(Closed) Awkward: how to request money rather than gifts

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Casa de España

@prahajess:  On Puerto Rico, a lot of people prefer money. So, what couples as my Fiance and I did was include a letter on the invitation that states that: “The most important thing to us is your company in this special moment, but if you want to gives us something we prefer cash”. Something like that in spanish. But it doesn’t look tacky or anything like that. And invitees like it because they don’t have to think what to buy the couple. Hope everything turns out great.

Post # 18
Member
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@MrsBeck:  +100!

Post # 19
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Honestly I reckon it’s ruder to not register and make me figure out what you want than it is to just tell me straight out. I don’t want to have to hunt around for some way to give you what you want when you could just come out and say ‘we’d appreciate the cash’. It’s one of those things that confuse the hell out of me, etiquette wise. It’s total rubbish. Why not be transparent and clear with your guests?!!?

So back to point; just be honest. don’t tiptoe around the subject, it just messes people around.

Post # 21
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

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@Julybride88:  Same where I live. It is very, very common that people mention that there will be a wishing well, or that envelopes are welcome. I believe you should ask both your parents what the best wording would be, for your guests. You know them better than we do. 🙂

Post # 22
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would have a cash bar, if you even do a bar. Or, if possible, have a BYOB afterparty and a dry reception (we did this because a good chunk of my family is of the mindset that frinking is of the devil and I didn’t want issues. After party was for after they went home).

As for money over gifts: If you don’t register then people tend to get the hint. Tell you BM’s and parents that you want money and they can spread it around word of mouth when people ask them.

Post # 23
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

In my experience, not registering doesn’t necessarily mean financial gifts. I’d do a honeymoon registry to be sure.

I’d also serve just beer and wine. If your venue lets you provide your own alcohol, it can be quite cheap. (Even if not, still cheapish..) Not a fan of cash bars personally. 

Post # 24
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We did a honey fund and have a “treasure chest” (it’s kind of stupid, but it was for the sake of the older crowd attending the wedding that like to be a bit more traditional) with a dumb little poem about it lol, you can find wishing well poems on Google.

And honeyfund is free – though they do take a %age of the $ you are given.

Post # 25
Member
2241 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Julybride88:  I think this is a good idea. 

I don’t think mentioning gifts on an invitation or elsewhere is bad, so you can say “no gifts” or something like that if you want to, but saying you’ll have a wishing well or something similar would definitely be a great solution to this problem. 

ZebraPrintMe is right as well. Honesty may be best in this situation. It will make this whole deal easier on your guests if they know what you want. It will save them time and effort, and they won’t have to lug boxes around. 

Post # 26
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I personally wouldn’t go into debt for a bar. And if that were the case, I’d have a cash bar. But please have some free non-alcoholic drinks available for guests. I went to one wedding where even water was $3. But that is beside the point.

 

Regarding the whole registry thing, you’d think people would get the hint that you don’t want any physical gifts if you don’t register, but I’m not sure anymore. We just want cash as well if we get anything, but I’m sure some people will try to bring gifts to our destination wedding. Although it will be a headache getting them back to Canada if that is the case.

Post # 27
Member
3656 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@prahajess:  for heaven’s sake it is financiall stupid to put your wedding extravaganza on your credit card (assuming that you have to make installment payments on the purchases.)

If you want money, in the U.S. the only way to spread that word is by word of mouth: your mom and dad and aunts/uncles talk about it. Don’t put it is writing, it looks like you are charging a fee.

Post # 28
Member
3656 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

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@ZebraPrintMe:  What polite people do is to call the bride or her mom and ask about what gifts (including money) would be welcome. A pleasant, social interaction, doncha know.

 

 

 

Post # 29
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@FauxPas2012:  But isn’t it much more considerate for your guests to be honest with them? I’d rather that someone gives it to me straight than expects me to run around like a headless chicken. I get that it’s etiquett, and the ‘rule’ but it does seem silly to me.

Post # 30
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@prahajess:  Host what you can afford.  We only served beer and wine for our guests and no one had a problem.  However, in my area, it’s also acceptable to have a cash bar, as long as you are serving non-alcoholic drinks for free as well.  

 

I wouldn’t mention gifts at all.  Most people give cash at weddings and if you don’t have a registry, they’ll get the hint.  I also seriously doubt that your international guests would travel with a packaged gifts.

Post # 31
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m from the UK, this is definately a cultural thing, and have had wedding invites that have a little poem basically saying “we want money” in a roundabout way! I’ve never been to a wedding with a registry. Personally I found these poems offensive and silly, kinda cheapening the day to a fundraiser. But I fully understood I may be alone in this opinion, did  wee bit of researching and found that apparently up to 80% of people are offended by it.

So we’re just not registering, and then if have prepped our mums with the line “we don’t want anything but for you to share our day, but if you do want to give us a gift, a contribution to our future is very much appreciated”. Just didnt want to even take the risk of offending someone

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