(Closed) Awful Behavior at an Engagement party

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

You should most definitely bring it up to him. He should know he behaved out of line and offended his hosts. He should know so he doesn’t do it again. Be sensitive that he may be embarrassed by his actions, but be honest and forthcoming with him.

I think the issue of inviting vs not inviting him, you have some time to decide. Maybe he will apologize for his actions and smooth things over. Maybe he will be too embarrassed to come. At least if you decide not to invite him he will know why. 

Post # 3
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
sammyslife :  How do you know he does “not remember[ing] the awful things he did”? 

Anyway, to me that’s a “one strike and you’re out” offence, especially since he’s not a relative so you don’t have to invite him, and your parents and Fiance don’t want him there now. 

Also, just putting it out there, do think he fancies you?

Post # 4
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I would most definitely bring it up with him. Regardless of whether he remembers or not, he needs to know that his behaviour was way out of line and that he offended a lot of people. If any of my friends behaved like this at a party I was hosting or was the guest of honour at, they could expect a “dude, what the hell” conversation sometime in the near future.

As for not inviting him to the wedding, if your Fiance and your parents want him taken off the list you might have to conceed to their wishes (particularly if your parents are helping to pay for the wedding). To be honest, I wouldn’t want someone who might get blackout drunk at my wedding, regardless of how long you’ve known them. One of my FI’s cousins is an alcoholic (an aggressive one at that) and we’ve decided not to invite him to our wedding – his parents and brother are invited, and they all know why he’s been left off the guestlist and understand. 

Post # 5
Member
8976 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
sammyslife :  If it is a close friend then you bring it up and to be honest, I would be explain why he would not be getting an invite to the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

I had a close friend get drunk and pass out on our wedding. Since my other close friend had left early, and no one else on the wedding actually knew this friend or were she lived, DH and I had to leave our wedding to take her home. Unfortunately, she has recently moved and never told me, and given her status she was unable to remember her address. We had to leave her at our apartment to spend the night with a spare set of keys. We had some guests staying there too, so when she woke up and tried to leave they found her (we had already told them about her) and she felt super embarrased.

So my advive would be, either cut him off or make sure he is constantly being watched over so he won’t get drunk (maybe have someone counting his drinks). 

Post # 7
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
sammyslife :  if he’s a close friend and this behaviour was totally out of character I would definitely talk to him to find out what was going on. After that, it’s up to you whether based on what he says whether you feel happy having him attend your wedding or not

Post # 8
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

im sorry bring it up is only going to rub salt in the wounds of embarresment, he will get defensive of his pride and it will probably sever your friendship… the key point here is your line ‘you have never seen him act like this before’, its a one off – someone had a little to much at a party (honesly there doesnt need to be a ‘reason’, being at a party having fun with alcohol and losing track of how much you had is plain and simply it) and lost control of their filter, its fairly common and happens to pretty much every non-teatotaller at some point in life

 

as long as he caused no damage that your being charged for their is no reason to bring it up… he knows he had to much and embarresed himself and now he will want to block it out

Post # 9
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee

Is he sorry? That would be the deciding factor for me. If he is embarrassed and apologetic, he messed up and it likely won’t happen again. If he brushes it off, doesn’t care, or acts cocky, then I wouldn’t trust him to not cause another scene. 

Post # 10
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I think you need to respect your FI’s wishes and, if your parents/his parents are helping pay, the parent’s wishes as well.

What he did was extremely inappropriate. I wouldn’t end the friendship necessarily and give benefit of the doubt. However, his actions have a consequence and you have a responsibility to ensuring your guests feel comfortable. Your partner obviously does not feel comfortable (with good reason) and that is a major consideration that needs to be taken into account as well. 

I would talk to him politely and lay out the events that took place after he got plastered. Hear what he has to say. Then I would, personally, politely explain that I still value the friendship but, due to the offenses other guests felt, you unfortunately need to request he doesn’t attend.

Post # 11
Member
8010 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

As someone who dealt with a drunk embarrassing relative at my wedding, I would say absolutely do not invite him. Skip the worry and headache.

Post # 12
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee

It’s one thing to drink a bit too much. It’s another to be an ass and upset people. You need to address this with him and tell him it was not acceptable. Or just don’t invite him. I would do the former first then decide on the latter depending on his reaction. Otherwise, look forward to potentially another night if this.

Post # 13
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

I think a conversation is important. Especially since you say it was not like him. And like another poster said, see how his reaction is towards his actions. If he’s embarrased, and willing to apologize to anyone he offended, then everyone makes mistakes and has a night where they drank a little too much, and you havesome time to decide if you feel comfortable inviting him.

If he gets defensive and just dissmisses you or gets upset, even when you approach him as a concerned friend and not an angry mom, then i think it’s a no brainer there and it’s not worth the risk.

Whatever decision you ar leaning towards, you need to be happy with while also making sure your fiance and family is also comfortable with it.

The topic ‘Awful Behavior at an Engagement party’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors