(Closed) Awful family situation – I don't know what to do :(

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

So sad.

She may push against your help, that’s what everyone’s first instinct is. But proceed to help anyway. Perhaps start a GoFundMe type page for help. I know those are kinda crappy but anything helps.

Post # 3
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Oh no, that is so heartbreaking! I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. 🙁 Grieving is such a tough subject, everyone handles it differently. I would just be there for your sister and let her know you are willing to do whatever is needed for help. Don’t push, but of course make it known that you are serious about the help.

Sounds like she has an amazing sister and Brother-In-Law behind her, just keep being there for support, in any way she is comfortable.

Post # 4
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Bell Tower on 34th

Kelly6871 :  omg.  I am so sorry for her and your loss.  That is so sad and difficult.  

I’ve been through a loss myself when I was kid that left my mom with 2 kids (including me) and no money as well.  I think the best way to approach her with your such amazingly kind help would be to focus on her kids.  To let her know that you and your husband love her kids and her and just want to help the kids and her make it through it.  I think that is exactly what my mom would have wanted to hear.  If she presses against you, you could just continue to offer to help the kids.  A momma bear will always want to protect her kiddos.

I’m sure she is just in sheer shock.  Blessings to your family and hers and she will be in my prayers.  My condolences…

Post # 5
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Kelly6871 :  You and your entire family have my condolences. How shocking and awful. 

I’m inclined to believe right now, she has NO idea what kind of help she’ll need. Its very kind and caring that you and your husband are thinking of these things. If the total sum of life insurance doesnt pay off the mortgage in its entirely, she may be better served using those monies elsewhere, especially if you can help her financially for awhile. Without an income of her own, chances are she will not qualify to do a refi for a reduced mortgage amount in her own name. Sadly, she may be faced with a house to sell. Time will tell, and once the funeral is over and the immediate moment has passed, she would be best served to talk with a financial planner or attorney, with some help/extra ears along with her. 

Very best wishes to you all! 

Post # 6
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My best friend went through something similar recently when her sister passed away. She didn’t have life insurance at all, but also didn’t own a home. What her family did right away was start a trust fund for her children. People were very generous, and that fund is now covering things like dance and sports fees, school supplies, that sort of thing, for her kids. So, I’d suggest starting a GoFundMe or something similar. You’ll be surprised at the generosity of others in a tragedy.

Post # 7
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! A trust fund for the kids like someone mentioned might be good as she may be more likely to accept money for her kids than herself. Maybe also if it’s sort of a collective family thing, rather than her feeling indebted to a particular person?

As far as day to day help goes, I’ve heard from other people who have suffered losses that it’s really helpful if people have specific ideas on what they can do. As in, if you just ask ‘is there anything I can do to help?’ then the person has to decide what to ask you and they’ll probably just leave it, but if you ask ‘can I babysit the kids/bring you a meal/clean the house?’ then they can just say ‘yes’.

Post # 8
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Kelly6871 :  I’m so sorry for your sister and all of the family.  Prayers are being offered.  Good suggestions from PP.

Post # 9
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

First of all sorry for your loss. Second of all I’d go ahead and offer it and just be there physically so her and the kids know they have people to lean on. I’ve never been through this but I have taken many college classes on death,dying and grieving so from a scholarly point of view I’d say to be there b for her and the kids in whatever way they need but also allow yourself to go b through the grief process. Remember everyone grieves differently and at different paces.

prayers to you and your family

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