(Closed) Awful in-laws?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2458 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Why do you still see her? Block her on Facebook, block her on your phone, don’t bother to go and see her.  Your DH can see her if he wants, but you and any future kids do not need to have a relationship with her.  It doesn’t sound like she brings anything good to your life, so why is she still part of it? If it was bad enough you had cops at your wedding, that’s plenty of grounds to cut her off completely.  Stop trying, stop buying her Christmas presents, drop the rope completely.

Post # 3
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Why is she still in your lives? If you’ve had to involve the cops, it’s beyond time to cut her out of your lives. No one needs toxic people in thier life.

Post # 6
Member
2458 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

She won’t stop.  And when you have kids, it will be 10000000000x worse, because she will teach them to treat you the same way as she does. Honestly, cutting her out realistically is your only option.  For better advice than mine, check out the DWIL board over at the baby centre website – they’ve seen it all and can predict what will happen with scary accuracy.  It might hurt your DH, but he doesn’t have to cut her out – although he should, as her treatment of you is inexcusable.

Post # 7
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

What does your husband say about this? Does he defend you? How does he feel about cutting her out? I think you need to have a serious conversation about this with your husband and together make a decision on whether or not she should be allowed to be in your lives.

Post # 10
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
DNKT22 :  

1. Block her on YOUR social media & YOUR phone.

2. Talk to your Fiance regarding bloking her out of your lives completely and if you both agree, do it. 

3. You can inform her that she is blocked and if she seeks help for her problems and appologizes for her behaviour.. she MAY be allowed back into your lives at some point in the future.  (You can ignore step 3 if you dont ever want her back)

4. If she starts up again upon returning back into you lives… cut her out for good.

Just because she is his mother doesnt not give her a free pass to be nasty and abusive to both of you. Life is too short for such toxic relationships..

Post # 11
Member
2756 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Take it from someone who had to cut off their own parents, you both need to cut her off indefinitely. 

Do no expose children to her if you have them. She will not change. Her behavior will not lessen by you avoiding it. Go to out of the fog forums or raised by narcissists. 

I can tell you right now to lookup grandparent rights in your area because, if you did want kids, you do not want to expose them to her and give her any semblance of a “case”. She sounds like the kind to go there. 

Document all harassment and report her to the cops if she comes by uninvited if necessary. Change emails, phone, block on Facebook, etc. Get your husband and yourself into a therapist that understands estrangement and toxic families/personality disorders.

Post # 12
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
DNKT22 : Whoa whoa whoa, someone made threatening comments to you and you still visited and gave gifts at Christmas?!?

I second KiwiDerbyBride , DWIL.  I’ve found it personally helpful for my inlaw issues.  And mostly, it’s taught me that you do not need to put up with creap from people because they’re FAMILY.  So don’t feel bad about wanting to cut off.  It’s healthy. And people like that do not change.

 

Post # 13
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m sorry but there is never EVER “no reason”.  It’s horrible that she’s treating you this way but to say there is no reason is lying to yourself.  Feel free to do whatever you need to do for yourself but allow your husband his own decisions.

Only go to DWIL if you are looking for somewhere you can demonize your family.  NO ONE there is supportive of being an adult and trying to actually understand the situation from everyone’s view point.  

Post # 14
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your inlaw is quite toxic and I’m afraid it won’t get better.  I think both of you need to sit down and see what exactly you want to do which may include cutting her off.  That decision must come from your husband however.  You are entitled to not have a relationship with her but he needs to come to that conclusion himself for his interaction with her without your coercion otherwise he may very well turn around and blame you leading to further relationship issues.  You guys also have to think what you plan on doing regarding children.  Children should not be used as pawns for adult issues so if her issue is only with you it’s an absolute myth that they will learn to disrespect you over how your inlaws treat you.  If anything they will distance from them the grandparents because they will not approve of them hurting you.  This has been the case with not only my husbands experience but support groups I’ve been in.  However the biggest danger is her harming your kids emotionally and if that’s the case both of you need to prioritize that issue to protect your children from physical, emotional or psychological harm.

Goid luck going through this, it’s not easy but once you both have a firm action based on what’s best for each person and the family you will end up more content, at peace and stronger.

Post # 15
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
DNKT22 :  My fiancé and I don’t have contact with his side of the family. His mom is a narcissist, his dad allows her to treat my fiancé like he’s worthless, and my fiancés sister defends her parents and their terrible behavior. 

They have done horrible things to him over the course of his life. In college, they threatened to stop helping with tuition if he dated anyone. They stole money from him to pay for their bills when they weren’t responsible enough with their own money. And when we went to tell them we were ring shopping and planning on getting engaged, they spent 2 hours telling my fiancé what a worthless and disappointing/terrible son he is.

That was the last time we saw them. We haven’t had contact with them for a little over a year, and it’s been one of the greatest things we’ve ever done. You don’t deserve to have people like that in your life, family or not. 

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