(Closed) Awful family/holiday issues– advice please

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Can I ask what it is exactly that your mom doesn’t like about your SO?

Post # 5
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, for holidays I would say you need to stick with your SO. If they don’t invite him, they’re not inviting you. Be a boxed set. See them at restaurants if you can’t have them over. But never abandon your SO if you want to keep him. 

Post # 6
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

🙁 I feel really bad for you – this must be very upsetting for you. 

 

If I was in your situation the first thing I would do is write a letter to my Mum and Dad. Be completely honest about how much her attitude is hurting you. Be very clear that SO isn’t going anywhere. Try not to sound like you’re attacking her but be firm in letting her know your SO isn’t going anywhere and that what she is putting you through is hurtful and selfish.

 

I really feel for you. Good luck.

Post # 7
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@anonybee87:  I was just trying to understand what he could have possibly done for your mom to not like him.

I would sit down with your parents and have a long talk about why exactly she doesn’t like that he does this activity.  If she is unwilling to even give him another chance, stick with him. Like you said, you guys are a unit and should be treated as such.

Post # 8
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

A target shooting sport… Ahhhh I see and I can understand why she doesn’t like that BUT its ridiculous that these “targets” mean more than her families happiness. 

 

Post # 11
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry…your mom doesn’t like your SO because he target shoots? That’s ridiculous. I’m surprised that your dad hasn’t told her how insane that makes her look and sound.

ETA: When you say targets, are you talking about a paper target/clay pigeon/etc. (which is what I assumed), or a live animal?

Post # 12
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Geez, I figured he smoked weed.  🙂

You and your parents both need to mature a little, I think.  They feel no pressure to accept him as long as you’re willing to leave him at home.  And you feel like you have to “make” them like him and invite them to their home.  Truth, as much as it might suck, is that they may never like him, and have every right to not invite him into their home.  You have every right to be upset about it, but can’t change it. 

Focus on the two of you.  Plan a nice holiday as a couple.  Cook a turkey breast and your favorite sides.  If your parents are sad you aren’t coming, you can politely let them know that you want to be able to spend the holidays with your boyfriend.  They have made it known they don’t want to invite him, so you’re celebrating together.  They’ll either invite him in the future to get you to come or get mad at you too.

Post # 13
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It depends…

Are these “targets” that your SO is shooting animals?

If your mom is an animal lover, I can so easily understand her dislike for him. I personally find animal hunting (especially for sport or for fun such as fox hunting) to be extremely distasteful…

If this is the case, I’m sorry… It would be very difficult to change her mind unless he stops….

 

 

Post # 14
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@almostmrsj:  I’m glad to know I’m not the only one whose brain went there Wink

@azzie17:  Target shooting usually doesn’t involve animals. I go target shooting with my SO all the time. When we go target shooting, we hang up paper bulls-eye targets and shoot at those.

@anonybee87:  I’m sorry to hear that your talk didn’t go well. Seems weird to me that someone could be so against a sport that they would put you in this situation. Maybe it is just the area in which I live. Everyone shoots around here.

Post # 15
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Your SO is your person and he comes first. It seems like no one will compromise here.

Yes, you’re sad to not be with your family, but he’s your family now. See your parents the day before or after, but it time to start some new traditions.

For the record- it’s absurd to me that your mom can’t sit down and eat a meal with someone based on not liking one thing about him. Very immature and I would not feed into it.

Post # 16
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@almostmrsj:  exactly what was going to say…

It doesn’t matter whether they invite him or not because you’re gonna visit them anyway so it’s really no skin off their back. 

Sure, you can tell them how you feel but what’s gonna happen if they still insist on not having him over?

The topic ‘Awful family/holiday issues– advice please’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors