(Closed) Awful wedding experience, can't get over it, Vow renewal?

posted 5 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 47
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

ElleVee:  Sorry it was so awful! I say do a renewal but just go hubby and you – get a pretty white dress and a photographer the officiatnt at some super romantic place, maybe followed by a restaurant or a spa experience for you two. I would def not invte any family or fake friends!!!


So so sorry it went so bad… 🙁

Post # 49
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

So, I’m a tad confused why you’re SO devastated about this.  You wrote: “So we had our first dance, everyone ate, then the toasts”… then you go on to say after going to the washroom people started to leave.

Maybe I’m less sensitive to this than you, and I truly don’t mean to offend you with my opinion, but this exact thing happened at my wedding and it didn’t really bother me.  We had a 4pm ceremony and dinner started at 6.  We had the ceremony and reception in one location and guest rooms were in the same building.  The majority of both our extended families chose to drive 2 hrs home instead of staying in a room.  Fine.  I will also add I had lots of people popping in and out of my room while getting ready as well.  And while it was a tiny bit annoying I guess – especially when my aunt comes in gushing over my dress when we were trying to leave to get pictures done lol – it honestly does not bother me.  She was so happy it’s hard to be mad.

At the reception, my DH’s aunt, uncle, and grandmother (his ONLY grandparent there) left between the main course and dessert (around 7:00).  The speeches weren’t done and myself and Darling Husband didn’t even say our speech at that point.  I’ll admit this was strange but I just thought, oh well it is what it is.  But then dinner and speeches ended around 7:30 and a bunch more aunts and uncles informed us they were leaving (they had a long drive ahead of them, blah blah).  My grandmother and a few others immediately asked when the cake was going to be cut because they wanted to see that before they leave.  So we cut the cake around 8:00 and a bunch more people left.  By the time we were done our first dance and kicked off the dance/party portion of the reception (before 9:00 might I add!) we had less than half our guests left (and we only invited 50 guests so this was like 20 people at the most).  By 10:00 there were maybe 12 of us “younger” people to party until 2am.

I loved every minute of my wedding and reception.  To those who left early, it’s their loss.  They all ate the dinner we paid for, so nothing went to waste.  We also decided against hiring a DJ which I’m so happy about since we didn’t have the crowd for a big dance anyway.  Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, and I married the love of my life!  There were so many more amazing wonderful parts of our wedding that those are what I remember.  The best parts completely overshadow anything negative that might have happened.

I really hope you can try to take a different attitude about it and move on.  I really don’t get why this is eating you up inside.  People are selfish.  Maybe I just expected it from mine and DH’s families so I was prepared for it?  Lol because let me tell you, after being with my Darling Husband for 8 years already I know these poeple.

I’m sure your day was lovely.  Please try to focus on the positives and not the negatives!

Post # 50
640 posts
Busy bee

It’s only been a month so obviously your feelings are still raw.  I haven’t had my wedding yet so I can only speculate on how you’re feeling, but here’s how I see some of the issues you had.  Obviously there’s nothing that can be done now but maybe seeing things from another point of view can help you get past this.

I have been to several afternoon weddings and they have a completely different vibe than evening weddings.  The last wedding I was at which was an afternoon wedding on a Sunday (was yours on a Sunday?) was very low key.  The couple had a DJ and was trying to get everyone up to dance, but no one really did, including me.  Dancing and daytime don’t mix for some reason (not for everyone but I think for a lot of people); the afternoon (IMO) doesn’t have the same party atmosphere than an evening does.

You said everyone was trying to see you while you were in the bridal room and you wanted to surprise everyone with your entrance.  Well, did you put someone in charge of keeping everyone out?  At most weddings I’ve been at, the guests try to see the bride before the ceremony and give her their well wishes because they know once everything starts the bride is going to be too busy to see everyone.  Plus, it gives them a chance to see you up close too.  I don’t think that’s such a big deal but maybe it’s just me.  As you said, they weren’t mind readers so to just expect them to not want to see you is a little selfish.

The monogramed coffee mugs — were they monogramed with your and your husband’s initials?  If they were, I wouldn’t think to take one either – why would I want a coffee mug with someone else’s initials?  I think most favors are a waste of money and I wouldn’t be surprised if your guests thought they were your mugs, not theirs for favors.

Leaving and changing into your get away outfit — the only time I’ve actually seen a bride do this is in the movie Father of the Bride.  I don’t understand the dramatic goodbye – it’s not something that’s common around me.  If you left the reception for a half hour, I would assume you left for good and it was over.  Did the DJ announce you were going to change so everyone could say goodbye?  How would your guests know that?

If you want a vow renewal, just have it be you and your husband.  If I received an invitation to one, honestly, I wouldn’t go unless it was a milestone anniversary.

Did you not serve alcohol at your reception?  It would make sense that people left the reception to go back to the hotel if alcohol wasn’t served.

I’m sorry you don’t have a lot of fond memories but you said yourself the most important thing is that you are now married!  Maybe as time goes on you’ll be able to see the good things and not just the bad.

Post # 51
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m really sorry that happened and unfortunately I don’t think a do over would go better, short of you getting a whole new family. You’re married, I’m sure it was beautiful- success.

Post # 52
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Our entire wedding experience, from proposal to wedding night, was just awful. I was haunted by it for a long time. We are renewing our vows with my family because our elopement hurt them deeply. I hope it will be wonderful.

Go ahead and renew your vows with just your husband if that will make you feel better.

Post # 53
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

It is lousy that people left, without talking to you, they were hurtful. But you have to go on regardless, and focus on the good things. The biggest and best good thing, the reason for all of it, is you are married to your husband!

Pick out a few, as many as possible, good things about the day, and focus on them, to the exclusion of things that were not good. How beautiful a centerpiece looked, a look on someone’s face, anything, as long as it is positive.

It wouldn’t be a do-over, or a vow renewal, if you and hubby and a photog get together for a personal ceremony. Do it, if it will make you happy.

Post # 54
23 posts
  • Wedding: September 2016


I know this is 5 months later, but I’m so sorry you didn’t enjoy your wedding. I hope you’re feeling better about it now. I think if you’re still feeling bad about it by now, you and your husband should defeniltely do a vow renewal with just the two of you. I think it would give you a fresh start. The important part is still there. You got to marry your best friend, but, maybe having a  happy wedding would be a new beginning for both of you.


Post # 55
931 posts
Busy bee

ElleVee:  I think if you and your husband want to do a special and intimate vow renewal to create a beautiful memory-go for it! 

Im sorry your wedding was crappy. Try to focus on the wonderful fact you have committed your life to your husband instead of the wedding.


Post # 56
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Every wedding day has dissapointments, no shows and things going wrong. Try not to dwell on it too much, though I understand how frustrating it is, the end result is the same and that’s that you married the man you love. Im a wedding photographer so I see a lot of what goes on behind the scenes and most of the time the bride is very stressed and something goes wrong, most of the time they are nervous walking down the aisle etc. One wedding was held at a place with an inn on site and so many people left to go to their hotel rooms, it’s disappointing that people act that way but unfortunately it happens quite a bit. If you really think a vow renewal is what you need then go for it but maybe let your feelings settle first. You had your day and you said your vows, just try to move past your feelings about what went wrong and later on if you still feel you want a private renewal to focus on your vows then go for it!  

Post # 60
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If you don’t want to read comments you don’t like, don’t post anything, ever, on the internet. 

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