(Closed) Awkward. He thinks I’ve only had one partner

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 34
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@CurlyWurly: if you promised each other to never speak of numbers, than this may have been his way of fishing to see what your number really was.  by just assuming it was 1, he probably expected you to correct him if it wasn’t.

Post # 35
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@CurlyWurly: I have diffferent lists-  ” the BJ list, the full monty list, the dated but never slept with list, the married to and did really really kinky things list- (they dont count- it was a husband after all).   But Im stickin to the “Hadnt been there etc”

 

Post # 36
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@CurlyWurly: DH has no idea how many people I’ve slept with either–he likes to pretend it’s just two (him and my only other serious boyfriend). He adamantly does NOT want to know the real number, so I don’t think i t’s necessary to make a big deal out of telling him. Sounds like your Fiance also doesn’t reeeally want to know, so I would just leave it alone.

Post # 37
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I honestly do not see what this disclosure would do for your relationship or your marriage.  You didn’t lie to him.  Unless either of you have had some kind of positive STD testing then I say all signs point to a go.

I really don’t think just because you are marrying someone you need to tell them every detail in your past unless it positively affects your future.

Now if you slept with one of these dudes while you were with your Fiance, different story.  But this is just a moot point.

Post # 38
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@CurlyWurly: Reducing numbers is still a lie. I was brutally honest.

Post # 39
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

this is a fight waiting to happen.   As far as I am concerned what’s in the past can stay in the past. But if he comes out and asks how many men you’ve slept with, be honest. I would add to that answer that if he wants to know how many men you heen in love with, tell him just one.

Post # 40
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sooo don’t tell he’s already expressed his desire to like you innocent to destroy that intentionally to me sounds silly. I don’t advocate lying if asked but he really doesn’t need to know.

Post # 41
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

I really don’t understand why discussing sexual history seems to be so “awkward” and taboo on here. My SO and I have had many conversations about past partners and I think we know each other better for it. You are marrying this guy – these kind of things should be openly laid out if you ask me.

Post # 42
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

I would keep quiet- no need to bring this up again.

Post # 44
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Since you guys had already decided to not discuss your numbers, I would jsut leave it alone and not worry about it.  No reason to bring it up now and possibly cause a fight

Post # 45
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Dollygold: I totally agree, Dollygold.

 

@MrsSl82be: There was no agreement to not discuss numbers, was there? From OP’s posts it was just something that never came up explicitly. Except then it did come up…

I don’t see why telling the truth about one’s sexual past should cause a fight. Especially since it sounds like he’s had multiple partners. It would be pretty hypocritical and sexist of him to get upset about her past.

Post # 46
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I get the feeling he was fishing for your real “number” by saying you had only had 1 other partner! I’m in an up front relationship & I couldn’t imagine him not knowing my “number” I would totally tell him, you might as well get it out in the open while your not married to avoid later marriage problems! It’s your relationship though & only you know yourself, and your Fiance. Good luck. 🙂

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