(Closed) Awful wedding experience, can't get over it, Vow renewal?

posted 5 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 62
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If it makes you feel any better my first wedding was awful too.  Here’s just a few highlights of how terrible it was:

The cake flavor was completely wrong and we ended up with gigantic spice cake for an outdoor wedding in Houston in early September.  It didn’t even have any filling to offset the taste.  I heard several guests asking each other what was up with the cake flavor and saying it tasted like a holiday fruit cake.

I was two months pregnant on my wedding day and morning sickness had set in big time.  I didn’t stop throwing up until about 6 o’clock that evening and then was too exhausted to enjoy anything and remember feeling so dizzy and weak at the altar I thought I would faint.

My (now) ex-husband’s idiot cousin who is a cop brought her gun to our church wedding and kept telling everyone loudly and obnoxiously to stay away from her bag because her gun was in there.

My hair looked horrible and I still regret to this day that I didn’t just take it all down and wash/blowdry it when I still had time before I had to leave to the church.  I didn’t do any kind of hair trial with the lady that did my hair or even be very clear with her about what I wanted…big mistake!  Not to mention the smell of the curling iron/hairspray was overwhelming to me and I felt so sick while getting my hair done.

I’m not a dancer, I have no rhythm and I’m very self concious while trying to dance.  I married into a family that were party animals who all loved to get drunk and dance the night away.  At the wedding I was pressured to dance over and over again.  The worst part was every single person there big and small old and young had rhythm and good dance moves except for me and my family members.  My ex-SIL was like nine months pregnant with a huge belly just busting awesome moves and I was two months pregnant, hot, red in the face, dead tired and sick barely managing to sway side to side awkwardly.

When it was time to go home after I had to force ex-husband to leave because he had it in his head that we were going to party till 4 a.m. with his family and friends (my own family and friends had been gone for a couple of hours at this point) he broke it to me that he forgot to drop off one of our vehicles at the reception site earlier in the day, even though that had been the only thing he had to do all day besides getting dressed.  We were gifted a limo to take us from the church to the reception but the limo left as soon as it dropped us off.  We had no way home and everyone still at the reception was totally smashed.  His only sober groomsman had to drive us home in his beat up car and one of his tires went flat on the way.  So there I was in my big poofy wedding dress crammed into this dude’s backseat at like 1 a.m. while they changed the tire…just the glamorous getaway I always envisioned…not!

I won’t even get into all the ways my ex-SIL railroaded my wedding.  Most of that was my fault for not being assertive and standing up to her.  Ex-husband was a dud in every sense of the word aside from giving me my two beautiful children so I like to think of my wedding day as foreshadowing for our terrible marriage, lol.

 

Post # 63
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

You can’t control if people are going to be on time, but you chose to postpone your showtime. You can’t control if people are going to leave early. That’s their right. But you’re the one who chooses how to feel about it. Some people genuinely don’t like going out. Some people genuinely don’t like weddings. Some people also don’t feel like drinking and dancing at 4 PM.

You’re taking this a little too personally, I think.

I also think you had these very rigid expectations, and you were distracted from the moment because a few things didn’t go the way you expected. I really think you need to talk to a counselor or therapist about your resentments.

 

Post # 64
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee

ElleVee:  I went through some of the feelings you’re going through.  I put up a post just like this.  Except I got a lot of support and encouragement to do a Vow renewal and have an experience with more of my needs in mind.

For awhile my husband and I talked and light heartedly planned what we would do.

By 6 months maybe, I was over it.  I had made my peace.  I let go of what hurt about our wedding day and really was able to see what went well and why I loved our wedding.  And now, I’d say it was perfect. 

We also, did a fun quickie vow renewal in vegas on our 1yr.  We did the vegas drive thru wedding chapel. 

So, my 2cents is to give yourself permission to do whatever you feel like you need to do.  Even if some bees disagree.  Plan if you want.  Have a vow renewal if you want.  Change your mind if you want.  Just know you’re not alone!

Post # 67
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This post is absolutely devastating – my heart breaks for you. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling and you are 100% justified to feel how you do – angry, upset, and sensitive about your parents’ time and money. I personally don’t believe there is any acceptable excuse for what your guests did, and I hope that you and your husband can find a way to bury the memory of the bad parts of the day, focus on the good, and more importantly – focus on your future together. If that were me, I would take a nice week or 2 week honeymoon and say our vows again on some beautiful Mexican beach – alone! Sending you hugs from New Husband xo

Post # 68
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

Aw man, sorry your wedding went so badly. I’m glad you and your husband are working through it, though. That it has brought you closer is wonderful and maybe (hopefully) when you look back you may see that it turned out for the best, and hopefully the pain turns into a funny memory you just shake your head at. I am sorry your parents spent all that money and that you feel bad about, but they did what they did out of love and they obviously felt you were worth it. Take it as a sign of how much they love you!

As for the colors and songs reminding you of your experience, it may be time to have a “come to Jesus” meeting with your brain. I did, when songs kept reminding me of my ex and made me turn off the radio all the time. I decided I didn’t want him to have any more control of my emotions then he already did and said, “Brain, that guy was the King of Douchebags and we do not want him ruling over the vast and great Kingdom known as Our Feelings. We will usurp his diabolical reign by reminding ourselves that we loved those songs first, dammit, and he can piss off!”

