Post # 1
So… one of my bridesmaids is from a different state as me. I happen to be from an area where weddings are HUGE glitzy affiars. Everything is over the top. After being here and lurking all the forums and reading magazines I have learned that this is not the case everywhere. Pople play mini golf, have outdoor picnic weddings, and all sorts of things that would be considered things you would do for a birthday party and absolutely nothing that would be done for a wedding where i live. To each their own though. Have the wedding you want and the wedding you love! I’m not judging. Unfortunately my friend/bridesmaid is; without knowing it though. She recently posted on facebook ” I dont understand big fancy weddings it’s a waste of money and time and nobody wants to go to something so stuffy!” Several of her friends liked her status and aggreed and egged her on about it. There was this long conversation on how stupid big lavish weddings are. Ummmmm i will be having a big lavish wedding…. Her wedding was completely opposite of what i will be having. She had a great time at her wedding though. She loved it. Pople came in shorts and tshirts and food and drink were served on plastic plates and cups. Where i’m from that’s considered the ulitmate in nono. But she’s from this other state and it’s the norm there. Her wedding wasn’t my cup of tea but she had a blast. and isn’t that what it’s about? Having the best time at your wedding? But now i’m just a little nervous that she’ll judge me based on or weddings… We have a full hour for cocktail hour where there will be passed hors d’oevres and about 13 different stations. then a full sit down dinner will take place with an intermezzo. then we’ll have an additional hour for viennese hour. For comparison, her cocktail hour consisted of 20 minutes and ritz crackers and stale cheese thrown in a vase (it was 90 degreed and there was no AC) the dinner was a buffet style (nothing against this) served on plastic plates with plastic cups and cutlery. Very informal. Again, i have nothing against informal weddings, if you want to do that then i think you should. Everyone should have the wedding they want and the wedding that makes them happy. But i’m just a little annoyed and nervous I guess after reading what my friend wrote. I dont think she even knows thats the kind of wedding we’re having…
Post # 2
She judged you on facebook, you’re judging her here. Enjoy your wedding. If her comments bother you that much, confront her about it.
Post # 3
Sounds like your bridesmaid isn’t the only one being a little judgy.
Post # 4
daniellemc: I am sure your friend is capable of adapting to your style of wedding.
Post # 5
Horseradish, i’m not trying to be a little judgy. I’m just trying to explain the differences in the weddings. I was just a little hurt i guess that she and her and friends would say mean things about weddings they haven’t even been to. I didn’t openly judge her wedding to anyone but on here. She thinks i had a great time at her wedding and thats exactly what i want her to think. It’s all about having the wedding you want, she got that and i’m thrilled for her. She really had a wonderful time. And like i said that’s what it’s about, havinga great time at the most important day of your life. Sorry if i offended anyone. That wasn’t my intention.
Post # 6
If she doesn’t know that’s the kind of wedding you are having, that post wasn’t about you. Don’t take it personally.
Post # 7
We are electing to have a simple wedding, but I had the best time at my friend’s large, magnificent wedding. Maybe she doesn’t like lavish weddings in general, but I’m sure she will love your wedding because it is YOUR wedding.
Post # 8
daniellemc: you both sound a little judgy.
Post # 9
daniellemc: maybe your friend also did not intend to sound judgmental or hurt your feelings.
Post # 10
daniellemc: First PPs need to chill out, there was nothing judgemental about your post, you simply described your friend’s wedding.
Second, your friend absolutely committed a facebook faux pas, you shouldn’t ever criticize something general like a wedding style in a public forum. It’s entirely possible that your friend had just watched one of those million dollar wedding tv shows and was referring to that, but fact is she probably, hopefully inadvertently, offended a number of people. I think the best way to handle facebook is to assume nobody is referring to you.
I’m guessing your friend is one of your best friends as she’s going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. A good friend will support your wedding-planning choices regardless of whether she agress with them or not, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Of course if she’s a loud, opinionated, abrasive person who thinks her way is the only way then I might consider not asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but that’d be more because I’m not a huge fan of loud, opinionated, abrasive people 😉
Post # 11
You will be judged no matter what. Don’t let it bother you because everyone has an opinion just as you have one about her day. It wasn’t your cup of tea but you went and you enjoyed it to make the bride happy. You said nothing to hurt her feelings and you should expect the same from her. If she doesn’t know you are having a lavish party than maybe she was not talking in reference to your wedding. As mentioned in the PP if it bothers you talk to her but honestly i wouldn’t even bring it up. It’s kind of childish when you think about it. Just imagine the conversation that you will have and it all will stem from some social media post. So what if she doesn’t understand not everyone will.
Post # 12
daniellemc: It’s OK that the kind of wedding she had is not your thing. Likewise, it’s OK if the kind of wedding you have is not her thing. Be appreciative that she’s willing to step up and be your bridesmaid even though she doesn’t even like the kind of wedding you’re having. That says a lot as a friend.
Post # 13
My thoughts are similar to your friends I guess, in that my wedding is also going to be super casual. But I would never post something like that and I think lavish weddings are fabulous! Just not for me. As PP’s have said, if she knew your wedding will be like that, she probably wouldn’t have said.
Oh and I agree with the poster below me, I didn’t think you were coming across as judgy at all.
Post # 14
Ugh. Rolling my eyes at all the PPs who jumped so quickly on calling you judgy. If anything, it read as you being extra careful to not come off as such.
The thing is, FB is not real life, let it go. But, My only concern would be if she’s already agreed on being your bridesmaid, but hasn’t a clue of the formal level of your wedding, how is she going to feel about the financial aspect of it? That might be something you want to clear up right away. She might be expecting to wear a casual dress and you want them in gowns. (Just assuming based on the description of your wedding style)
Post # 15
Geesh. I didn’t realize we have such a divide between states about weddings. Sounds like Civil War II is brewing…