaches, but that’s all personal preference. For me, I’d rather have a pastor I have a relationship with officiateover our wedding because it means “more” to me. Hope this helps!
Post # 8
I have sort of the same problem, except we asked for the main pastor and now I am thinking we should have went with the Associate Pastor. I’ve noticed that the main Pastor never replies to emails, when I call the church to talk to him he is never in, and doesn’t usually return a call until I’ve called and left messages a couple times. I understand that he is a busy guy, but geez! Just setting up our first meeting to discuss our wedding took almost 2 months of back and forth. Honestly, I don’t think we would have even got that appointment except my Fiance and I cornered him after church one day and basically hounded him back to his office and made sure he wrote it on his calendar. He’s great at sermons, and very personable, but not very organized. The Associate Pastor is really nice, and seems more on the ball. She knew our names after the first week we attended and always makes an effort to speak to us for a few moments, during the coffee hour after each service. Now I sort of feel that if we had asked for her to begin with, every detail of our wedding would already be planned and we’d be half way through our churchs mandatory pre-marriage counseling, which at this point, we haven’t even started yet. It’s just frustrating
Post # 9
I had always thought we’d prefer the senior pastor, but we were paired with one of the associate pastors, and I couldn’t have been happier. You may just need some time to get to know him.
Post # 10
You only get married once, so you should have the pastor who you truly want to marry you do so. Sit down with the assistant pastor, and let him know that you are closer with the main pastor and would he mind if he did your wedding instead. I’m sure the assistant pastor would’nt mind.
Post # 11
I think it could be a good opportunity to get to know the Associate Pastor.