Post # 1
Hey Bees, my family has just gone through a huge loss and I don’t know what to do.
Suddenly and shockingly, my younger sister lost her husband last night. 🙁 She’s been left with 3 children, no income and a house she can’t afford. They did have life insurance but it’s not going to financially help her beyond lessening the mortgage.
I’m just at a loss of what to do. I have no idea what to say or how to make her feel okay. I have no idea how to draw the line with the help – my Darling Husband says that we can pay the mortgage no biggie and wants to take over the kid’s school fees, but I know my sister and she’s going to push against the help.
Does anyone have any experience and pointers on what to do?
I don’t know why I’m posting this other than to get it off my chest. I held my husband very tight last night and I feel so awful that my sister has been dealt this hand.
Post # 2
She may push against your help, that’s what everyone’s first instinct is. But proceed to help anyway. Perhaps start a GoFundMe type page for help. I know those are kinda crappy but anything helps.
Post # 3
Oh no, that is so heartbreaking! I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. 🙁 Grieving is such a tough subject, everyone handles it differently. I would just be there for your sister and let her know you are willing to do whatever is needed for help. Don’t push, but of course make it known that you are serious about the help.
Sounds like she has an amazing sister and Brother-In-Law behind her, just keep being there for support, in any way she is comfortable.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2016 - Bell Tower on 34th
Kelly6871 : omg. I am so sorry for her and your loss. That is so sad and difficult.
I’ve been through a loss myself when I was kid that left my mom with 2 kids (including me) and no money as well. I think the best way to approach her with your such amazingly kind help would be to focus on her kids. To let her know that you and your husband love her kids and her and just want to help the kids and her make it through it. I think that is exactly what my mom would have wanted to hear. If she presses against you, you could just continue to offer to help the kids. A momma bear will always want to protect her kiddos.
I’m sure she is just in sheer shock. Blessings to your family and hers and she will be in my prayers. My condolences…
Post # 5
Kelly6871 : You and your entire family have my condolences. How shocking and awful.
I’m inclined to believe right now, she has NO idea what kind of help she’ll need. Its very kind and caring that you and your husband are thinking of these things. If the total sum of life insurance doesnt pay off the mortgage in its entirely, she may be better served using those monies elsewhere, especially if you can help her financially for awhile. Without an income of her own, chances are she will not qualify to do a refi for a reduced mortgage amount in her own name. Sadly, she may be faced with a house to sell. Time will tell, and once the funeral is over and the immediate moment has passed, she would be best served to talk with a financial planner or attorney, with some help/extra ears along with her.
Very best wishes to you all!
Post # 6
My best friend went through something similar recently when her sister passed away. She didn’t have life insurance at all, but also didn’t own a home. What her family did right away was start a trust fund for her children. People were very generous, and that fund is now covering things like dance and sports fees, school supplies, that sort of thing, for her kids. So, I’d suggest starting a GoFundMe or something similar. You’ll be surprised at the generosity of others in a tragedy.
Post # 7
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! A trust fund for the kids like someone mentioned might be good as she may be more likely to accept money for her kids than herself. Maybe also if it’s sort of a collective family thing, rather than her feeling indebted to a particular person?
As far as day to day help goes, I’ve heard from other people who have suffered losses that it’s really helpful if people have specific ideas on what they can do. As in, if you just ask ‘is there anything I can do to help?’ then the person has to decide what to ask you and they’ll probably just leave it, but if you ask ‘can I babysit the kids/bring you a meal/clean the house?’ then they can just say ‘yes’.
Post # 8
Kelly6871 : I’m so sorry for your sister and all of the family. Prayers are being offered. Good suggestions from PP.
Post # 9
First of all sorry for your loss. Second of all I’d go ahead and offer it and just be there physically so her and the kids know they have people to lean on. I’ve never been through this but I have taken many college classes on death,dying and grieving so from a scholarly point of view I’d say to be there b for her and the kids in whatever way they need but also allow yourself to go b through the grief process. Remember everyone grieves differently and at different paces.
prayers to you and your family