That got a little schizo-y at the end, but I think my point was that we have much more say in our feelings than we realize and I’m confident you’ll be able to manage them after a time of mourning. Don’t let this experience ruin any more things you love!

Post # 71
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

ElleVee:  I’m sorry.  I understand how you feel.  I can tell you many things in my wedding didn’t go as planned. 

Both my BM’s had a stomach virus and had diarrhea (I took at trip to the pharmacy get some over the counter stuff, my Maid/Matron of Honor got a black eye a few days before the wedding (it was covered by make- up but you can still notice it in the pics lol), the only fresh flowers I got were for the bridal party bouquets – which the florist got wrong (I wanted different flowers for the wedding party we all got the same), my brother had a HUGE cold sore right above his lip (covered my make up but it’s in the pics), my make-up person arrived an hour late and alone – there were six people.  As a result, the ceremony was delayed an hour, I didn’t get any pics of me getting into my dress (I rushed to get it on), and I had to pay my photographer an extra $300+ to stay late to get in all the pics after the ceremony.  I was lucky that family and friends were all great.

Was I diassapointed, yes.  I’m not a bridezilla at all.  I didn’t expect it to be perfect but I didn’t expect all that lol   Even though there were lots of things that I loved about the day of, I have found it hard to deal with.  I was pre-occupied with some of this stuff on my wedding day which took away from enjoying some of it but I did my best.  I don’t really think my wedding was bad just not exactly what I was hoping for.  In other ways it was better than I expected.  I don’t think ours is an uncommon experience.  This helped me a lot.

http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/06/how-to-get-over-wedding-disappointment/

Post # 73
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ugh. I feel for you. 

But I hope you can see it this way — there are millions of couples out there who had seamless, flawlessm perfect wedding days. But they are unhappy. Spouses cheat, couples are incompatible from the beginning, brides/grooms go through the motions of the wedding because they’re afraid of letting people down. You have the opposite of this: a happy marriage, and that’s worth a ZILLION times more than a perfect wedding day. It’s a shame that your wedding wasn’t a celebration of the love you have for your husband, but lucky you — you get to celebrate it every day for the rest of your life! What’s a few unpleasant hours compared to FOREVER? 

*hugs* 

Post # 74
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Hey! I’m so sorry to hear about your terrible experience. Mine was really awful too. I hate it when everyone says your wedding day is the best day of your life, because it just feels like a huge slap in the face. I even came on this blog just to find hope for getting over my terrible wedding. It’s been 6 months and I’m still struggling to get past the disappointment of my wedding day.

The photographer was late, took sloppy, haphazard pictures and completely missed the sunset on the beach. On top of that, he was my husband’s cousin-in-law but was still trying to extort extra money out of him 2 hours before the wedding was supposed to start. After spending over a month’s salary and 10 months trying to buy or make 4 different dresses, I hated the one I ended up wearing. The wedding planners were deplorable – the decorations were hours late and guests drove over 2 hours to get to the venuejust to leave without even a glass of water to drink because of the lack of catering. Of course, there was no dancing and very few pictures because the guests were too tired and had headaches from not eating so they left very soon after it was done. And these were just the big stuff … let’s not even get into the lack of coordination for signing the guest book, the wedding souvenirs that never got distributed and the piles of worship song lyrics that were left on the table while everyon cluelessly mouthed the words. I had also gone from store to store to find burnt orange and teal highlighters so guests could highlight their favourite bible verse … but the planners forgot the bible in the villa!!

I’m sick and tired of being disappointed and sad and embarrassed about having such poor memories of a precious day I will never get back 🙁

To make it worse, the honeymoon had its own challenges. After reeling from the painful disappointment of my wedding, I had vaginismus and we didn’t actually get to consummate the marriage until after the honeymoon was done. I was a virgin, so breaking through vaginismus was a traumatic, excruciating, painful process. On top of that, we broke our bank account booking a lush package at an all-inclusive resortwhich included watersports – but it rained cats and dogs the whole time. So no sex indoors, and no watersports outdoors. The only thing I could hang on to was the all-you-can-eat seafood :/

If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone. I’ll keep you in my prayers while I’m praying for my own healing from this disappointment. I suggest planning a small re-do or vow renewal – I’m going turn my 30th birthday later this year into a faux wedding bonanza with my closest friends and dance up a storm 🙂

 

 

Post # 75
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’m so sorry!  I already have a little anxiety wondering if people will stay long enough at my wedding or just leave and my parents end up on the hook for tons of food and alcohol.  I’m also self conscious that it will be embarassing if no one WANTS to stay and have fun with me.  I think all brides fear this a little and I’m so sorry it became reality for you.  Surely there was some confusion as to why everyone left.  I would hope it wasn’t truly just complete inconsideration and rudeness from family and close friends.  Regardless, doesn’t change how you feel about your big day.  At least you can relish in having a wonderful husband now.  Sounds like the two of you need a nice romantic getaway.

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