(Closed) Awaiting proposal from father of my baby… driving me insane

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
10507 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

So he has cheated on you and is emotionally distant? Why do you want to stay in a relationship where you don’t feel like he cares about your feelings or truly loves you? 

You are so young, you have so much time to find someone who truly loves you and will treat you the way you deserve and it doesn’t sound like it’s this guy. I would stop waiting for the proposal and end it with him.

Post # 3
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee

Unfortunately I’m not going to be able to ease your mind – I’m seeing some red flags here, as PP pointed out.

Since you want to marry him, and have a child together, I don’t see why the two of you can’t sit down and talk about a timeline. You should absolutely be able to talk about the future – it’s not ‘forcing’ or ‘pressuring’ him – it’s you wanting to be able to make future plans for your life, and your son’s life.  

Post # 4
Member
292 posts
Helper bee

A ring is not going to change his actions, your situations or the way you feel. 

It will be exciting for the first few months until he does something else and the excitement of the ring wears off.  I agree with hikingbride you are young and have so much time on your hands to find and be someone who wants to be equally affectionate and loving and more importantly someone you deserve. Don’t settle just because its been three years and you think its time for a ring. 

Post # 5
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

You’re rushing through life and trying to force a marriage onto some guy who treats you like shit. You’re 20. Chill out. 

Post # 6
Member
6393 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
natsuzanne :  You shouldn’t marry a guy because you have a child together.  That’s not a reason.  It sounds like he doesn’t respect you (he cheated on you a few times).  Is that what you want in a relationship?  Emotional or physical it’s still cheating.  I would find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.

Post # 7
Member
34 posts
Newbee

Sorry, I can’t ease your mind either. First, you are 20. Twenty!! Sure, lots of people get married at 20 or younger and it’s fine, I guess. But lots of people also look back at themselves when they were 20 and shake their heads at the things they did and put up with. There is so much growing to do in your twenties and in my opinion, given your situation, marriage is not a good idea. It sounds to me that you, like many other women (including myself when I was 20), make excuses for the things you don’t like in your man. And you convince yourself that you can and should “get used to it.” This relationship just does not sound like it’s the one you should get married at 20 for. 

Post # 10
Member
6934 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
natsuzanne :  The first few years are the hardest? Completely disagree. That’s the honeymoon phase. Not saying it’s all roses but don’t expect the next years to be any easier. 

Post # 11
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

“i have always felt he doesn’t care about my feelings or doesn’t love me enough which makes me think he doesn’t love me enough to at least propose. “

Sorry, that is your answer. He doesn’t treat you well why would you want him to propose? I think you should separate and spend some time getting to know yourself and learn to be alone. Then when  you do decide to date again either him or someone else have a set of standards and demand they be met. 

Post # 12
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t have to marry him just because you had his kid. Doesn’t sound like your happiness would amount to much staying with him, let alone marrying him. 

Post # 13
Member
589 posts
Busy bee

Just cause you have a  kid together and are living together doesn’t mean you have future together .  like other people have stated you’re so young why you want settle down with person you had baby with? doesn’t seem like he’s really into you and wants focus on his life like you should be. figure yourself out and things you want out of life. 

Take step back and figure out what’s important to you. I’m glad your guy hasn’t proposed if that’s not what he wants. 

Post # 14
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

1) You want a ring to show off to other people/and or have people somehow judge you less, bad sign

2) He emotionally cheated on you, bad sign

3) he’s still emotionally distant and you feel like he doesnt ackowledge your feelings, bad sign

Why do you wnat to marry this guy? He’s not going to stop being HIM just because you have a ring.

TBH if you dont see him for a month, how are you sure he’s being faithful? He doesnt seem to have a great track record so far.

Post # 15
Member
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
natsuzanne :  You are too young to settle for someone who doesn’t seem to make you happy. Your BF’s sister accepting a ring from a man she doesn’t really love is something worth crying about–if you’re crying on her behalf. Certainly not a situation to covet. 

What are your life goals? Forget this guy for a minute, think about what you really want for yourself. Where do you want to be in ten years? Twenty? Do you want to spend the rest of your life missing the physical affection that is important to you? Or worrying that your guy is cheating on you? People can be faithful to a partner without a proposal and roposals and marriages don’t stop people from cheating…

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