- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I think that since they’re his parents there’s not much you can or should do. Let him handle it the way he feels best.
Do nothing and say nothing at all. Nothing. Plan as though you will not receive anymore money from them. If you do receive the rest, then it’s gravy.
I had a similar issue with my MIL. She offered to give us money to put toward our wedding, but months passed without a word and I had to awkwardly try to budget things without knowing if we would get anything or not. I was completely fine if we didn’t, it’s just hard to plan/budget without knowing!
I don’t have much advice for you… DH just kept casually and politely bringing it up until she had figured out what she could financially offer. I think it might be awkward for you to ask them (unless you’re suuuuuper close with them), so I’d just keep reminding your hubby to be the one to bring it up.
Wait, has the wedding already happened? If not, your man can reason that you guys need to know for budgeting. But if it has, I don’t know… that might be kinda iffy to request more money for an event that’s already passed?
@hisprettygirl: eek. id find it hard to ask too, and it would be better if he could bring it up…or it would be a bit awkward. If your fi doesnt talk to them, id proceed as if you didnt have the money and fit your wedding to that budget…and maybe have a list of “extras” that you would get if they did give the money after all!
financial questions are *so* awkward. my parents said many times they wanted to give me money for the wedding and to let me know when i wanted it, but even then, when i was writing up my budget i still felt really embarrassed to ask “how much are you offering”
EDIT – oh i didnt realise wedding had already happened. if was in the future then fair enough, but seems a bit odd to ask for money post-event
After the wedding? I wouldn’t say a thing.
Unfortunately, I think it’s time to let it go. They probably either weren’t going to, or they forgot, but either way, bringing it up is rude, too. 🙁
I agree with the others – you will probably have to let that one go.
I wouldn’t have brought it up again before the wedding, but I certainly wouldn’t mention it now that the wedding is over.
I would plan as if you have no more money coming from anyone.
I agree with PPs that say that now that the wedding is over, the ship has sailed. If they give you a big check again later, you can choose to accept it graciously, but having FI bring it up would be a no-go for me. I’d just take the cost and roll with it.
ETA- Did they make this promise to both of you or to your SO? And was it a promised amount or just ‘”help”? How’d the check get delivered? Finances are sensitive, obviously, and maybe your FI isn’t bringing it up with them because he knows something got mixed up in the communications and doesn’t want to ask them for more when this is all they planned to / wan to / can give you guys. No matter what, I still think that it’s just a loss now, but maybe talking with FI to clear it up between you two will help you guys just settle it. I wouldn’t bring it up to the ILs, however.
While his parents did offer to give you x amount and since thus far have only given you 1/3, I think you should just take it and leave it. Money is a sticky situation, esp considering they’re not your parents. Don’t want something messing up your relationship with thim or how they view you. You should just rebudget your wedding and do what you and your fiance can afford. If somewhere down the line they give you more or the rest 2/3, that could just be bonus money.
My fiance and I are planning our wedding as if no one is paying for it, so any money we do get it a happy surprise.
You’re all so right – this is such a sticky situation.
Yes, the wedding has passed. Many months ago, they initially offered the amount they gave us with the check. Then his parents 1. Found out how much mine were contributing and bumped up their amount, and 2. Invited people (without our consent) to the wedding and offered to pay their way if they came (they said they were invited to be polite and they wouldn’t show up, but about 8 did).
The money they gave us was a check they put in their wedding card. We opened the cards and gifts at a family party the day after the wedding, and there was a big family crowd around, so obviously we didn’t bring up the issue – I genuinely thought it was either a gift in addition to their amount or it was a portion of the money.
All in all, our budget was designed keeping in mind what our parents were contributing. Also, I lost my job in May, so though we’re financially stable now, we’re not exactly well off by any means. That money does make quite a difference.
I definitely wouldn’t be the one to bring it up to them – my husband would. But it’s even a sticky situation to ask him about it, since he’s such a people-pleaser who avoids confrontation, and he already had a hard time confronting his parents when they wanted to invite even more people than those I described above.
I have to also keep in mind that we had to change our wedding venue to a much more expensive option because his parents invited many more people than we were expecting.
I just read your post about losing your job (sorry – that sucks!). However, I agree with PP that since the wedding has come and gone, you should not ask for the money. Sorry. Yes, it sucks that they upped the price of your wedding by inviting extra guests, but at this point, the boat has sailed.
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