Post # 1
Just wanted to see what people have to say if i’m just a psycho or if i have the right to feel this way. 🙂
Im currently 20, been with my guy since we were 17, got pregnant at 18 moved in together and lived together for 2 years already. Our son is 19 months. We celebrated our 3rd anniversary October 20, 2016, i thought he was going to propose (he didn’t) so by the end of that night i felt so angry and upset but hid my feelings.
Going back to my guy, he has a sister who is 21, just a year older than us and she started dating her guy around this past April-May, and July she ended up getting pregnant. He’s 22 so they’re young just like us. With them only being together for just 5-6 months he proposed to her this past September (and from what my mother in law told us, his sister doesn’t even love the guy). Literally broke my heart since i’ve been with my guy for 3 years and so in love with him and i still have no ring. It’s driving me insane. So ever since their engagement i have had really bad weeks of crying some weeks i’m fine but it’s like putting me into a depression but i don’t say anything because i don’t want to force a proposal. I’ve put up with a lot with him, he’s basically cheated on me a few times when we were still barely dating and once when i was pregnant, not by physical contact but just communicating with other girls for months behind my back and him seeing them with a bunch of people around so i know they never did things together. Havent had that problem since i was pregnant so i thought we were doing fine. Im a very affectionate person and he isn’t which breaks my heart when i’m trying to hold him and he kind of scoots away which i’m getting used to, but because of that i have always felt he doesn’t care about my feelings or doesn’t love me enough which makes me think he doesn’t love me enough to at least propose. Someone just please ease my mind!!!!
He also travels around the country (U.S) for work, sometimes we go with him sometimes we don’t see him for a month and i would just like that damn ring to know that he’s still going to be there for me. Not trying to sound cocky at all but I have guys that stare at me when i’m alone with my son at stores and when we’re doing things by ourselves because he’s away and i would just love to have that ring to show that i’m taken and proud and you would think my man would think about that too considering he’s a little jealous but it’s like he doesn’t care! drives me nuts.
Post # 2
So he has cheated on you and is emotionally distant? Why do you want to stay in a relationship where you don’t feel like he cares about your feelings or truly loves you?
You are so young, you have so much time to find someone who truly loves you and will treat you the way you deserve and it doesn’t sound like it’s this guy. I would stop waiting for the proposal and end it with him.
Post # 3
Unfortunately I’m not going to be able to ease your mind – I’m seeing some red flags here, as PP pointed out.
Since you want to marry him, and have a child together, I don’t see why the two of you can’t sit down and talk about a timeline. You should absolutely be able to talk about the future – it’s not ‘forcing’ or ‘pressuring’ him – it’s you wanting to be able to make future plans for your life, and your son’s life.
Post # 4
A ring is not going to change his actions, your situations or the way you feel.
It will be exciting for the first few months until he does something else and the excitement of the ring wears off. I agree with hikingbride you are young and have so much time on your hands to find and be someone who wants to be equally affectionate and loving and more importantly someone you deserve. Don’t settle just because its been three years and you think its time for a ring.
Post # 5
You’re rushing through life and trying to force a marriage onto some guy who treats you like shit. You’re 20. Chill out.
Post # 6
You shouldn’t marry a guy because you have a child together. That’s not a reason. It sounds like he doesn’t respect you (he cheated on you a few times). Is that what you want in a relationship? Emotional or physical it’s still cheating. I would find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.
Post # 7
Sorry, I can’t ease your mind either. First, you are 20. Twenty!! Sure, lots of people get married at 20 or younger and it’s fine, I guess. But lots of people also look back at themselves when they were 20 and shake their heads at the things they did and put up with. There is so much growing to do in your twenties and in my opinion, given your situation, marriage is not a good idea. It sounds to me that you, like many other women (including myself when I was 20), make excuses for the things you don’t like in your man. And you convince yourself that you can and should “get used to it.” This relationship just does not sound like it’s the one you should get married at 20 for.
Post # 8
I have thought about leaving, i actually still think about it. He’s not so much emotionally distant he does tell me he loves me all the time. The other day i actually cried out of nowhere and told him that i felt like he doesn’t care and he actually held me and told me to not ever think like that, he understands that he doesn’t express his love very much because it’s just the kind of person he is but for me to know that he does love me very much.
He’s just not so much into pda or cuddling all the time. I secretly blame his mom for him being like that because he said growing up she never showed him and his sister any affection. His sister is the same way with her man she’s so awkward with him when he tries to hold her in public. Which their mom is like that with her husband as well
I keep thinking maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it because he wants it to be a surprise. He tells me i deserve so much after everything we’ve been through and wants to make sure that i have a happy life with him. My mom says the first few years are always the hardest and i keep hoping that maybe she’s right and things will fall into place because he obviously used to be a lot worse and has changed so much.
Post # 9
Omg you all are so right.. i’ve dated guys in high school who were a lot ‘better’ than him. I needed someone who doesn’t know me to just tell me straight up. I talk about this with my family members all the time and they all just tell me that maybe he will do it soon and just someone other bullshit. But before him i was the girl who never let a guy treat me like shit and idk why i let him. I don’t even know why i stayed after the first time he cheated, but i wouldn’t have my son so it was for a reason.
Post # 10
The first few years are the hardest? Completely disagree. That’s the honeymoon phase. Not saying it’s all roses but don’t expect the next years to be any easier.
Post # 11
“i have always felt he doesn’t care about my feelings or doesn’t love me enough which makes me think he doesn’t love me enough to at least propose. “
Sorry, that is your answer. He doesn’t treat you well why would you want him to propose? I think you should separate and spend some time getting to know yourself and learn to be alone. Then when you do decide to date again either him or someone else have a set of standards and demand they be met.
Post # 12
You don’t have to marry him just because you had his kid. Doesn’t sound like your happiness would amount to much staying with him, let alone marrying him.
Post # 13
Just cause you have a kid together and are living together doesn’t mean you have future together . like other people have stated you’re so young why you want settle down with person you had baby with? doesn’t seem like he’s really into you and wants focus on his life like you should be. figure yourself out and things you want out of life.
Take step back and figure out what’s important to you. I’m glad your guy hasn’t proposed if that’s not what he wants.
Post # 14
1) You want a ring to show off to other people/and or have people somehow judge you less, bad sign
2) He emotionally cheated on you, bad sign
3) he’s still emotionally distant and you feel like he doesnt ackowledge your feelings, bad sign
Why do you wnat to marry this guy? He’s not going to stop being HIM just because you have a ring.
TBH if you dont see him for a month, how are you sure he’s being faithful? He doesnt seem to have a great track record so far.
Post # 15
You are too young to settle for someone who doesn’t seem to make you happy. Your BF’s sister accepting a ring from a man she doesn’t really love is something worth crying about–if you’re crying on her behalf. Certainly not a situation to covet.
What are your life goals? Forget this guy for a minute, think about what you really want for yourself. Where do you want to be in ten years? Twenty? Do you want to spend the rest of your life missing the physical affection that is important to you? Or worrying that your guy is cheating on you? People can be faithful to a partner without a proposal and roposals and marriages don’t stop people from cheating…