Post # 1
I would really appreciate some guidance with this one!
We just received a request from one of our wedding guests. He and his wife were invited to the wedding, but his wife’s best friend just got engaged and picked the day before our wedding in another state as her big day. He told me that the plan was for the wife to attend that wedding and for him to attend ours… but he wants to bring his mother as his date.
Background… He’s not a super close friend (have only known him two years) and neither my fiance nor myself know his mother at all. We are very constrained for space and numbers, and the price per head cost is quite high. I don’t want to be rude or hurt his feelings, but my fiance and I, and my parents who are paying for the wedding, are not very excited about the idea of a stranger taking up a spot that could be used for a friend.
I don’t want to sound mean at all, but also, a fair amount of my single friends aren’t bringing dates to help us witht he numbers, so this really feels unfair. I truly don’t know what the appropriate response should be and would really appreciate any guidance I can get!
Post # 3
“I’m so sorry, Brian, but we invited you and Nancy specifically because we know and love you both. If Nancy can’t come, we’ll definitely miss her, but we’d prefer to keep the guest list to only those we know.”
Post # 4
@sundaymonkey: invitations are non transferable. if you invited mr and mrs smith, and mrs smith can’t come, ms jones can’t come in her place.
Post # 5
Could you just tell him that you feel bad that he would have to split from his wife to attend 2 weddings and you’re 100% OK with him not attending your wedding so he can go to the other wedding with his wife? If he’s not that close to you, then him not attending your wedding shouldn’t be a huge deal.
Post # 6
What a weird request. I would tell him a combination of what peachacid and FiaonneCake suggested.
“We invited you as a couple as we know and love you both and we really want to keep the guest list to people we know. We will of course understand if you choose to attend the other wedding with your wife. Please let us know and take care!”
Post # 7
@sundaymonkey: Just make a point of saying that the venue space is extremely limited, and while you would have loved to have both him and Nancy attend, if she is unable to go, you have other friends and family who you need to invite in her stead…and that you hope he understands and that you look forward to seeing him at the wedding.
Post # 8
@sundaymonkey: it’s ok to say no I guess. It was also very respectful of him to ask you in advance instead of randomly showing up with someone else and saying “hey, you had 2 seats reserved for me anyway”. I don’t know. Whatever works best for your budget. But be tactful about it because as I mentioned before it was very nice of him to ask you first.
Post # 9
@sundaymonkey: My thing is, he probably wants someone he knows well enough to sit with/talk to. if you don’t know him super well, do any of your other guests? would he feel comfortable walking around just him?
I’d let him bring a date.
Post # 10
Hi all, Thanks for the feedback so far!
I tried the “we’d feel bad to make you and your wife split for the weddings” approach, but it backfired, as the wedding she is attending is the day before ours, which is a Friday, so the husband can’t attend because he needs to work.
I haven’t responded to that yet. We’re from a small town, so he will know more of the wedding guests than many of our out of town relatives will, so I’m not worried about him lacking anyone he knows to have fun with…
I think my next response will be more along the lines of the suggested “we’d like to keep this to people we know” approach.
Thanks again for the help with this sticky situation!