- 9 years ago
When I got engaged over the holidays, I drafted a few friends to lend their talents to my ultra-budget wedding. One friend has been cutting my hair for about a year– an easy job since I just get my long, straight hair trimmed at the bottom. I’ve never felt she "gets" my hair type, which is kind of opposite of hers (that’s her job, I know, but that’s just my feeling based on the products and post-cut styling methods she’s used). But I was in budget mode and asked if she would do my wedding hair as her wedding gift. She of course said yes, and I happily crossed that off the to-do list.
Months later, I’ve taken some extra work opportunities and have a little more money to play with for the wedding. Basically, I’m caring a lot more about (and having a lot of fun with!) all the little details than I thought I would. It had started to cross my mind that my stylist friend would not be my choice at this point–she is very talented but seems to do best with people whose hair and taste are similar to hers (not me!)… Plus, she now works out of her home, and I would miss out on the real salon experience– the shampooing, products, etc. at your disposal in a proper salon vs. the limits of my friend’s tiny bathroom. (once again, something I didn’t think I’d care about but do now)
Yesterday, we did my practice hair run for the big day next month. She only spent about 10 minutes on it (of course she would take her time on the big day, but…) and it did not look much like the multiple photos I showed her, or capture the look I’m going for. The photo hair was loose, soft, low, old-fashioned; my trial hair was tight, sprayed crispy, high, very modern. She was very good about saying "this is a blueprint," and asking me to tell her exactly what I would do differently. She took notes as I described the changes I would make (sort of sheepishly, though– I am NOT good at being direct when I’m worried about someone’s feelings), and she definitely wants me to be happy.
My big concern is actually that she isn’t sure HOW to achieve what I want. The main photo I provided is of an actress with the same hair type/color/length as me (even the same face shape and neckline on the dress!), so I know it’s not that I just don’t have the right hair for the style. Also, it is not an intricate design or style. However, it’s not a common "up-do" style and I’m sure has unique challenges stylists don’t face every day. I should add that she cuts/colors hair for a living, but I don’t know how much she’s done in the way of special occasion hair-dos.
The possibility that I will be unhappy with my hair on wedding day is causing me a bit of anxiety. I don’t want to tell my friend that I don’t trust her skills; she was generous to contribute this to my wedding, wants to please me and takes pride in being involved. She is quite sensitive and actually told other friends she was hurt when I got my hair cut elsewhere once. But I’ve worked so hard on everything… When you think about it, hair sounds like a detail but is actually a HUGE thing, in terms of feeling like yourself, looking your best in photos and being comfortable.My friend did not offer to do another practice run, though I suppose I could ask. It’s entirely possible that she’s fully capable of taking my comments to heart and getting it right the second time and then repeating it on wedding day. However, if the second trial flopped, it seems things would be all the more awkward.
If I book another stylist (I already know who this would be), I thought I might frame it to my friend as an effort to make sure that a close friend is not involved in something that could cause tension in a personal relationship on my wedding day (it’s true that I recently applied this to another situation– a friend had planned to do my flowers but was high-stressing… so I found an affordable florist and called it a day).
Bottom line: My friend has planned for months on donating my hair-do, but she would not be my hair choice at this point. I can afford to pay someone confident in delivering the style I want, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings, infuse my wedding with drama or live with the chip I believe she will have on her shoulder if I jump ship. What should I do?
I should add that she is not just a casual pal but part of my most intimate circle of friends; while she and I aren’t *extremely* close, we speak often and share very close friends.