(Closed) awful in laws!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Honey, that’s not a problem with your in-laws, it’s a problem with your Fiance.  If his family says anything rude to you, his IMMEDIATE response should be, “Airmansprincess is going to be my wife, and I won’t let you speak to her like that.”  It’s just annoying if they’re poorly behaved and he sticks up for you, it’s a huge problem if their behavior is allowed.  Chances are very high that this will not change after the wedding, so you have to decide if this is something you can put up with.  Good luck.

Post # 4
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What Johnsbride09 said. Your fiance NEEDS to stick up for you!

Post # 5
624 posts
Busy bee

Yeah you have a Fiance problem, not an IL problem, although I don’t think it’s right for them to talk crap.  You should definitely have this taken care of before the wedding…I was in your shoes and would have called off the wedding had things not changed.  My Future Mother-In-Law was the same way, or so I thought.  She seemed to do a 180 after we talked about getting married and then becoming engaged.  But apparently she disliked me since before our first date so for almost 4 years she has hated me.  Nice.  You are becoming his wife and should be number 1.  My Future Mother-In-Law eventually “showed” herself, which helped my Fiance see the light in a tremendous way, for me but it takes a lot for me to trust.

Good luck.  Have you read “Toxic In-Laws”?  You might want to give it a shot.

Post # 6
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

You def need to get your Fiance in check. he needs to let his family know that this type of behavior is not acceptable.

@pendola — is Toxic In Laws a book that you can get at any old bookstore?

Post # 7
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Airmansprincess – I am with everyone else!

You need to sit your Fiance down and discuss this with him. On your wedding day YOU and HIM become a family and your ties become stronger than the ties with his family!

This is a big issue – you don’t want to live your life as second best!

Post # 8
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Woah, yeah… wifey comes before parents!

Just curious, what culture is your Fiance from? I know in the Chinese culture (I’m speaking China, not American Chinese; I don’t know much about that subculture) parents are considered ‘more important’ than a spouse, and most sons would choose their mother over their wife. There may be some cultural work at play!

Post # 9
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

im sorry your having to deal with all that 🙁

maybe just sit down with your guy and tell him how much it hurts, guys seem to respond better and listen more when the topic isnt brought up in the heat of the moment. i know im that way too if we sit down when we are both calm and not in the moment our communication goes so much better.

Post # 10
624 posts
Busy bee

STL- yes you should be able to get it anywhere, you might want to even check out your local library- ours didn’t have it so I just bought it off of amazon for like $10!

Post # 11
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

He definately needs to stick up for you and demand that they respect you and treat you right. Otherwise they will run all over you. This is the rest of your life you are talking about here. You need to have a talk with him so he can put his family in check.

Post # 12
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Yeah, you need to have a frank discussion with him. They’re a secondary problem. I see he is not around right now, but maybe put off wedding planning until you can talk this over, because this is NOT ok. Wives opinions > parents opinions when you’re getting married.

Best wishes to you!

Post # 13
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh my gosh thats horrible. I would talk to him also and tell him how it hurts you.

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