(Closed) Awkward. He thinks I’ve only had one partner

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 62
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hmm…I am on the fence about this. I think if you brought it up out of context (without it being a topic of conversation) it would be strange…and would just lead to a lot of questions/curiosity. If he’s like my Fiance he’d start thinking about why you kept it from him, why it was bothering you, WHO the guy(s) was, etc.

But if it’s really bothering you then it’s better to get it off your chest and just be in the clear about it. I guess it sort of depends on your relationship with him and how you think he’ll react. Will he be upset that you had the opportunity to mention it/bring it up, and wonder why you brought it up now — especially if it’s a nonissue as you say?

Post # 63
206 posts
Helper bee

@MELIS5A: “what good does knowing “his number” do for you?”

Well, for starters I’m not ever put in a position where I am forced to lie to the person who knows me best like you or the OP.

What does not knowing do for you? Or him for that matter? Ouright lying about your number when asked isn’t a little white lie in my books. It’s borderline devious if you plan to spend the rest of your life with that person. Personally, I had fun discussing past sexual experiences with my Fiance when we had that chat – there are some good stories to be told! Like I said before, I don’t get why it’s so weird for some people. I really don’t.

Post # 64
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

A Lie is a lie, no matter how big or how small. It can always come back to haunt you when you least expect it. Just tell him, I’m sure you are making a bigger deal than it is.

Post # 65
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would set the record straight. Fiance and I can talk about anything and feel it’s important to keep things out in the open, because we’ve both been with partners who played mind games, lied, and cheated before, so complete honesty is a huge deal to us.

If you are eventually going to tell him, the longer you wait, the harder it will be. I’d start off with something like, “Okay, so I feel really silly for not saying anything back when we were talking about this, but it’s been bothering me and I just wanted to set the record straight. Back when we were having our little conversation about who was more “experienced”, I’m not sure why, but you automatically assumed that I only had one partner before you. That’s not actually the case, but I was a bit surprised by the assumption and couldn’t really think of what to say, so I said nothing.”

Post # 66
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would be torn, except one guy you slept with is still in your life, and he doesn’t know about that.  I don’t think the number is as important as letting him know about your past with your guy friend.  What is the relationship now? 

Post # 67
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

My Darling Husband does not know my real number even though he thinks he does. We had that conversation while drinking and he voiced his assumption that I had only had sex with my serious boyfriends- he and I were only dating a few months. Turned out my number was quite a bit higher than his and I thought he’d have freaked if I told him so, so I decided to save it for later. Well, it never seemed to matter much later, we never had the conversation again, and now 6 years later I just don’t see the point in saying “Oh by the way there were a few guys you don’t know about.” It seems I’d be making a way bigger issue about it than its worth considering my last sexual partner before him was so many years ago and I was tested for diseases, etc, before we had sex. Maybe it’s being dishonest but I don’t think it’s such a bad thing for a woman to have a few secrets about her sexual past. He wouldn”t want to know just like I don’t want to know the details of his. I’d let it go but that’s just me. It would be nice to be in a relationship that is totally open about past sexuality but my husband is too conservative and jealous for that so I just let sleeping dogs lie. I think only you know what is best for your relationship and I don’t think there is a “right” or “wrong” answer.

Post # 68
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Dollygold: in my opinion its not a lie so if you want to call me a liar and say Im devious then thats your opinion, whatever. If you and your Fiance had a great time discussing your past experiecens with other men then more power to you. I personally dont feel the need to share my past expereinces because to me they are illrelevant. The reason why Im getting married is because in my eyes my Fiance is the ONLY MAN I think of and want to be with and love so whatever happened before him doesnt matter at all. Theres no need to drag him down memory lane and share “funny” stories of me with men (that doesnt even sound right) but like i said before more power to you!!!

Best friend or not I think its best to leave the “girl talk” with the girls not everything is for him

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